...or has the South decided that, although you can't fix stupid, you can still elect it?

It sometimes appears that our Southern brethren are committed to a desperate attempt to return to Margaret Mitchell's vision of the world. State capitols must be beaten into striking the confederate flag. The most benign gun restrictions are savagely attacked as some Northern conspiracy to confiscate all weapons. Asshats like Rick Perry even suggest a new secession movement. (That may have sounded nifty when running for Governor. Let's see how often presidential candidate Perry disavows that notion.) And when the subject is race and racist, the states of the Old South continue to display their true colors: white, whiter and translucent.

Alabama has discovered that while racial intolerance against blacks is passe (not to mention detrimental to recruiting football players for the University of Alabama), it is perfectly acceptable to be rude and bigoted toward brown people. Secure in the knowledge that few if any Mexicans will seek scholarships as wide receivers anytime soon, Alabama has enacted the single most draconian immigration law in the country. If Alabama has its way, eating a burrito in public will be a felony.

Aside from the obvious disgraceful racism exhibited by the state that gave us George C. Wallace and Bull Connors, the practical aspects of this law are elusive. Sure, Alabama is always ready to step to the front of the line when the subject is intolerance but why Spanish people? Hello! Alabama is not a border state. The closest that Alabama comes to an influx of non-English speaking strangers is illegal border crossings by people from Mississippi. Latinos comprise only about 2% of the total resident population and that includes occasional visits by The Buena Vista Social Club.

Alabama has farms and farms need underpaid, exploited workers. Without help from south of the border Alabama farmers will be forced to exploit Arkansans or some other hapless, easily identifiable minority. That cotton won't pick itself. Face it, the only cotton that white Alabama will ever pick is the plug at the top of an aspirin bottle.

Hey, it's not like we're not sympathetic to Alabama's desire to excell at something. After all, it's too late to be the leader in execution. Virginia had a head start and Texas is thinking of putting their hangmen on two shifts. Alabama can't be the gun-crazy capital. That honor resides in Arizona. (More on that tomorrow.) Unfortunately, Alabama will have to content itself with the distinction of being the racist capital of America. Well, look on the bright side: at least you won't have to decide what color to make the flag.