Everyone who read Satanic Verses raise your hands.
That's what I thought, nobody.
How about "Shalomar the Clown"?
Even the most pretentious among us (and that could easily be me) would find it difficult to wade through any of Salman Rushdie's oeuvre. But that didn't stop Queen Elizabeth II. As part of her birthday celebration on June twenty-third (This is interesting in and of itself. The Queen was born on April 21. Don't ask me...ask a Brit.) HRM bestowed a knighthood on Sir Salman. Rushdie isn't the first author to receive a knighthood (Walter Scott became one for writing about them). He may however be the first British author to have the entire Muslim world hunting his scalp.
As you may remember, the mullahs in Iran took exception to his portrayal of the prophet Mohammad in Satanic Verses. Well at least someone read the book! The death sentence imposed by a raging towel head in sandland was better for book sales than a kiss from Oprah. Most critics just employ a poison pen. Muslims were instructed to use real poison. (One could only imagine the uproar if the Pope issued a papal "fatwa" on say, Christopher Hitchens.) Anyway, so far Sir Salman is still breathing although each year he receives a Christmas card from Tehran reminding him not to stroll near any mosques.
I'm confident that the 30 or so people who have actually read any of Rushdie's thirteen books will attest to his skill as an author but, as an old Anglophile, I find the conferring of knighthood on Sir Salman just a bit off-putting. The British Crown is handing out titles with abandon. The Round Table will have to be moved out of doors to handle the crowd. I think you are eligible for Knighthood with a purchase of $50 or more at the British Museum Gift Shop.
Included among the honorees this year are Christiana Amanpour and Barry Humphries, better known to the cross-dressing crowd as Dame Edna. (One can just imagine what outfit Sir Barry wore to the investiture.) Hundreds of people get recognized every year. If Queen Liz has to tap each knight on the shoulder with a heavy sword she'd have carpel tunnel before she reached "K" in the alphabet.
Still, there are a few notables that have been overlooked. What about Robbie Coltrane? His portrayal of Hagrid in the Harry Potter films is as least as good as anything Dame Edna ever did; and he has better hair. And aren't we ignoring Dave Clark from the Dave Clark Five? And what about Benny Hill? Better get out that sword again, Mum. You still have all the Pythons to get through.
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