...or is hot dog eating to sports what chess is to exercise?

Car wrecks we can't seem to stop looking at.

Item

At what point in our ever-evolving culture did food-consumption become sports? Speaking for myself, the prospect of watching someone stuff wet hot dogs and buns into his face at high speed falls somewhere between freak show and "don't block the door to the vomitorium". The only way glutenous food consumption qualifies as sports is if John Waters is your news producer.

Once upon a time some bright-light MBA at Nathan's Famous, Inc. proposed a hot dog eating contest as a stunt. This simple idea has morphed into two actual associations called the MLE, Major League Eating and the WLOCE, World League of Competitive Eating. (Think WWE except the contestants occasionally say "excuse me" after emitting horrid bodily noises.) These organizations sponsor all manner of pig-outs all over the world. Burgers, Spam, oysters and many other foods are stuffed into "professional" gobs as fans cheer and the clock ticks. So ask yourself: if you're a tea-bagger, where do you go to protest about "getting your country back"? Forget the White House. Take the gang to Coney Island. Not only can you attempt to convert the Joey Chestnut fans, you can have a little lunch. I've seen those tea party rallies. That group has some serious hot dog eaters.



Item

Can someone please explain why gun sales in America are going through the roof? Has the current occupant of the White House made any effort to curtail the sale of firearms? Has Congress attempted to rewrite the Constitution in response to the "Heller" or "McDonald" decisions by the Supremes? Has anyone aside from a few big city mayors even brought the topic up? Is the NRA so influential that they can create a panic among members even in the absence of a threat?

Today's troubling news comes from the Beehive State of Utah. It seems that Utah has the most lenient concealed weapons law of any state in America. Utah requires only that you be 21, take a course, clear a background check and of course, pay a $65.25 fee. The permits are valid in 32 states and are good for five years. Utah issued 74,000 permits last year and is swamped with applications for 2010. If you don't find this troubling...you should. Most people killed in shootings are shot byfamil;y members or people they know. This OK Corral fantasy results in hundreds of needless deaths every year. BTW The first thing lawmen in Dodge City, Tombstone and Silver City did to reduce crime was prohibit the citizenry from carrying guns.



If your paranoia is such that you feel the need to own a gun, neither Barack Obama nor I can do much to stop you. However there is no reason for any citizen to wander the streets of America with a weapon concealed in his clothing or in her handbag. You will most certainly shoot a friend or an acquaintance long before you shoot a felon. Ask yourself: If I witness a crime in progress, would I be likely to draw a gun and start shooting? Is there the slightest expectation that I could hit what I was aiming at? Would it be more likely that I would hit: a cop, a bystander, a hostage? Would I be offended by return fire?

The debate over guns is asinine. No one will convince anyone of anything. There are two interesting facts that Americans should find sobering: currently there are 280,000 handguns in private hands in this Country and, every year we kill about 4,500 kids with guns.


Item


America, I know it's July. Things are a little laid back. Baseball is at the halfway point in the season. (yawn!) The U.S. is out of the World Cup. Football two-a-days are a few weeks off. Still, are we really so stuck for something to distract us that we would devote a full hour of primetime TV to the announcement that a high school graduate from Akron plans to bounce a ball in Miami? It's difficult to judge which is worse: A sports personality who thinks his address is of such earth-shaking import that America would forgo Rachel Maddow or reruns of CSI to watch a TV special about whose little shorts and tank top he will attempt to sell in 2010 and beyond or, a population of sycophant, mouth-breathers who care. LeBron James has the biggest, most outsized ego since, oh, Glenn Beck who just announced he is starting his own university. Headline rewrite " isitjustme or is hot dog eating to sports what Glenn Beck is to education?"