A lot of wonderful people come from Kansas. I actually know a few. These folks would help you raise a barn, bring in your crops, milk your cows and do any number of those other farmy things.
Face it, individually Kansans typify all that is good about America. Collectively, however, they are red-necked, cruel, and heartless. If a citizen of Topeka finds a homeless person (bum is a bit out of fashion) on his doorstep, he will feed him, care for him, and if possible offer him a job. That same citizen will then amble down to the grange and rail about welfare, healthcare and jobs programs. If you wonder where the cutting edge of contradiction can be found, look no farther than the The Sunflower State.
Of all the "fly over" states, Kansas is the easiest to fly over; or jump over. The highest point in the state is 4,039 ft, Mt. Sunflower or, as they call it in Colorado, a speed bump. This lack of topography has led Kansans to believe that no one is watching what they do.
Kansas has, by law, an official language: English. Apparently having 96% of this country and a fair slice of the rest of the world already speaking the mother tongue just didn't cut it in Kansas. (Taco Bell must have one hell of a time being compelled to translate "burrito" and "chimichunga".) In Kansas, when you call the state for assistance the answering machine says, "for English press one. For all other languages, go f--k yourself."
Kansas passed a law setting the minimum legal age for marriage at 15. It's unclear whether this was intended as protection for farm girls or a guideline for farm boys; like the minimum size of a keepable trout. Kansas has 29 dry counties which might help explain their cranky attitude. The Kansas legislature has passed several laws restricting the benefits and educational opportunities available to anyone residing in Kansas illegally. This is curious. At the rate people are fleeing the Wheat State you would think that Kansas would be more welcoming of anyone who actually wanted to live there.
Politically, Kansas is so red you can see it from space. Think Oklahoma without the charming accent. How Kathleen Sebelius ever got elected governor as a Democrat...twice...is anyone's guess. In Presidential contests Kansas has supported Willkie, Dewey, Nixon, all the Bushes and, of course, John McCain. Thankfully their 2.8 million inhabitants only warrant six electoral votes; about the same as Brooklyn. Normally, no one cares what these people do to themselves legislatively but that changed recently.
The insidious and dangerous nature of the red state agenda was never more clear than when the Kansas legislature passed a law effectively defunding Planned Parenthood. It seems that the god-fearing folk down on the farm are troubled by the fact that, in addition to offering a myriad of medical services to women, Planned Parenthood also offers counseling on abortion. Let's be clear, the vast majority of Planned Parenthood's services involve pap smears and mammograms.
To prohibit Planned Parenthood from functioning based on the misguided notion that it serves as an abortion mill, is criminal. Without Planned Parenthood, the rate of cervical cancer will balloon. Breast cancer will go undiagnosed and untreated. People will die. No, correct that...women will die.
This horrible law isn't directed at any aspect of men's health. Cancer screening for men will continue at whatever clinics currently do the procedures. This is all about women and women's health. Why any woman would support a state representative who voted for this law is a mystery. I understand that people don't always vote in their own self interest (see, "What's Wrong With Kansas" by Thomas Frank) but this is insane. You don't close the movie theater because one of the twelve films offends you. You don't ban all gun ownership (much as I'd like to) because a few people use them to rob liquor stores. You don't have to like or support abortion rights but don't deprive women of needed medical care to impose your narrow view.
Thankfully, U.S. District Judge J. Thomas Marten (the J is for John) issued an injunction preventing Kansas from closing the financial door on Planned Parenthood. I do not know the political affinity attached to Judge Marten and I don't care. This isn't about politics; it's not even about religion. It's about a small group of right-wing crazies pandering to a larger group of right-wing crazies. Like the teabaggers whose fight was never about the debt or taxes or healthcare, this is about social engineering. It's about the forty seven or so cliches (real Americans, founding fathers, close the borders, original intent, Jesus is my savior, blah, blah) the fringe uses to cloak their burning desire to impose their brand of Americanism on you.
But fear not, Kansas. Without organizations like Planned Parenthood, the EPA, OSHA, the FDA and others, you'll all be long gone; dead from cancer, botulism, farm accidents and pollution. And so citizens of Kansas,as you make that final journey to be returned to the soil you love so much, rest easy in the knowledge that there will still be plenty of Mexicans around, farming your fields and marrying your daughters...after they turn fifteen, of course.
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