Sunday, September 04, 2011

...should we replace "in God we trust" with something more current?

I was thinking of something along the lines of "Thou shalt not jump to conclusions" or "Thou shall wait until all the facts are in". Anything's better than "Ready, Fire, Aim." This particular rumination came about as I was reading of the recent decision in the strange case of Dominique Strauss-Kahn. The case of the City of New York vs DSK has taken on all the trappings of "Duke Lacrosse Players, Deux".

The few available facts involving Strauss-Kahn (not easy to obtain) are as follows:

-Mr. Strauss-Kahn, age 63, was visiting New York in part to meet his daughter's new boyfriend. They had dinner the evening of May 13th.

-He checked out of the Sofitel Hotel on May 14th leaving behind his cell phone. (Other things "left behind" will be discussed later.) Meanwhile at the local precinct, a hotel maid, one Nafissatou Diallo, was explaining to a desk sergeant that, as far as she knew, the duties of a chambermaid did not include forced oral sex with nude, crazy guests. (The inherent dangers of "forced, oral sex" will also be discussed later.) The cops were sufficiently impressed that they abandoned their jelly donuts (no small event on a Sunday morning) and headed to the Sofitel to investigate.

-Meanwhile, DSK contacted the hotel and requested that his phone be sent out to JFK before his flight departed for Paris. This turned out to be his undoing. His phone, along with an arrest warrant. were delivered by several members of New York's Finest who unceremoniously escorted Monsieur Strauss-Kahn to a holding cell in Rikers. Mon Dieu! Dominique made every effort to explain that this was all a misunderstanding brought about by some confusion regarding the translation of the word "consensual". DSK was charged and later indicted for first degree criminal sexual assault and unlawful imprisonment.

-Ms Diallo is from Ghana and was living in the Bronx with her daughter. The author has no particular knowledge of sexual niceties in Ghana but in the Bronx, "no" means "put soggy Napoleon back in your pants. Just leave a gratuity like everybody else".

From here the facts depend largely on whom you choose to believe. The maid at the Sofitel claims that Strauss-Kahn emerged from the bathroom when she went in to clean. He was naked and seemed a bit deranged. He grabbed her and forced her into his lap. He then locked her in a closet and left...presumably fully dressed. There is DNA evidence that some kind of sexual activity took place.

Strauss-Kahn, forced by the DNA to admit to something sexual, professes that the tryst was consensual. (No doubt the French translation of "consent" is "your lips tell me no, no but there's yes, yes in your eyes".) He will no doubt swear that, finding himself short of change for a tip, he proffered the next best thing. After all, what black, poor immigrant woman wouldn't rather have a 60ish, Viagra-induced, French bone than a few euros? When asked why a woman from Ghana would seduce a fossilized Frenchman, Strauss-Kahn attorneys hint at a dark conspiracy, hatched to keep Strauss-Kahn off the French throne. (I know, he wants to run for President but throne sounds more exotic.)

Anyway, although the original prognosis for Monsieur Strauss-Kahn looked grim, his fortunes of late have been looking up. It now appears that his accuser's story has more holes in it than a box of donuts. She arrived in America from Ghana with a sad tale of gang rapes and other atrocities. That story was the basis for her green card as a refugee. Apparently there are enough inconsistencies in her story to cause Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance, Jr. to loose sleep.

Nevertheless, we the people, armed with only a perp walk and a few sketchy facts were out buying the rope for the execution. What did we really know?:


He's French

He runs an organization, the IMF, that we don't really understand but don't trust.

He is wealthy

He speaks French

He has a history of goosing women

He is from France

He is French

Never let it be said that facts or reason ever stood in the way of a good, irrational rush to judgement. In the case of the Duke lacrosse players, we were ready to castrate the little bastards. It was poor, black female students vs rich, privileged, white frat boys. Only later did we discover that it was really poor, dumb, drunk hookers vs rich, privileged, white frat boys. Being horny and nineteen isn't a crime.

Unlike the Duke Lacrosse players, it seems that Mr. Strauss-Kahn got some splainin' to do. He needs to tell us how his little swimmers got on the carpet. (Possibly setting the stage for the first "spanking the monkey" defense.) Considering DSK's proclivity for aggressive sexual harassment he garners as much sympathy as Casey Anthony. (Another case of trial by the great unwashed.)

Monsieur SK might be able to peddle that "consensual sex" story to the New York DA but his wife, French media darling Ann Sinclair may be less forgiving. Not only does she join that tragic mob of women, publicly embarrassed by their philandering husbands, she will also lose her chance to be addressed as the First Lady of France. Strauss-Kahn's hopes of ascending to the presidency of France are all but over. The French don't care if you shtup the maid. They probably don't even care if you ask permission first. But getting marched into an American courtroom to explain your wandering saucisson (Fr. dried sausage) to four hundred TV cameras is too much.

His career at the IMF in tatters and his politically ambitions all but over, what's next for poor DSK? How about a guest shot on "America's Least Wanted"?

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