Before the good people of Alaska got to decide if they had had enough of Sarah Palin, the Governor has announced that she has had enough of Alaska. It's too cold, it's too snowy and most important, it's too far from all those ass-kissing Conservatives that form the Republican base. It's also too far from the HQ of CBS, ABC, NBC, CNN, Fox News, and The New York Times. Sarah may profess to hate them but how can you rail at the coverage you get in the media if you aren't being covered? Of course if you want coverage, it helps if you tell someone in the press about your press conference.
Not content to announce that she will not seek a second term as Alaska's Governor, Sweet Sarah has abdicated her ice throne as of July 26 this year. Conjecture as to the reason for this strangely timed escape is just that; conjecture. The Governor gave no reason for her hasty retreat. She babbled on for ten or fifteen minutes during a news conference that was planned with a little less thought than a Tupperware party. She spoke about Kosovo, brave soldiers, point guards, Gen. MacArthur, and politics as blood sport. What? No mention of Michael Jackson? As with most of Governor Palin's public pronouncements, this speech rambled like an Alaska road. It just goes for a while with no discernible destination, then stops.
Amidst all the dreck about how much she's accomplished (in half a term) and how noble she is by quitting the easiest government gig on the planet (after Joe Biden's), she had the colossal gall to suggest that she was disgusted by the media's treatment of her family. This is the same women who carted her household all over America as though they were the road show of the Grapes of Wrath. Baby Trig has more frequent flyer miles than Sully Sullenberger.
True to her proclivity for making stuff up (I rejected the Road to Nowhere, etc) she feigned distaste at the mean things that have been said about her Downs Syndrome baby. For the record, no one has said anything about her youngest child. No one. The reason that the rest of her brood became punchlines for the late nite TV guys is that she put them out there like contestants on Big Brother. Conversly, the reason Chelsea Clinton and the Bush twins were left alone was because their parents kept them out of the public eye. Palin treated her family like props in a minstrel show.
Because speculation is rampant regarding the plans of the soon-to-be-ex-Governor, allow me to suggest a few possibilities:
1) Prior to a run for the Republican nomination for President in 2012, Ms. Palin plans to obtain an on-line degree in Geography. Particular attention will be paid to the distance between By-God, Alaska and By-Godski, Russia.
2) Ms. Palin needs a full three years to accumulate a wardrobe that's suitable for visiting all fifty states...without help from the RNC.
3) More time will be needed to write a few new jokes...hopefully some that don't involve lipstick, hockey moms or Bill Ayers.
4) She is planning a trip to the Mayo clinic to have "Golly" and "You Betcha" surgically removed from her vocabulary.
Sarah feels it will take all of her time to convince Republicans and the electorate at large that she isn't really the airheaded, all hat-no cattle, ill-informed, poorly spoken, overly folksy, minor league, impossibly unqualified light weight that we have all come to know and discount.
Anyway, congratulations to the people of Alaska. You were able to shed this embarrassing, do-nothing executive without the help of a sex scandal. Remember, Republicans don't quit because they cheat. They only quit when their constituents can't be trusted to feed their out-of-control egos. There is every reason to believe that, if she isn't impeached, Governor Palin would be soundly thrashed in 2010.
Face it Alaska, you're not cool enough for Sarah Palin. I'll bet that's the first time you ever heard that.
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