...or do we really need to see more of Christine O'Donnell?

OK, where was I... Item The producers of ABC's Dancing with the Stars have apparently run out of "about-to-be-jailed politicians (Tom DeLay) and celeb wanna be's (Bristol Palin). They have now moved to clownish office-seekers. Christine O'Donnell, the Witchy Woman of Delaware, has been invited to trip the light fantastic on network TV for the amusement of the masses for whom reruns of Baywatch requires too much concentration. In case your gag reflex prevents you from reflecting on the election of 2010, Ms. O'Donnell was the Senate candidate from Delaware who lived on her campaign contributions and ran her election effort out of the back door of her condo. (Memo to Christine; "No grass...no grass roots.") Considering the stumbling, fumbling campaign effort mounted by Ms. O'Donnell, it's a bit of a shock to think she can cut a rug. (Calling Donald Trump). Assuming DWTS survives another season or two, we can, no doubt, expect a visit from: O.J. Simpson (who once danced his way out of two murder convictions), Ollie North (whose jitterbug in front of a Congressional committee is the stuff of legends) and perhaps even Karl Rove. Who wouldn't pay to watch twinkle-toes Karl trip his opponents and put liniment in their tights? Anyway, Dancing With the Stars, popular as it is, will be merely the teaser for the reality show that everyone is waiting for: Survivor, Iowa. ___________________________________________________________________ And speaking of Iowa, who thought it would be a good idea to have the Presidential election process begin in the middle of a corn field? I've heard of opening a show on the road but this is like touring Hair in Saudi Arabia. Face it: the cultural and political interests of Davenport and Ames are as close to the population at large as corn is to a corndog. If Iowa coughs up a hairball like Michelle Bachmann or, God forbid, Donald Trump, the electorate will be forced to accept the legitimacy of a candidate whose only attribute is interesting hair. Think about it: currently about 13% of the American population is African-American and another 4.5% is Asian. In Iowa the percentage of black people is significantly affected by the success of basketball and football recruiting at the University of Iowa and Iowa State. Aside from the engineering deptartments at Iowa's major universities, Asians would be tougher to find than Jews. The Iowa process for candidate selection isn't even an actual primary election; it's a caucus. For those of you unfamiliar with this process, a caucus is a meeting of all the Republicans (or Democrats) from a precinct. The winner is determined by whoever shouts the loudest. Now that our candidate has has conquered the overalls contingent in Bettendorf, it's on to another state that always reflects the mood of the population at large...New Hampshire. Some have speculated that the first actual primary of the season is held in New Hampshire as a test for potential candidates. If you can brave the snow and cold of New England in February, you're the man/woman for us. From there it's a quick ride down the coast to the single most batshit state in the Union...South Carolina. Honestly, is it any wonder that this bollixed-up process produced candidates like Tom Harkin and Dick Gephardt for the Dems and Pat Buchanan and George W. Bush for the GOP? (I told you it was screwed up!) Considering America's penchant for reality television, why not take a page out of the American Idol playbook: Assemble a few B-list celebrities, encourage them to berate and otherwise verbally abuse the potential candidates then, have Republicans from all over America call in and vote for their favorite. It couldn't be any worse than the current process and at least you could watch someone like Steven Tyler criticize Donald Trump for having hair stupider than his.