OK here's the plot: Several reluctant characters from totally different backgrounds and social classes are, by a quirk of fate, thrown together to either survive as a group or perish as individuals. Is this the story of:
1) Lord of the Flies
2) Lost
3) Survivor - Bayonne
4) Gilligan's Island
5) The Republican Presidential campaign, Class of 2012
Yes I know, 4 & 5 are the same answer.
The Republican candidates for President in 2012 have thusfar divided themselves into two camps. On one side we have those familiar retreads from 2008: Huckabee, Romney, Palin, Paul, Gingrich. Everything you need to know about their ability to engender excitement into the GOP cause can be summed up in two words: John McCain. This gang of also-rans proved to be about as exciting as Topeka on a Tuesday night. Why anyone thinks that four additional years of campaigning on Fox News has done anything to pump air into their personalities is fascinating. Constant exposure over all this time has only served to reinforce to Republicans that they made the right choice in 2008. Four years of Monday morning quarterbacking and armchair generalship has made the likes of Palin and Gingrich appear petty and small (and making Newt's head appear small is no mean feat).
On the other bench we have the new faces, the untried ideologues of the conservative movement who have managed to get themselves elected to local offices or made a name for themselves in the business community. Pawlenty, Daniels, Christie, Cain, Trump, Bachmann, Santorum and God knows who else. Not all are declared candidates but don't kid yourself. Every one of them is waiting/praying for the Party to tap them on the shoulder and beg them to "save us from the devil Obama". All of these candidates may benefit or suffer from the "send in the quarterback on the bench" syndrome. Everybody wants to see a fresh face. Hell, that's how Barack beat Hillary and Grandpa John. This team of rivals is so screwed up that the only adult in the room is the pizza guy, Herman Cain, and until a week ago no one outside of Atlanta had ever heard of him. (Cain is an interesting character. He's bootstraps all the way and has already waged a successful campaign against cancer.)
In the meantime, candidates continue to dribble into the fray. As of today, Newt Gingrich has joined the party. It took a while for Gingrich to enter the contest because he had to haul his cumbersome reputation all the way from Georgia. Honestly, Gingrich has more baggage that an airport carousel at Christmas. His ex-wives have actually formed a political action committee. And, have you seen Mrs. Gingrich #3? A helmet-headed, aging beauty queen with the stage presence of a ficus. Seriously, she makes Laura Bush and Cindy McCain look like Abbott and Costello. (OK I'm done!)
On another front we have the almost but not quite campaign of Mitch Daniels current Governor of Indiana. Daniels has several things going for him. For one, he doesn't have a gig on Fox so, nobody knows him (always a plus in GOP politics). He is the grandson of Syrian immigrants so he can neutralize the Middle Eastern connection that worked so well for President Obama in 2008. Also he's a bright guy who ran North American operations for Eli Lily. So why has this dynamo of the Republican heartland not declared decisively that he is ready to carry the presidential banner for his party? Actually, he's waiting for permission from his wife. That's right boys and girls, the party of "bring it on" leadership, of "shoot first ask questions later" toughguys will be led by a man who needs his wife's OK before leaving the house. "Honey, is it OK if I run for President? I promise I'll be home for supper." It's a good thing Newt didn't have to ask his wives. The campaign would be over before the votes could be tabulated.
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