I heard someone suggest that Sarah Palin thinks the Arab Spring is a soap that makes you smell like a camel.
Dominique Strauss Kahn has proposed a novel defense in his sexual assault case. DSK postulates that if the hotel employee in question didn't want to have sex, why did she show up dressed as a maid?
Because nature (and apparently cable TV) abhors a vacuum, the Oxygen Channel has decided to fill one vacuum with another. Ten PM Tuesday night saw the premiere of "The World According To Paris". The show stars the girl you can't get enough of because you've already had more than enough: Paris Hilton. Imagine a glorious hour watching a woman with the IQ of an arugula plant deciding what shoes go with a DUI. Or perhaps we will see Paris agonizing over which STD to share with her latest Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. Seriously, anyone interested in this would enjoy the Nature Channel's "50 Things to do With Leeches" or "Survivor - Escape the Organ Harvesters".
The Washington Redskins have been ordered to provide captioning for all songs played during games so as not to discriminate against deaf fans. This exercise in politically stupid will no doubt enhance the experience of football about as much as reading the dialogue of a porn film to a blind person. If DC judges want to do something useful, make Dan Snider change the racist name of his club.
New Yorkers, who now practically have to walk over the George Washington Bridge to grab a smoke, will soon have a new law to "protect" them. The state legislature has passed a law declaring whiffle ball, tag and horseshoes "nonpassive recreational activities with significant risk of injuries". In a related story, staff at New York Medical Center will now be required to pack all newborn children in Styrofoam immediately after delivery.
Also, the city council of Thornton, Colo. has banned barber poles as a distraction to motorists. To this one can only utter two words... Times Square.
Also, goldfish racing in Tacoma, Wash. has been suspended after a complaint from animal rights activists. Allegations of goldfish doping, race fixing and concerns for the fish once their racing days were done played a part in the decision. There was also concern about the frequent drowning of the tiny jockey forced into the dangerous job of riding the goldfish.
A Michigan craft brewer has been denied the right to market its "Raging Bitch" beer in the state.
A spokesman for the company expressed dismay over the ruling indicating that the state liquor authority has previously approved "Darkie Dark Porter" and "Chinks Piss-Yellow Lager". A state representative said "We had to draw the line somewhere".
An Indiana woman is suing Carnival Cruise Lines because she got seasick on one of their cruises. There being no oceans in Indiana, Doris Beard was understandably misled by Carnival's magazine ad campaign in which the ships aren't actually moving. In a related story we have learned that Mr. Peanut has died from an anaphylactic reaction to some unnamed food product.
A New York man was escorted from a Southwest Airlines flight for exclaiming in an overly loud voice "What's taking so f--king long?".A spokeswoman for Southwest was adament in defense of the airline's policy about disruptive passengers. "Some a--holes have no f--king manners" said Thelma Prigg, Vice President for Passenger Experience. "Next time he can take the f--king bus".
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