Love is never having to say "I did it for the frequent-flyer miles".
Pity the poor journalist or blogger desperately attempting to stay ahead of the Mark Sanford story. No sooner do we attempt an analysis of the revelations of last week: I wasn't really hiking the Appalachian Trail. Actually I was exploring the "Andes", and it wasn't my first expedition. But don't hate me too much because I'm in love.
Now we are faced with "Episode Dos" in the steamiest soap since Hospital Corners.. It seems that Governor Mark's dalliance in South America might not have been his first trip south of the border (wink, wink, nod, nod). In an interview with the Associated Press, Governor Swordsman admitted to a few additional trysts with at least four other women. In a statement filled with more euphemisms than my last trip to a confessional, Gov. Sanford spoke of not "crossing the sex line". I immediately assumed that there was a hookers strike and the Governor was being a good union supporter. This is the best information tease since Gypsy Rose Lee.
Attempting to parse his behavior, Sanford even included dancing as one of the activities he considered to be an out-of-bounds encounter. WOW! At the very least I thought we were talking second base. Apparently these tip-toes up to the "sex line" were a dress rehearsal (actually an un-dress rehearsal) for the main event with Maria Belen Chapur, of Buenos Aires hot tamale fame. We have been spared a blow-by-blow (sorry) description of his activities in the Southern Hemisphere but it's clear that Governor Sanford pole-vaulted over the "sex line" with room to spare.
My personal favorite was his description of a trip to New York, ostensibly to end the affair with Ms. Chapur. Deciding that an email brush-off would be gauche, Governor Sanford not only went to meet his lady in Manhattan, he brought along a "spiritual advisor". This reverse Cyrano act apparently didn't go as planned. I suspect that the spiritual advisor was asked to wait in the car while Governor Hot Pants rekindled his love. Wouldn't you love to have been on that plane ride back to South Carolina?
Sanford has delivered a personal check (presumably not from the couple's joint account) for $3,000 to cover the cost of his recent get-away in Argentina. Apparently, when it comes to soul mates, coach class is enough to get the job done. Former Governor Elliot Spitzer, upon hearing this news, remarked that at least he never paid that much for one roll in the hay. To be fair, Spitzer was only partaking of the domestic fare. Sanford's tastes run more toward the intercontinental.
Anyway, Senators Lindsey Graham, Jim Demint and the rest of the religiously damaged Conservatives of South Carolina are praying for a reconciliation between Governor Sanford and his wife of 20 years. They are also praying that Lt. Governor Andre Bauer does not become the new governor. Even if God came from a red state, this would be a tall order. Comments like " I can die knowing I met my soul mate" would only be helpful if the Governor were talking about his wife. He wasn't. Mrs. Sanford, AKA, the dutiful wife, is sequestered on Sullivan Island in South Carolina, presumably plotting to ensure that her soon-to-be-former husband couldn't be elected secretary of the Aiken Little League Association. She has been quoted as saying she might be able to forgive her chronically wayward husband. This will presumably coincide with the freezing over of either hell or Buenos Aires.
Pity the poor journalist or blogger desperately attempting to stay ahead of the Mark Sanford story. No sooner do we attempt an analysis of the revelations of last week: I wasn't really hiking the Appalachian Trail. Actually I was exploring the "Andes", and it wasn't my first expedition. But don't hate me too much because I'm in love.
Now we are faced with "Episode Dos" in the steamiest soap since Hospital Corners.. It seems that Governor Mark's dalliance in South America might not have been his first trip south of the border (wink, wink, nod, nod). In an interview with the Associated Press, Governor Swordsman admitted to a few additional trysts with at least four other women. In a statement filled with more euphemisms than my last trip to a confessional, Gov. Sanford spoke of not "crossing the sex line". I immediately assumed that there was a hookers strike and the Governor was being a good union supporter. This is the best information tease since Gypsy Rose Lee.
Attempting to parse his behavior, Sanford even included dancing as one of the activities he considered to be an out-of-bounds encounter. WOW! At the very least I thought we were talking second base. Apparently these tip-toes up to the "sex line" were a dress rehearsal (actually an un-dress rehearsal) for the main event with Maria Belen Chapur, of Buenos Aires hot tamale fame. We have been spared a blow-by-blow (sorry) description of his activities in the Southern Hemisphere but it's clear that Governor Sanford pole-vaulted over the "sex line" with room to spare.
My personal favorite was his description of a trip to New York, ostensibly to end the affair with Ms. Chapur. Deciding that an email brush-off would be gauche, Governor Sanford not only went to meet his lady in Manhattan, he brought along a "spiritual advisor". This reverse Cyrano act apparently didn't go as planned. I suspect that the spiritual advisor was asked to wait in the car while Governor Hot Pants rekindled his love. Wouldn't you love to have been on that plane ride back to South Carolina?
Sanford has delivered a personal check (presumably not from the couple's joint account) for $3,000 to cover the cost of his recent get-away in Argentina. Apparently, when it comes to soul mates, coach class is enough to get the job done. Former Governor Elliot Spitzer, upon hearing this news, remarked that at least he never paid that much for one roll in the hay. To be fair, Spitzer was only partaking of the domestic fare. Sanford's tastes run more toward the intercontinental.
Anyway, Senators Lindsey Graham, Jim Demint and the rest of the religiously damaged Conservatives of South Carolina are praying for a reconciliation between Governor Sanford and his wife of 20 years. They are also praying that Lt. Governor Andre Bauer does not become the new governor. Even if God came from a red state, this would be a tall order. Comments like " I can die knowing I met my soul mate" would only be helpful if the Governor were talking about his wife. He wasn't. Mrs. Sanford, AKA, the dutiful wife, is sequestered on Sullivan Island in South Carolina, presumably plotting to ensure that her soon-to-be-former husband couldn't be elected secretary of the Aiken Little League Association. She has been quoted as saying she might be able to forgive her chronically wayward husband. This will presumably coincide with the freezing over of either hell or Buenos Aires.
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