The times they are a changin' in the Old South. Time was if a man cheated on his wife he was persona non grata in polite society. Decent folk would cross the street to avoid a conversation. No one would invite him to their homes. At church he would become an object lesson for a wrathful sermon. (No names of course.) These things were especially true in colonial southern states like Virginia, Georgia and especially South Carolina.
Well welcome to South Carolina 2012. The state that introduced America to the concept of secession has now decided that values don't matter. The Christians of the Palmetto State have determined that aborting a pregnancy is verbotten but aborting your marriage (or marriages) is perfectly fine. Changing your mind about healthcare is flip-flopping, changing your mind about your vows is a personal choice. Honestly?
Hey don't get me wrong, I don't care if Newt Gingrich sleeps with sheep (which in Arkansas might be a plus) but up until last Saturday it was suppose to matter to the good, God-fearing people of South Carolina. The folks who were talked out of John McCain in 2000 because Karl Rove told them that McCain had an illegitimate black child, have now endorsed the Georgia version of Silvio Berlusconi. What's up with that?
Well, to begin with there's the condom-thin support for Mitt Romney. Republicans might vote for him but only in a three-way race with Barack Obama and an upholstered ottoman. You can tell you are approaching a Romney rally by the sound of snoring. The Obama haters (and South Carolina has more than its share) might like Mitt but they don't like him a lot. He's a Northerner trying to be Southern...a rich guy trying to act middle class...a Mormon trying to act Christian. (Hey, I think Mormons are Christians but what do I know?) The Southern Obama-haters don't want conversations about policy and economics. They want Barack Obama hanged, drawn and quartered.
So just about the time that South Carolina is ready to sigh, shrug their collective shoulders and vote for Romney, Newt Gingrich challenges John King to a duel. During the CNN sponsored debate last week, King had the gall to confront Gingrich with the story everyone was talking about. Gingrich's ex-wife Marianne (#2 for those keeping score) had given an interview to ABC News revealing the sordid details of her marriage to Newt. Secure in the knowledge that the best defense is a good offense, Newt attacked Mr. King for beginning a presidential debate with such prurient stuff. Newt was betting that the crowd in the auditorium and the teabaggers in South Carolina hate the media more than they love the teachings of Christianity. Something like:
"How dare you remind these good people that I divorced not one wife but two wives while they were each battling serious illnesses. Only a scurrilous cad would discuss my affairs with: wife #2 while married to wife #1 and, wife #3 while married to wife #2. What sort of unprincipled bounder would mention that I have preached celibacy and family values for the entire time that I was waving my Jesus-loving Republican penis at any and every woman in this great country. You, sir are no gentleman."
The crowd went wild. Finally, someone who was willing to put those fact-checking, truth-telling, Obama-loving media liberals in their place. At last, a candidate who would prove that serial adultery could be a plus if only you yell loud enough. Don't confuse the issue with facts. The issue isn't that I'm a pig. The issue is that only a biased media would bring up my piggishness. Every redneck peckerwood who ever came home too late smelling of cheap perfume and attempted to lie his way out of trouble knew they had a champion. If Newt Gingrich could bluff and bluster his way around two ex-wives he could easily be the kind of vicious, rancorous, malicious campaigner the GOP needs in the fall. Remember the South doesn't want President Obama beaten they want him crushed, pulverized and sent back to Kenya in a envelope. Gingrich may not win in November but the Democrats will know they were in a fight. Hey, why take George Marshall when you can have George Patton?
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