Where are they now? Where are the flawed figures of the American experience who danced across the public stage, tripped over their metaphorical johnsons and limped into oblivion?
The question was prompted by an article in the Washington Post detailing the recent exploits of a woman whose lack of grace in public office was exceeded only by her complete disregard for the feelings of others. Perhaps you remember Kathleen Harris, former Secretary of State in Florida and disgraced candidate for Senator. It was Kathleen who certified the vote count for George W. Bush in Florida in 2000 despite the fact that only 537 votes separated the candidates. The fact that Ms. Harris was co-chair of the Bush For President effort in Florida clearly played no role in the decision.
Never one to shrink from public spectacle, Kathleen attempted to parlay her 15 minutes of fame into a run for the U.S. Senate. However, it turns out even the citizens of Florida aren't that senile. Her campaign was subtitled "Mr. Bean Runs For Office". Her staff quit, her chief sponsor was indicted and every newspaper and GOP politician in the state ran from her as though she were radioactive. She ultimately lost by a million votes.
Ms. Harris has resurfaced having had her face resurfaced. (OK, that's a cheap shot but this is a person who bought her cosmetics from Barnum and Bailey.) It seems that she and her husband, Swedish businessman Andeers Ebbison, are building a 23,000 sq ft eyesore just south of Sarasota. Proving once again that money buys neither happiness nor taste, the family Harris is receiving less than flattering notices for their Versailles on the Gulf. Although the chateau is seven times as large as the living quarters of the White House it is, after all, only twice as large as Mitt Romney's new beachfront digs in California.
People familiar with Harris' rough treatment of staff are holding a candlelight vigil for the workmen who will be forced to build the manse. More as the story develops.
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As long as we were strolling down memory lane, we thought we'd look in on our friend William Jefferson. Mr. Jefferson was the former Congressman from Louisiana who was unsuccessful at explaining to a federal judge how $75,000 in bribe money ended up next to the frozen peas in his freezer. On May 4th of this year Mr. Jefferson surrendered to the bureau of prisons in Beaumont, TX to begin serving his thirteen year sentence. Any latent feelings of pity for Dollar Bill Jefferson should be quickly ameliorated. Come Thanksgiving, Mr. Jefferson will be reunited with at least four of his friends and relatives all of whom have been convicted in related cases. Family is a beautiful thing.
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And what reunion would be complete without a quick check on our old friend Rev. Ted Haggard?
Ted is best remembered for being the anti-gay leader of the Council of Evangelicals who interpreted the scriptures to say "let the little children to come unto me...as long as they bring cocaine". Ted was a "hands-on" clergyman who was reluctant to condemn things he hadn't tried; so he tried everyone.
Reverend Ted is still a preacher in Colorado. His website includes a tell-all story from his wife Gayle called "Why I Stayed". The title is intriguing in that, having endured the indignity of her husband's outing as a drug-using, rent-boy renting degenerate, Gayle Haggard's ordeal was just beginning. In September of 2011 Mrs. Haggard was subjected to the ultimate shame of being "swapped" with the wife of Gary Busey on Celebrity Wife Swap. Take about grounds for divorce! Seriously, Gary Busey? Was Mickey Rourke's wife busy that weekend?
Nevertheless we wish Rev. Ted and his wife all the best. After all, what is Christianity if not forgiveness? For inspiration we turn to Luke 15 where it says" it is appropriate to be glad because your brother, once dead, is found...besides, he kills in the ratings".
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