OK here's the plot: Several reluctant characters from totally different backgrounds and social classes are, by a quirk of fate, thrown together to either survive as a group or perish as individuals. Is this the story of:
1) Lord of the Flies
2) Lost
3) Survivor - Bayonne
4) Gilligan's Island
5) The Republican Presidential campaign, Class of 2012
Yes I know, 4 & 5 are the same answer.
The Republican candidates for President in 2012 have thusfar divided themselves into two camps. On one side we have those familiar retreads from 2008: Huckabee, Romney, Palin, Paul, Gingrich. Everything you need to know about their ability to engender excitement into the GOP cause can be summed up in two words: John McCain. This gang of also-rans proved to be about as exciting as Topeka on a Tuesday night. Why anyone thinks that four additional years of campaigning on Fox News has done anything to pump air into their personalities is fascinating. Constant exposure over all this time has only served to reinforce to Republicans that they made the right choice in 2008. Four years of Monday morning quarterbacking and armchair generalship has made the likes of Palin and Gingrich appear petty and small (and making Newt's head appear small is no mean feat).
On the other bench we have the new faces, the untried ideologues of the conservative movement who have managed to get themselves elected to local offices or made a name for themselves in the business community. Pawlenty, Daniels, Christie, Cain, Trump, Bachmann, Santorum and God knows who else. Not all are declared candidates but don't kid yourself. Every one of them is waiting/praying for the Party to tap them on the shoulder and beg them to "save us from the devil Obama". All of these candidates may benefit or suffer from the "send in the quarterback on the bench" syndrome. Everybody wants to see a fresh face. Hell, that's how Barack beat Hillary and Grandpa John. This team of rivals is so screwed up that the only adult in the room is the pizza guy, Herman Cain, and until a week ago no one outside of Atlanta had ever heard of him. (Cain is an interesting character. He's bootstraps all the way and has already waged a successful campaign against cancer.)
In the meantime, candidates continue to dribble into the fray. As of today, Newt Gingrich has joined the party. It took a while for Gingrich to enter the contest because he had to haul his cumbersome reputation all the way from Georgia. Honestly, Gingrich has more baggage that an airport carousel at Christmas. His ex-wives have actually formed a political action committee. And, have you seen Mrs. Gingrich #3? A helmet-headed, aging beauty queen with the stage presence of a ficus. Seriously, she makes Laura Bush and Cindy McCain look like Abbott and Costello. (OK I'm done!)
On another front we have the almost but not quite campaign of Mitch Daniels current Governor of Indiana. Daniels has several things going for him. For one, he doesn't have a gig on Fox so, nobody knows him (always a plus in GOP politics). He is the grandson of Syrian immigrants so he can neutralize the Middle Eastern connection that worked so well for President Obama in 2008. Also he's a bright guy who ran North American operations for Eli Lily. So why has this dynamo of the Republican heartland not declared decisively that he is ready to carry the presidential banner for his party? Actually, he's waiting for permission from his wife. That's right boys and girls, the party of "bring it on" leadership, of "shoot first ask questions later" toughguys will be led by a man who needs his wife's OK before leaving the house. "Honey, is it OK if I run for President? I promise I'll be home for supper." It's a good thing Newt didn't have to ask his wives. The campaign would be over before the votes could be tabulated.
Showing posts with label Sarah Palin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sarah Palin. Show all posts
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Monday, December 20, 2010
...or is Christmas just a silly season with snow and candycanes?
AMERICA EXPORTS MISERY
Poverty, plague and pestilence weren't enough of a burden for the people of Haiti. We had to send them Palin. Sister Sarah flew to Port-au-Prince last week as the guest of a Christian charity (no doubt distributing crosses and bibles to people who then tried to eat them). This was more black people than Sarah had seen in person since she attended the Broadway premiere of Sister Act. The 1/2 term governor of Alaska marveled at a country whose climate encouraged its citizens to live out of doors in such numbers. "I don't know why the lame stream media is always carping about everyone being so fat. Whatever the Haitians are eating sure keeps 'em fit. I didn't see one fat person in the whole country." Sarah stopped to chat with a woman cooking meat in the street and complimented her on the city's ability to keep the rat population at bay.
This is Ms. Palin's first trip outside the US, not counting all those RV rides from Wacilla to Iowa. No journalists were allowed on the journey into Haiti. (Well, Fox News went but when was the last time someone called them journalists?) The intellectually incurious Sarah feels no need to see the capitals of Europe or converse with leaders from Asia, Latin America or Africa. And why should she? No good photo ops there and besides, how many of those people either buy crappy American books or vote in New Hampshire? Not many, I'm thinkin'.
...AND LIKE A GOOD HEMORRHOID, SOUTH CAROLINA IS THERE
Well, if you weren't in Charleston, SC on Monday night, you missed it. The Sons and Daughters of Confederate Veterans staged their Secession Ball. Men in old-fashioned formal dress and women in flowing gowns flounced around in the kind of arrogant ignorance that only the South can celebrate. Sadly, some of the authenticity was missing in that none of the spoil-sport black protesters outside were willing to dress up in livery and serve the guests. Honestly, some people have no sense of history.
But if your invite to Charleston was lost in the mail, fear not. September 1, 2011 will mark the seventy-second anniversary of the German invasion of Poland and the Germans are planning a party to end all parties. The Third Reich Regalia will begin at dawn on September first and those goose-stepping fools won't stop rocking 'til October 6th... when Poland was crushed. Even the Russians are invited.
The German organizers have assured other EU members that they are not celebrating world domination. "We wish only to commemorate the brave soldiers who gave their lives to advance a wholly German point of view. It's just history."
None of this is lost on the Japanese who are in the early planning stages of a
December 7th, 1941 Luau. Plans include a dinner of Miso soup plus a special fly-over. Banzai!
Poverty, plague and pestilence weren't enough of a burden for the people of Haiti. We had to send them Palin. Sister Sarah flew to Port-au-Prince last week as the guest of a Christian charity (no doubt distributing crosses and bibles to people who then tried to eat them). This was more black people than Sarah had seen in person since she attended the Broadway premiere of Sister Act. The 1/2 term governor of Alaska marveled at a country whose climate encouraged its citizens to live out of doors in such numbers. "I don't know why the lame stream media is always carping about everyone being so fat. Whatever the Haitians are eating sure keeps 'em fit. I didn't see one fat person in the whole country." Sarah stopped to chat with a woman cooking meat in the street and complimented her on the city's ability to keep the rat population at bay.
This is Ms. Palin's first trip outside the US, not counting all those RV rides from Wacilla to Iowa. No journalists were allowed on the journey into Haiti. (Well, Fox News went but when was the last time someone called them journalists?) The intellectually incurious Sarah feels no need to see the capitals of Europe or converse with leaders from Asia, Latin America or Africa. And why should she? No good photo ops there and besides, how many of those people either buy crappy American books or vote in New Hampshire? Not many, I'm thinkin'.
...AND LIKE A GOOD HEMORRHOID, SOUTH CAROLINA IS THERE
Well, if you weren't in Charleston, SC on Monday night, you missed it. The Sons and Daughters of Confederate Veterans staged their Secession Ball. Men in old-fashioned formal dress and women in flowing gowns flounced around in the kind of arrogant ignorance that only the South can celebrate. Sadly, some of the authenticity was missing in that none of the spoil-sport black protesters outside were willing to dress up in livery and serve the guests. Honestly, some people have no sense of history.
But if your invite to Charleston was lost in the mail, fear not. September 1, 2011 will mark the seventy-second anniversary of the German invasion of Poland and the Germans are planning a party to end all parties. The Third Reich Regalia will begin at dawn on September first and those goose-stepping fools won't stop rocking 'til October 6th... when Poland was crushed. Even the Russians are invited.
The German organizers have assured other EU members that they are not celebrating world domination. "We wish only to commemorate the brave soldiers who gave their lives to advance a wholly German point of view. It's just history."
None of this is lost on the Japanese who are in the early planning stages of a
December 7th, 1941 Luau. Plans include a dinner of Miso soup plus a special fly-over. Banzai!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
...or would Guttenberg have sold more Bibles if he put Moses' picture on the jacket?
Things I learned while you were watching Dancing With the Stars:
Seriously, I refuse to watch reality TV on religious grounds but I understand that, while a team of professional judges has repeatedly suggested Bristol Palin get a performing arts scholarship from The Ministry of Silly Walks, America keeps voting her back on the show. Isitjustme update....apparently Ms. Palin was unable to jump the last hurdle to victory. Must have been all the donuts. According to the rules of the show, if enough of the citizens of fly-over country call in and vote for you, the judges opinion is overturned. Sort of like when voters pick someone who looks nice and talks funny rather than someone with actual ability.
We can only presume that Bristol and her multiple left feet are benefiting from couch-potato America's desire to vote for any Palin for...anything. If Major League Baseball isn't careful, Todd Palin might be voted starting shortstop for the 2011 All-Star Game. Bristol should be grateful that there isn't an intelligence test. "Who was Fred Astaire?" or "What dance movies have you seen?" might kill her chances.
___________________________________________________________________
And, proving once again that those monkeys and their typewriters may yet tap out Romeo and Juliet, Sarah Palin has another book with her name and face on the dust jacket. (To suggest she wrote the book would be like suggesting that the Chairman of Verizon wrote the Yellow Pages.) The space between the covers, like the space between Sarah's ears, is chock full of disjointed thoughts, useless homilies and non-sequiturs which mostly end in reflections on why Sarah and her wonderful family are so mercilessly persecuted by the media...except, of course, Fox. A thorough reading of "America By Heart Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag" (she forgot Mothers, Trains, Farms, and Dogs.) will tell the reader everything they need to know about the woman who wants to be President. Ms. Palin's book is a wonderful trip to the county fair: a few thrills and lots of stuff that might make America great but, all that cotton candy eventually makes you sick.
One feature of the book is a list of things that Sarah finds irritating; among them: talentless wannabes who appear on TV on shows like American Idol. WOW! Sarah Palin is irked by blatantly unqualified posers who present themselves as talented candidates for public approval. I guess FEDEX was late to Alaska with that last shipment of irony.
Still, the soon-to-be imagined Sarah Palin Library will have at least two books to go along with all those Facebook postings and Tweets. The Library, planned for the campus of The University of Phoenix on-line, should open in 2025. By then Sarah's son Track will have been hired as The Apprentice by Donald Trump on live TV.
Seriously, I refuse to watch reality TV on religious grounds but I understand that, while a team of professional judges has repeatedly suggested Bristol Palin get a performing arts scholarship from The Ministry of Silly Walks, America keeps voting her back on the show. Isitjustme update....apparently Ms. Palin was unable to jump the last hurdle to victory. Must have been all the donuts. According to the rules of the show, if enough of the citizens of fly-over country call in and vote for you, the judges opinion is overturned. Sort of like when voters pick someone who looks nice and talks funny rather than someone with actual ability.
We can only presume that Bristol and her multiple left feet are benefiting from couch-potato America's desire to vote for any Palin for...anything. If Major League Baseball isn't careful, Todd Palin might be voted starting shortstop for the 2011 All-Star Game. Bristol should be grateful that there isn't an intelligence test. "Who was Fred Astaire?" or "What dance movies have you seen?" might kill her chances.
___________________________________________________________________
And, proving once again that those monkeys and their typewriters may yet tap out Romeo and Juliet, Sarah Palin has another book with her name and face on the dust jacket. (To suggest she wrote the book would be like suggesting that the Chairman of Verizon wrote the Yellow Pages.) The space between the covers, like the space between Sarah's ears, is chock full of disjointed thoughts, useless homilies and non-sequiturs which mostly end in reflections on why Sarah and her wonderful family are so mercilessly persecuted by the media...except, of course, Fox. A thorough reading of "America By Heart Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag" (she forgot Mothers, Trains, Farms, and Dogs.) will tell the reader everything they need to know about the woman who wants to be President. Ms. Palin's book is a wonderful trip to the county fair: a few thrills and lots of stuff that might make America great but, all that cotton candy eventually makes you sick.
One feature of the book is a list of things that Sarah finds irritating; among them: talentless wannabes who appear on TV on shows like American Idol. WOW! Sarah Palin is irked by blatantly unqualified posers who present themselves as talented candidates for public approval. I guess FEDEX was late to Alaska with that last shipment of irony.
Still, the soon-to-be imagined Sarah Palin Library will have at least two books to go along with all those Facebook postings and Tweets. The Library, planned for the campus of The University of Phoenix on-line, should open in 2025. By then Sarah's son Track will have been hired as The Apprentice by Donald Trump on live TV.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
...or are we the country that put the "ass" in aspirational?
Stuff I discovered while searching for movie timetables:
John Tyner, a 31 year old software engineer made the big time on Youtube last week. John was passing through the airport in San Diego on his way to a vacation in South Dakota (clearly North Dakota was full-up) when he took it into his head to object to security screening. The fact that he recorded the entire episode on his phone indicates a willful intent to be a pain in the ass. Having rejected a full body scan (perhaps he's anatomically incorrect) he also objected to a pat down. His choice of catchphrase was "if you touch my junk I'll have you arrested". Not exactly "Give me liberty or give me death" but you go with what's handy.
Let's forget for the moment that this Dilbert-like dweeb couldn't get someone to fondle his berries if he had a hundred dollar bill behind his ear in Bangkok on a Saturday night. What was this guy thinking? "If I act like a jerk maybe they'll let me go through unmolested?" Was this a stand for human dignity? A stunt to achieve internet stardom? What Mr. Tyner achieved, aside from cult status as a punchline, was ejection from the San Diego airport and an investigation by the TSA that could cost him $11,000 in fines. Hey, I don't want to go to South Dakota either but I'm not prepared to fight Uncle Sam. Anyway, I hope Mr. Tyner is enjoying his fifteen minutes. Having gone home with his testicles unfondled, this is clearly not the textbook definition of a happy ending.
___________________________________________________________________
Lisa Murkowski, current and future Senator from Alaska, stated this week that, in her view, Sarah Palin lacked the intellectual curiosity to be president. A quick Google search revealed that this was the first time in three years Ms. Palin's name and the word intellectual appeared in the same sentence.
___________________________________________________________________
George W. Bush wrote a book about his eight years as President. (Insert you own joke here)
____________________________________________________________________
The Wakefield Track and Field Team of Wakefield Mass had to recall their team shirts after the somewhat clueless coaches and parents discovered the colloquial meaning of WTF. An expression of sympathy was immediately dispatched from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology.
____________________________________________________________________
Charlie Sheen appeared unfazed after he was discovered in a New York hotel room drunk and naked with a porn actress hiding in the bathroom. (And haven't we all been there?)"If a guy has one bad night, everybody goes insane and panics" said Sheen. If OJ had thought of that defense he'd be a free man today.
Ratings for Sheen's "Two and a Half Men" are still in the top ten. I love America. If Lindsay Lohan gets a speeding ticket, everybody and their mother (but not her mother) wants to have an intervention. Charlie S. gets to treat a hotel room like a battalion of English soccer fans and...nothing. Maybe it's a double standard or maybe Ms. Lohan needs to play a TV character who drinks like Richard Burton, drives like Nick Nolte, has a patter like Mel Gibson, abuses drugs like Keith Richards and has the morals of, say, Charlie Sheen. They could call it "CSI, Betty Ford".
John Tyner, a 31 year old software engineer made the big time on Youtube last week. John was passing through the airport in San Diego on his way to a vacation in South Dakota (clearly North Dakota was full-up) when he took it into his head to object to security screening. The fact that he recorded the entire episode on his phone indicates a willful intent to be a pain in the ass. Having rejected a full body scan (perhaps he's anatomically incorrect) he also objected to a pat down. His choice of catchphrase was "if you touch my junk I'll have you arrested". Not exactly "Give me liberty or give me death" but you go with what's handy.
Let's forget for the moment that this Dilbert-like dweeb couldn't get someone to fondle his berries if he had a hundred dollar bill behind his ear in Bangkok on a Saturday night. What was this guy thinking? "If I act like a jerk maybe they'll let me go through unmolested?" Was this a stand for human dignity? A stunt to achieve internet stardom? What Mr. Tyner achieved, aside from cult status as a punchline, was ejection from the San Diego airport and an investigation by the TSA that could cost him $11,000 in fines. Hey, I don't want to go to South Dakota either but I'm not prepared to fight Uncle Sam. Anyway, I hope Mr. Tyner is enjoying his fifteen minutes. Having gone home with his testicles unfondled, this is clearly not the textbook definition of a happy ending.
___________________________________________________________________
Lisa Murkowski, current and future Senator from Alaska, stated this week that, in her view, Sarah Palin lacked the intellectual curiosity to be president. A quick Google search revealed that this was the first time in three years Ms. Palin's name and the word intellectual appeared in the same sentence.
___________________________________________________________________
George W. Bush wrote a book about his eight years as President. (Insert you own joke here)
____________________________________________________________________
The Wakefield Track and Field Team of Wakefield Mass had to recall their team shirts after the somewhat clueless coaches and parents discovered the colloquial meaning of WTF. An expression of sympathy was immediately dispatched from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology.
____________________________________________________________________
Charlie Sheen appeared unfazed after he was discovered in a New York hotel room drunk and naked with a porn actress hiding in the bathroom. (And haven't we all been there?)"If a guy has one bad night, everybody goes insane and panics" said Sheen. If OJ had thought of that defense he'd be a free man today.
Ratings for Sheen's "Two and a Half Men" are still in the top ten. I love America. If Lindsay Lohan gets a speeding ticket, everybody and their mother (but not her mother) wants to have an intervention. Charlie S. gets to treat a hotel room like a battalion of English soccer fans and...nothing. Maybe it's a double standard or maybe Ms. Lohan needs to play a TV character who drinks like Richard Burton, drives like Nick Nolte, has a patter like Mel Gibson, abuses drugs like Keith Richards and has the morals of, say, Charlie Sheen. They could call it "CSI, Betty Ford".
Saturday, March 27, 2010
...or is there a good reason Bill Clinton never campaigned for Al Gore?
If anyone in Arizona should happen to find John McCain's soul, please drop it in any mailbox. Postage is paid. Honestly, how badly do you want to stay in the U.S. Senate that you would agree to appear on another stage with Sarah Palin? How little self worth must you have to attempt a smile and a hug from the runner-up Miss Vapid 1999? Jesus, John! Your wife has millions. You have more houses than you can count. The Democrats hate you. The Conservative wing of your own party (which is all but seven people) hate you. Your fan club consists of Joe Lieberman and two old guys from the VFW hall in Flagstaff. You have given 27 years to the Congress and all you have to show is a primary challenge from a dickweed talkshow host who, in a sane society, couldn't get elected to secretary of the Bisbee school board. I know you hate to lose John, but... Sarah Palin?
In case you missed "Sarah and John Deux", you didn't miss much. They were all there. Cindy McCain, who was promised after Nov. '08 that she would never have to stand on another platform and look at Sarah Palin's ass, was there. She still has the look of a traveling nurse ready to rush in at a minute's notice if John needs his meds. Todd "the cigar store Indian" Palin was there. Seriously, I get that Todd's wife is the gravy-train from heaven but shouldn't a real man from Alaska want to do more than adopt the fig-leaf pose one pace behind and to the left? Does he speak? Can he speak? Don't we all suspect there is a barc-a-lounger and a beer somewhere with his name on it? Jesus, the lead dog from the Iditarod winner has more personality.
Anyone tuning in midway through the news last night and seeing Johnny Mac and Sister Sarah on the platform must have thought they caught the tail end of America's Biggest Loser. McCain is trailing in the polls and may soon be dusting off the "you won't have John McCain to kick around anymore" speech made famous by Richard Nixon in 1962. The good people of Arizona who admired McCain's tough, bi-partisan, rational approach to government now feel that he is a tad too bi-partisan. Enter the biker-chick. Sarah resurrected her black leathers (more suited to an appearance in Sturgis, S.D.) to appear for the embattled candidate in Phoenix. She trotted out the usual platitudes that played so well at the Tea-bagger confab in Tenn. last month. This lady has more bromides than the Farmer's Almanac.
As uncomfortable political events went, this was the best (or worst) since Sammy Davis kissed Richard Nixon. McCain hates everything about the tea-baggers. Their noisiness says nothing; their fire has no warmth and their lack of focus (we hate taxes, we hate government, we really hate the black president) brings no direction. Tea-baggers aren't a movement; they're a soft- core, Klan pep rally. McCain is incensed at being tossed over the side by the very people he thought he was representing.
Palin, for her part, would rather return her wardrobe to the RNC than help John McCain. His campaign staff spent the summer filling a wing of the Library of Congress with "Sarah Sucks" books: "Sarah Sucks as a Candidate", "Sarah Sucks as a Student"," Sarah Sucks as a Team Player". They blamed her for everything from the weather on election day to Joe the Plumber's hair loss. Now she is forced to bite back the rage and tell the good people of Arizona what a knee-jerk conservative Good Old John McCain really is. At least she got to spear McCain with an age joke which was as unfunny as it was inappropriate.
Palin left Arizona secure in the knowledge that she had burnished her reputation as a loyalist who pays her political debts. She may have ditched the people of Alaska midway through her term and ignored the RNC National Convention in favor of the Tea-baggers (six figure checks notwithstanding) but, by God, she wasn't going to abandon the man who made her a household name. Sarah moved on with a clear conscience to her next event: a rally against Senator Harry Reid in Nevada. New state...same audience. Maybe they could dress Todd up like a blackjack dealer.
In case you missed "Sarah and John Deux", you didn't miss much. They were all there. Cindy McCain, who was promised after Nov. '08 that she would never have to stand on another platform and look at Sarah Palin's ass, was there. She still has the look of a traveling nurse ready to rush in at a minute's notice if John needs his meds. Todd "the cigar store Indian" Palin was there. Seriously, I get that Todd's wife is the gravy-train from heaven but shouldn't a real man from Alaska want to do more than adopt the fig-leaf pose one pace behind and to the left? Does he speak? Can he speak? Don't we all suspect there is a barc-a-lounger and a beer somewhere with his name on it? Jesus, the lead dog from the Iditarod winner has more personality.
Anyone tuning in midway through the news last night and seeing Johnny Mac and Sister Sarah on the platform must have thought they caught the tail end of America's Biggest Loser. McCain is trailing in the polls and may soon be dusting off the "you won't have John McCain to kick around anymore" speech made famous by Richard Nixon in 1962. The good people of Arizona who admired McCain's tough, bi-partisan, rational approach to government now feel that he is a tad too bi-partisan. Enter the biker-chick. Sarah resurrected her black leathers (more suited to an appearance in Sturgis, S.D.) to appear for the embattled candidate in Phoenix. She trotted out the usual platitudes that played so well at the Tea-bagger confab in Tenn. last month. This lady has more bromides than the Farmer's Almanac.
As uncomfortable political events went, this was the best (or worst) since Sammy Davis kissed Richard Nixon. McCain hates everything about the tea-baggers. Their noisiness says nothing; their fire has no warmth and their lack of focus (we hate taxes, we hate government, we really hate the black president) brings no direction. Tea-baggers aren't a movement; they're a soft- core, Klan pep rally. McCain is incensed at being tossed over the side by the very people he thought he was representing.
Palin, for her part, would rather return her wardrobe to the RNC than help John McCain. His campaign staff spent the summer filling a wing of the Library of Congress with "Sarah Sucks" books: "Sarah Sucks as a Candidate", "Sarah Sucks as a Student"," Sarah Sucks as a Team Player". They blamed her for everything from the weather on election day to Joe the Plumber's hair loss. Now she is forced to bite back the rage and tell the good people of Arizona what a knee-jerk conservative Good Old John McCain really is. At least she got to spear McCain with an age joke which was as unfunny as it was inappropriate.
Palin left Arizona secure in the knowledge that she had burnished her reputation as a loyalist who pays her political debts. She may have ditched the people of Alaska midway through her term and ignored the RNC National Convention in favor of the Tea-baggers (six figure checks notwithstanding) but, by God, she wasn't going to abandon the man who made her a household name. Sarah moved on with a clear conscience to her next event: a rally against Senator Harry Reid in Nevada. New state...same audience. Maybe they could dress Todd up like a blackjack dealer.
Friday, February 05, 2010
...or is the Tea-bag Movement a strong brew?
If it's Nashville, it must be the Tea-Baggers Convocation.
The grass-roots movement spawned by the election of a black liberal as President and whipped into a froth by Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity, has descended on America's heartland for three days of peace, love and joy. The banner welcoming attendees to the Gaylord Opryland Hotel (Gaylord?) proclaims "Give us your white, your old, your overweight yearning to breathe free." Well, not exactly free. Assuming you drive the family pickup truck from God's Garterbelt, Arkansas and stay at the Sleep Inn in Murfreesboro instead of the pricey Opryland Hotel, you are still paying $549 a head to listen to the speechifying. As to the event, America hasn't seen this many white people in one room since George W. Bush's last golf outing. Canadian hockey crowds are more diverse. Attendance has been solid, owing to the fact that most Tea-baggers are retired or at least negotiated a few days off from their greeters job at Walmart.
The convention got off to a rousing start with a kickoff speech by Tom Tancredo, former Congressman from Colorado. Aside from his somewhat truncated bid for the Presidency in 2008, (he never got off the bus in New Hampshire) Tancredo is perhaps best remembered as the anti-immigration candidate who suggested that all immigration be halted for three years while current immigrants assimilate. Plans for stopping illegal immigrants from entering the country included fences, guns and a lot of harsh language. He has also suggested that any further attacks like 9-11 should be met with the immediate destruction of Mecca. A Molotov Cocktail party will follow.
Breakfast on Friday will feature Steve Milloy, FoxNews commentator famous for labeling all research on climate change as "junk science". Milloy also disputes the harm done by second-hand smoke, views the Clean Air Act as an abridgement of freedom and has campaigned against the ban on DDT. Milloy's cozy and longstanding relationship with the tobacco industry has cast a cloud over his credibility. No matter. Most of the attendees will be out for a smoke break during his address.
Lunch will include a speech by former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore. Judge Moore came to prominence as the jurist who resisted a federal court order to remove a monument of the Ten Commandments from the Alabama State Courthouse in 2003. The Alabama judiciary responded by removing not just the monument but also removed Judge Moore. The Judge will be accompanied by Joseph Farah. Mr. Farah, editor of the conservative website WorldNetDaily, is one of the more vocal adherents to the notion that Barack Obama is a Kenyan. Saturday's breakfast speaker is Ana Puig who will discourse on the correlation between Barack Obama and the Marxist Dictators of Latin America. Oddly, the Mensa Society passed on an opportunity to stage a membership drive in the hotel lobby. Seriously, why would any movement with aspirations of being taken seriously as a political force invite this collection of wingnuts to speak at their meeting? The only applehead missing is Lyndon Larouche.
Delightfully, the piece de resistance is the keynote speech delivered by the always insightful Sarah Palin. Despite collecting $100,000 for her starring role (the Governor of Alaska makes $150,000, dinner not included) Sarah claims it's not about the money. Her theory is that as long as the Tea-baggers are determined to be fleeced, it might as well be by someone who loves them. Sweet Sarah is apt to look a bit lonely in Nashville. Her usual props: unwed daughter w/ baby, goofy husband, Cindy McCain staring holes in the back of her head will all be missing. It will be just Sarah and the 1,100 or so faithful admirers. No hints have emerged as to the topic of Gov. Palin's address but we can expect plenty of "golly shucks" and a few "you betcha's." There was a "substance alert" earlier in the week but Ms. Palin's spokespeople assured the group that the Governor would never say anything meaningful or significant. Thank heaven for that!
The organizers of the event have rejected a re-creation of the famous Boston Tea Party as potentially dangerous. With all the elderly attendees, there was some concern about throwing the wrong bags overboard. Sorry!
The grass-roots movement spawned by the election of a black liberal as President and whipped into a froth by Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity, has descended on America's heartland for three days of peace, love and joy. The banner welcoming attendees to the Gaylord Opryland Hotel (Gaylord?) proclaims "Give us your white, your old, your overweight yearning to breathe free." Well, not exactly free. Assuming you drive the family pickup truck from God's Garterbelt, Arkansas and stay at the Sleep Inn in Murfreesboro instead of the pricey Opryland Hotel, you are still paying $549 a head to listen to the speechifying. As to the event, America hasn't seen this many white people in one room since George W. Bush's last golf outing. Canadian hockey crowds are more diverse. Attendance has been solid, owing to the fact that most Tea-baggers are retired or at least negotiated a few days off from their greeters job at Walmart.
The convention got off to a rousing start with a kickoff speech by Tom Tancredo, former Congressman from Colorado. Aside from his somewhat truncated bid for the Presidency in 2008, (he never got off the bus in New Hampshire) Tancredo is perhaps best remembered as the anti-immigration candidate who suggested that all immigration be halted for three years while current immigrants assimilate. Plans for stopping illegal immigrants from entering the country included fences, guns and a lot of harsh language. He has also suggested that any further attacks like 9-11 should be met with the immediate destruction of Mecca. A Molotov Cocktail party will follow.
Breakfast on Friday will feature Steve Milloy, FoxNews commentator famous for labeling all research on climate change as "junk science". Milloy also disputes the harm done by second-hand smoke, views the Clean Air Act as an abridgement of freedom and has campaigned against the ban on DDT. Milloy's cozy and longstanding relationship with the tobacco industry has cast a cloud over his credibility. No matter. Most of the attendees will be out for a smoke break during his address.
Lunch will include a speech by former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore. Judge Moore came to prominence as the jurist who resisted a federal court order to remove a monument of the Ten Commandments from the Alabama State Courthouse in 2003. The Alabama judiciary responded by removing not just the monument but also removed Judge Moore. The Judge will be accompanied by Joseph Farah. Mr. Farah, editor of the conservative website WorldNetDaily, is one of the more vocal adherents to the notion that Barack Obama is a Kenyan. Saturday's breakfast speaker is Ana Puig who will discourse on the correlation between Barack Obama and the Marxist Dictators of Latin America. Oddly, the Mensa Society passed on an opportunity to stage a membership drive in the hotel lobby. Seriously, why would any movement with aspirations of being taken seriously as a political force invite this collection of wingnuts to speak at their meeting? The only applehead missing is Lyndon Larouche.
Delightfully, the piece de resistance is the keynote speech delivered by the always insightful Sarah Palin. Despite collecting $100,000 for her starring role (the Governor of Alaska makes $150,000, dinner not included) Sarah claims it's not about the money. Her theory is that as long as the Tea-baggers are determined to be fleeced, it might as well be by someone who loves them. Sweet Sarah is apt to look a bit lonely in Nashville. Her usual props: unwed daughter w/ baby, goofy husband, Cindy McCain staring holes in the back of her head will all be missing. It will be just Sarah and the 1,100 or so faithful admirers. No hints have emerged as to the topic of Gov. Palin's address but we can expect plenty of "golly shucks" and a few "you betcha's." There was a "substance alert" earlier in the week but Ms. Palin's spokespeople assured the group that the Governor would never say anything meaningful or significant. Thank heaven for that!
The organizers of the event have rejected a re-creation of the famous Boston Tea Party as potentially dangerous. With all the elderly attendees, there was some concern about throwing the wrong bags overboard. Sorry!
Friday, January 15, 2010
...or is the catchphrase "I don't want to dwell on the past" an acceptable criminal defense?
The news has been replete lately with public figures who just want to move on. First we had the inflatable Mark McGuire who, unlike his recent self flagellation, told Congress in 2005 "I'm not here to talk about the past". Wise choice in that McGuire's past included a cornucopia of performance-enhancing drugs. Considering McGuire's recent performance for Bob Costas (Mark has obviously traded steroids for botox and #10 pancake) he might have been better off to stay in the medicine closet. His assertion that the drugs he ingested, injected and ran through barefoot had no effect on his home run production sounded as ridiculous as suggesting that air pressure has no discernible effect on the bounce capability of a basketball.
McGuire apparently intended, with his non-testimony before Congress, that he would blithely move on to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Clearly Mr. McGuire's ego was as inflated as his biceps and his hat size. The baseball writers who guard the Hall in Cooperstown with their votes take a dim view of players who owe their statistic excellence to Johnson & Johnson and Merck rather than to Spalding or Hillerich and Bradsby. Mark McGuire's best chance for admission to the Hall of Fame will be if they create a Steroids/HGH wing. Guests will include Sammy(my English fails me under oath) Sosa and Bobby ('roids made me strong as a horse but also made me a horse's ass) Bonds. Naturally the wing will have an inflatable roof.
Our second guest in the "let's not dwell on the past" spotlight is John McCain. The former Republican Presidential Candidate was interviewed this week regarding revelations in the new book "Game Changer". According to sources in the book, McCain knew more about the valet at the Phoenician Hotel than he did about the Kewpie doll he nominated for Vice President. When asked about the appalling lack of vetting regarding Sister Sarah, McCain smiled that "edge of Alzheimer's" smile he has perfected and told Matt Lauer "I'm not going to comment on things that happened over a year ago." There's a 50/50 chance that he won't comment because he can't remember. If you proposed a woman for national office who thinks Morocco is a musical instrument or that Einstein is famous for his bagel recipe, you'd want to forget all about it, too. Unfortunately, the vapid, empty-headed, former Miss Wasilla didn't disappear back into the tundra after the votes were counted. Like that pizza you ate too late at night Ms. Palin has regurgitated all over the American landscape.
Interestingly, McCain doesn't mind living in the past when the past includes his impressive war record or his time as U.S. Senator. His selective amnesia (from August to November, 2008) is no doubt triggered by the grim reminder that Sarah Palin was not Joe Lieberman in drag. She's more like Glen Beck in glasses. If I'd turned Sarah Palin loose on this unsuspecting world, I'd change the subject also.
Anyway, the moral of the story is if you have done something heinous or just stupid and you are called to task, merely indicate that you don't want to dwell on the past. This defense might have served several characters in history quite well. Imagine if George Armstrong Custer had lived to stand trial for incompetence. As he was picking arrows out of his epaulets he might have stood fully erect and proclaimed "Yes I did recklessly lead 208 men to their death along the Little Big Horn River in 1876 but I prefer not to dwell on the sins of the past..." This might even work for Karl Rove, if only we could forget him.
McGuire apparently intended, with his non-testimony before Congress, that he would blithely move on to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Clearly Mr. McGuire's ego was as inflated as his biceps and his hat size. The baseball writers who guard the Hall in Cooperstown with their votes take a dim view of players who owe their statistic excellence to Johnson & Johnson and Merck rather than to Spalding or Hillerich and Bradsby. Mark McGuire's best chance for admission to the Hall of Fame will be if they create a Steroids/HGH wing. Guests will include Sammy(my English fails me under oath) Sosa and Bobby ('roids made me strong as a horse but also made me a horse's ass) Bonds. Naturally the wing will have an inflatable roof.
Our second guest in the "let's not dwell on the past" spotlight is John McCain. The former Republican Presidential Candidate was interviewed this week regarding revelations in the new book "Game Changer". According to sources in the book, McCain knew more about the valet at the Phoenician Hotel than he did about the Kewpie doll he nominated for Vice President. When asked about the appalling lack of vetting regarding Sister Sarah, McCain smiled that "edge of Alzheimer's" smile he has perfected and told Matt Lauer "I'm not going to comment on things that happened over a year ago." There's a 50/50 chance that he won't comment because he can't remember. If you proposed a woman for national office who thinks Morocco is a musical instrument or that Einstein is famous for his bagel recipe, you'd want to forget all about it, too. Unfortunately, the vapid, empty-headed, former Miss Wasilla didn't disappear back into the tundra after the votes were counted. Like that pizza you ate too late at night Ms. Palin has regurgitated all over the American landscape.
Interestingly, McCain doesn't mind living in the past when the past includes his impressive war record or his time as U.S. Senator. His selective amnesia (from August to November, 2008) is no doubt triggered by the grim reminder that Sarah Palin was not Joe Lieberman in drag. She's more like Glen Beck in glasses. If I'd turned Sarah Palin loose on this unsuspecting world, I'd change the subject also.
Anyway, the moral of the story is if you have done something heinous or just stupid and you are called to task, merely indicate that you don't want to dwell on the past. This defense might have served several characters in history quite well. Imagine if George Armstrong Custer had lived to stand trial for incompetence. As he was picking arrows out of his epaulets he might have stood fully erect and proclaimed "Yes I did recklessly lead 208 men to their death along the Little Big Horn River in 1876 but I prefer not to dwell on the sins of the past..." This might even work for Karl Rove, if only we could forget him.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
...or will Sarah Palin have a better view of Russia from a seat at Fox News?
Good for Sarah. Having graduated from Twitter and Facebook (although it is an incremental step) our girl Sarah has signed a contract to occasionally, when she's in the mood, when the book tour is over, appear sporadically on some show on Fox News. I know I've marked my calendar. This is a good thing. Not only will we be able to keep an eye on her for the next three years but, now America will have someone to obsess over once Rod Blogojevich goes to prison. The Right can remind themselves why they fell in love with her in the first place and the Left can tear their hair out wondering why anyone would pay attention to a national politician who thinks that Cameroon is a type of coconut cookie.
We wish Sister Sarah all the success in the world. Unless and until Fox hires Katie Couric, it should be smooth sailing.
____________________________________________________________________
On the "Who Gives A S**t" scale for today, the top spot goes to the heartbreaking news that Simon Cowel will be leaving American Idol after this season. Honestly, why would anyone with an IQ in double digits possibly care where this irritating man spends the next 50 years? When one considers the success of shows like American Idol and The Weakest Link the only conclusion is Americans get some perverse pleasure from being abused by almost anyone with a British accent. It's apparently entertaining to tell someone they're a no talent clod as long as you sound like the GEICO gecko. Has anyone asked Simon Cowel to sing? or act? or do anything that doesn't involve tee shirts two sizes too small?
Cowel is said to be contemplating a new show on Fox for 2011. Security is tight but rumor has it that the show will involve Sarah Palin debating a bag of doorknobs. Moderated by Cowel and Mike Huckabee, the majority of the show will be devoted to correcting Ms. Palin's pronunciation of nuclear. The fallback option is "The Real Housewives of Wasilla".
___________________________________________________________________
Because the theme for today appears to be Fox News, we would be remiss not to mentioni the recent comment of retired news anchor Brit Hume. Mr. Hume was participating in a free-for-all editorial discussion, which is to be distinguished from news broadcasts in that no actual facts are permitted. When asked about the current predicament of America's favorite golfer, Mr. Hume donned his clerical collar and allowed that Tiger Woods should embrace the Christian faith. Brit explained that Woods, a nominal Buddhist, would never receive the forgiveness and redemption he needs unless he steps into the Light.
Normally, we would mercilessly eviscerate Mr. Hume for presuming to tell someone that their religion didn't measure up and that Christianity was the only path to salvation. However, in this case we are giving Brit a pass. Mr. Hume lost a son to suicide in 1998 and, according to his later commentary, it was his faith in Christ that got him through his grief. Because I have no frame of reference here, Mr. Hume gets a mulligan.
We wish Sister Sarah all the success in the world. Unless and until Fox hires Katie Couric, it should be smooth sailing.
____________________________________________________________________
On the "Who Gives A S**t" scale for today, the top spot goes to the heartbreaking news that Simon Cowel will be leaving American Idol after this season. Honestly, why would anyone with an IQ in double digits possibly care where this irritating man spends the next 50 years? When one considers the success of shows like American Idol and The Weakest Link the only conclusion is Americans get some perverse pleasure from being abused by almost anyone with a British accent. It's apparently entertaining to tell someone they're a no talent clod as long as you sound like the GEICO gecko. Has anyone asked Simon Cowel to sing? or act? or do anything that doesn't involve tee shirts two sizes too small?
Cowel is said to be contemplating a new show on Fox for 2011. Security is tight but rumor has it that the show will involve Sarah Palin debating a bag of doorknobs. Moderated by Cowel and Mike Huckabee, the majority of the show will be devoted to correcting Ms. Palin's pronunciation of nuclear. The fallback option is "The Real Housewives of Wasilla".
___________________________________________________________________
Because the theme for today appears to be Fox News, we would be remiss not to mentioni the recent comment of retired news anchor Brit Hume. Mr. Hume was participating in a free-for-all editorial discussion, which is to be distinguished from news broadcasts in that no actual facts are permitted. When asked about the current predicament of America's favorite golfer, Mr. Hume donned his clerical collar and allowed that Tiger Woods should embrace the Christian faith. Brit explained that Woods, a nominal Buddhist, would never receive the forgiveness and redemption he needs unless he steps into the Light.
Normally, we would mercilessly eviscerate Mr. Hume for presuming to tell someone that their religion didn't measure up and that Christianity was the only path to salvation. However, in this case we are giving Brit a pass. Mr. Hume lost a son to suicide in 1998 and, according to his later commentary, it was his faith in Christ that got him through his grief. Because I have no frame of reference here, Mr. Hume gets a mulligan.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
...or does Glen Beck look like Porky Pig with a bad crewcut?
Reasons to move to France:
The smiling Salahis, Tareq and Michaele, fresh from their gig as uninvited guests at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., are getting what they always wanted: their 14.5 minutes of fame. In keeping with America's tradition of rewarding moronic behavior, these celebrity wanna-be's will get to make the rounds of the oatmeal circuit and, who knows, maybe Oprah. Forgotten are the myriad Secret Service agents who will certainly be either fired or shipped to Waserastan thanks to these two clowns. Bumper stickers are now being printed for all Secret Service cars which read "A tux and a pretty wife only gets you into the White House if you're elected".
The only possible purpose these nobodies could serve is to waltz into Tiger Woods' gated community and attempt to discover why Tiger's wife smashed the back window of his SUV in an attempt to extricate him from the driver's seat.
___________________________________________________________________
A New York City high school teacher is suing the Board of Ed for injuries sustained as a result of slipping on the free condoms distributed to the students. The lawsuit, filed by Karen Hollender, allows for several lines of inquiry: 1) Should additional class-time be devoted to how condoms are used and disposed of without the use of bananas? 2) Do students believe that condoms and banana peels are similar? or, 3) Is the promiscuity level so high at some schools that, just the distribution of condoms causes a flurry of sexual activity in the hallways? We may never know.
___________________________________________________________________
Much is being made of a "suggestive, overtly sexual" performance rendered by Adam Lambert at the American Music Awards last month. Beyond the usual questions about what is appropriate for network television and how far is too far, one needs to address the key question in the debate...Who the f**k is Adam Lambert?
___________________________________________________________________
Sarah Palin's "memoir" (by this definition Ian Flemming's James Bond books were memoirs) has passed the 500,000 mark in sales. However, before you renew your passport and buy that one-way ticket to Charles de Gaulle Airport, remember that America bought 400,000 copies of Bill Clinton's "My Life" not to mention millions of pet rocks, mood rings and Donna Fargo's "Happiest Girl in the Whole USA". I understand that a copy of Sarah's books will now be given away free with the purchase of "Jingle Bells" as performed by the Barking Dogs. We're such children.
___________________________________________________________________
In for a penny, in for a pound.
Determined to regain their 13th Century status as a temporal power, the Catholic Church in the United States is attempting to use whatever clout they have left to influence the pending healthcare legislation. Unable to persuade American Catholics that: condoms are evil, stem cell research is the devil's business, your living will is irrelevant and, of course, a woman has no right to choose; the Vatican's Men in Black are trying their luck in Congress. We wish them the best of luck.
If successful, the bishops will move on to civil law and attempt to prohibit law suits against pedophile priests.
The smiling Salahis, Tareq and Michaele, fresh from their gig as uninvited guests at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., are getting what they always wanted: their 14.5 minutes of fame. In keeping with America's tradition of rewarding moronic behavior, these celebrity wanna-be's will get to make the rounds of the oatmeal circuit and, who knows, maybe Oprah. Forgotten are the myriad Secret Service agents who will certainly be either fired or shipped to Waserastan thanks to these two clowns. Bumper stickers are now being printed for all Secret Service cars which read "A tux and a pretty wife only gets you into the White House if you're elected".
The only possible purpose these nobodies could serve is to waltz into Tiger Woods' gated community and attempt to discover why Tiger's wife smashed the back window of his SUV in an attempt to extricate him from the driver's seat.
___________________________________________________________________
A New York City high school teacher is suing the Board of Ed for injuries sustained as a result of slipping on the free condoms distributed to the students. The lawsuit, filed by Karen Hollender, allows for several lines of inquiry: 1) Should additional class-time be devoted to how condoms are used and disposed of without the use of bananas? 2) Do students believe that condoms and banana peels are similar? or, 3) Is the promiscuity level so high at some schools that, just the distribution of condoms causes a flurry of sexual activity in the hallways? We may never know.
___________________________________________________________________
Much is being made of a "suggestive, overtly sexual" performance rendered by Adam Lambert at the American Music Awards last month. Beyond the usual questions about what is appropriate for network television and how far is too far, one needs to address the key question in the debate...Who the f**k is Adam Lambert?
___________________________________________________________________
Sarah Palin's "memoir" (by this definition Ian Flemming's James Bond books were memoirs) has passed the 500,000 mark in sales. However, before you renew your passport and buy that one-way ticket to Charles de Gaulle Airport, remember that America bought 400,000 copies of Bill Clinton's "My Life" not to mention millions of pet rocks, mood rings and Donna Fargo's "Happiest Girl in the Whole USA". I understand that a copy of Sarah's books will now be given away free with the purchase of "Jingle Bells" as performed by the Barking Dogs. We're such children.
___________________________________________________________________
In for a penny, in for a pound.
Determined to regain their 13th Century status as a temporal power, the Catholic Church in the United States is attempting to use whatever clout they have left to influence the pending healthcare legislation. Unable to persuade American Catholics that: condoms are evil, stem cell research is the devil's business, your living will is irrelevant and, of course, a woman has no right to choose; the Vatican's Men in Black are trying their luck in Congress. We wish them the best of luck.
If successful, the bishops will move on to civil law and attempt to prohibit law suits against pedophile priests.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
...or does eating clowns make your mouth taste funny?
Things of interest to no one but me:
Item
Sarah Palin, the doyen of style over substance, is in the news again this week. Well OK she's in the news every week. This week she's on the front page. Proving that old saw that monkeys with word processors could eventually turn out Hamlet, Sarah Palin has written a book. Ya gotta love celebrities who have written more books than they've read. The hardcover edition contains 413 pages but if the print was any bigger, your optometrist could use it for the top of his eye chart. To suggest that the book is light on substance is to say that reality television is light on script. Readers downloading to Kindles report that entire chapters have floated into the ether before reaching their device.
The book is however, heavy on invectives, long on backbiting and, chock full of recipes on how to botch a presidential campaign. According to Palin, her instincts were right more of the time and, had the stuffed shirts in the McCain campaign let her alone, she and John would have been pageant-walking down Pennsylvania Ave. on Jan 20, 2009. Of particular interest is her take on the Katie Couric interview. At no time can Sarah offer any explaination for her colossally clueless answers. We still don't know what she reads.
If Sarah wants to know what not to do in a race for President, she might try a few chapters of Going Rogue. She might even recognize some of the characters.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
And on the subject of the Republicans in 2012, I have the perfect candidates. How about
PALIN - PREJEAN 2012
All that hair with nothing underneath. These are the candidates made in heaven (assuming Mattel has a factory there). Imagine two women constructed entirely of platitudes and cliches. Because they don't actually stand for anything they can't be attacked for their views. Like wind blowing through bridge cables. They can attend rallies all over America. Unencumbered by all those annoying policy wonks and speech-writers, these gals can manage with just a good wardrobe consultant, a makeup artist and a guy who's really good with a comb and brush. They could run their entire campaign through guest appearances on the View...and,of course, Fox News.
So be on the lookout for the "Don't Vote For Me Because I'm Pretty" tour followed by Carrie Prejean's new book "Why Fill Your Mind With Useless Facts When You Can Fill Your Sweater With Useful Silicone".
____________________________________________________________________ Item
The most disgraceful name in all of professional sports has survived a court challenge and will probably not be changed in the near future. The Washington Redskins will continue to remind America that it's OK to denigrate a minority as long as that minority isn't powerful enough to resist.
The actual lawsuit was filed and rejected by the the Supreme Court (care to check how many are season ticket holders?) based on copyright law. I suspect the bad press was intended to coerce the Redskins into reconsidering their mascot name. Anyone who thought that would happen didn't know Jack Kent Cooke, former owner of the team. Anyway, if more people would express revulsion at this racist slur something might happen. If not, America should bombard Dan Snyder, current owner, with alternative names as a way of highlighting the offensiveness of the current one. The Potomac Pollacks, The Capital Kikes, The Federal Faggots, or even The District Darkies all have a certain ring. To be fair, they tried using The Washington Whoremongers for a while but members of Congress were offended. Who knew that was even possible?
Item
Sarah Palin, the doyen of style over substance, is in the news again this week. Well OK she's in the news every week. This week she's on the front page. Proving that old saw that monkeys with word processors could eventually turn out Hamlet, Sarah Palin has written a book. Ya gotta love celebrities who have written more books than they've read. The hardcover edition contains 413 pages but if the print was any bigger, your optometrist could use it for the top of his eye chart. To suggest that the book is light on substance is to say that reality television is light on script. Readers downloading to Kindles report that entire chapters have floated into the ether before reaching their device.
The book is however, heavy on invectives, long on backbiting and, chock full of recipes on how to botch a presidential campaign. According to Palin, her instincts were right more of the time and, had the stuffed shirts in the McCain campaign let her alone, she and John would have been pageant-walking down Pennsylvania Ave. on Jan 20, 2009. Of particular interest is her take on the Katie Couric interview. At no time can Sarah offer any explaination for her colossally clueless answers. We still don't know what she reads.
If Sarah wants to know what not to do in a race for President, she might try a few chapters of Going Rogue. She might even recognize some of the characters.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
And on the subject of the Republicans in 2012, I have the perfect candidates. How about
PALIN - PREJEAN 2012
All that hair with nothing underneath. These are the candidates made in heaven (assuming Mattel has a factory there). Imagine two women constructed entirely of platitudes and cliches. Because they don't actually stand for anything they can't be attacked for their views. Like wind blowing through bridge cables. They can attend rallies all over America. Unencumbered by all those annoying policy wonks and speech-writers, these gals can manage with just a good wardrobe consultant, a makeup artist and a guy who's really good with a comb and brush. They could run their entire campaign through guest appearances on the View...and,of course, Fox News.
So be on the lookout for the "Don't Vote For Me Because I'm Pretty" tour followed by Carrie Prejean's new book "Why Fill Your Mind With Useless Facts When You Can Fill Your Sweater With Useful Silicone".
____________________________________________________________________ Item
The most disgraceful name in all of professional sports has survived a court challenge and will probably not be changed in the near future. The Washington Redskins will continue to remind America that it's OK to denigrate a minority as long as that minority isn't powerful enough to resist.
The actual lawsuit was filed and rejected by the the Supreme Court (care to check how many are season ticket holders?) based on copyright law. I suspect the bad press was intended to coerce the Redskins into reconsidering their mascot name. Anyone who thought that would happen didn't know Jack Kent Cooke, former owner of the team. Anyway, if more people would express revulsion at this racist slur something might happen. If not, America should bombard Dan Snyder, current owner, with alternative names as a way of highlighting the offensiveness of the current one. The Potomac Pollacks, The Capital Kikes, The Federal Faggots, or even The District Darkies all have a certain ring. To be fair, they tried using The Washington Whoremongers for a while but members of Congress were offended. Who knew that was even possible?
Thursday, November 05, 2009
...or does Fox News exist solely to make the rest of us feel smarter?
Well, now that "Decision 2009" is over, we can safely say all the important questions have been answered. Was the election in the frozen tundra of New York's 23rd Congressional District a referendum on Conservatives vs Moderates in the Republican Party? Ask Fox. Was the never-in-doubt Governor's race in Virginia a rebuke of Barack Obama? Ask MSNBC. Was the not-as-close-as-you-thought defeat of Jon Corzine a repudiation of men who foppishly dropped the "h" from their first name? CNN knows. Was the closer-that-expected election for mayor in New York affected by a six game World Series? Inquire at ESPN.
The answer to the burning question as to what we learned from the governors' races in New Jersey and Virginia, the answer is ...nothing. Jersey first. Corzine was wildly unpopular long before the President proposed healthcare. He was losing his grip on power well before the tea-baggers showed on Fox News. No one in the Garden State trudged to the polls on Tuesday to express an opinion on Barack Obama. They voted against Jon Corzine. The happy beneficiary of that sentiment was Chris Christie who happened to be a Republican. Had the party labels been reversed, the result would have remained the same: incumbent out...new guy in.
Virginia is a bit different. Bob McDonnell defeated Creigh Deeds because Deeds ran the single most inept campaign since John McCain. McDonnell is a social neocon of the first magnitude. He's one of the last of the "bare-foot and pregnant" crowd. The choice should have been one guy walking upright; the other, not so much. Sadly, Deeds never bothered to tell anyone who he was. Having somehow beaten Terry McCauliffe in a primary, he apparently felt the fight was over. The voters of Virginia felt otherwise. If you wish to draw a conclusion fror this contest draw this one: if you run a crumby campaign you will likely be the one making the early concession speech to an empty ballroom.
With regards to the imperial election in New York, you can't help but wonder; if $85 million only buys you 51% of the vote, what would a landslide cost? Michael Bloomberg laid out $152 for every New Yorker that circled his name. For that money you could almost buy a ticket to a Yankee game. Still, New Yorkers take exception to having their term limits laws ignored even by a mayor as reasonably popular as Little Mikey. In the future Mayor Bloomberg would be advised to try for something less stressful... like Eliot Spitzer's press agent.
And now we come to the Land That Time Forgot...New York's chilly 23rd Congressional District. This place is so far upstate that snow is considered a natural resource. It's also home to some of the country's most rock-ribbed conservatives. The 23rd hasn't voted for a Democrat practically since the Erie Canal opened. It was impossible for the GOP to lose this seat when the President nominated Congressman John McHugh to be Secretary of the Army. Ah, but no one ever went broke underestimating the ineptitude of the Republican Party. The party locals nominated Dede Scozzafava to run in a special election. But wait! Ms. Scozzafava is pro gay. She's pro choice. She's (dare we say it) moderate. That would never do.
Determined to cause a problem where none existed, the neocon purists decided to abandon sweet Dede in favor of a "true" conservative, Doug Hoffman. Never mind that he didn't actually live in the district or understand what issues mattered to the locals, he had his social ducks in order. Apparently Alaska's own Sarah Palin assumed that anyone with frost in their ears was her kind of people. After all, the populations are almost identical: 600,000 or so people trying to keep warm. Sarah lent her 1,000 watt smile and her lower wattage brain to the contest. This sort of carpetbagging went over like a Jello snow shovel. The Republicans were able to turn a sure victory into another Congressional vote for the Blue team. These guys couldn't get a Muslim elected in Iran.
So, what have we learned from "America goes to the Polls, 2009"? From Jon Corzine we learned that incumbency is it's own punishment. From Creigh Deeds we discovered that campaigning isn't really underrated. From Mike Bloomberg we find out that the third time isn't always the charm or three strikes and you're out. And from the "defeat from the jaws of victory" crowd in New York's 23rd district we learned that up state New Yorkers can smell manure even under all that Alaska snow.
The answer to the burning question as to what we learned from the governors' races in New Jersey and Virginia, the answer is ...nothing. Jersey first. Corzine was wildly unpopular long before the President proposed healthcare. He was losing his grip on power well before the tea-baggers showed on Fox News. No one in the Garden State trudged to the polls on Tuesday to express an opinion on Barack Obama. They voted against Jon Corzine. The happy beneficiary of that sentiment was Chris Christie who happened to be a Republican. Had the party labels been reversed, the result would have remained the same: incumbent out...new guy in.
Virginia is a bit different. Bob McDonnell defeated Creigh Deeds because Deeds ran the single most inept campaign since John McCain. McDonnell is a social neocon of the first magnitude. He's one of the last of the "bare-foot and pregnant" crowd. The choice should have been one guy walking upright; the other, not so much. Sadly, Deeds never bothered to tell anyone who he was. Having somehow beaten Terry McCauliffe in a primary, he apparently felt the fight was over. The voters of Virginia felt otherwise. If you wish to draw a conclusion fror this contest draw this one: if you run a crumby campaign you will likely be the one making the early concession speech to an empty ballroom.
With regards to the imperial election in New York, you can't help but wonder; if $85 million only buys you 51% of the vote, what would a landslide cost? Michael Bloomberg laid out $152 for every New Yorker that circled his name. For that money you could almost buy a ticket to a Yankee game. Still, New Yorkers take exception to having their term limits laws ignored even by a mayor as reasonably popular as Little Mikey. In the future Mayor Bloomberg would be advised to try for something less stressful... like Eliot Spitzer's press agent.
And now we come to the Land That Time Forgot...New York's chilly 23rd Congressional District. This place is so far upstate that snow is considered a natural resource. It's also home to some of the country's most rock-ribbed conservatives. The 23rd hasn't voted for a Democrat practically since the Erie Canal opened. It was impossible for the GOP to lose this seat when the President nominated Congressman John McHugh to be Secretary of the Army. Ah, but no one ever went broke underestimating the ineptitude of the Republican Party. The party locals nominated Dede Scozzafava to run in a special election. But wait! Ms. Scozzafava is pro gay. She's pro choice. She's (dare we say it) moderate. That would never do.
Determined to cause a problem where none existed, the neocon purists decided to abandon sweet Dede in favor of a "true" conservative, Doug Hoffman. Never mind that he didn't actually live in the district or understand what issues mattered to the locals, he had his social ducks in order. Apparently Alaska's own Sarah Palin assumed that anyone with frost in their ears was her kind of people. After all, the populations are almost identical: 600,000 or so people trying to keep warm. Sarah lent her 1,000 watt smile and her lower wattage brain to the contest. This sort of carpetbagging went over like a Jello snow shovel. The Republicans were able to turn a sure victory into another Congressional vote for the Blue team. These guys couldn't get a Muslim elected in Iran.
So, what have we learned from "America goes to the Polls, 2009"? From Jon Corzine we learned that incumbency is it's own punishment. From Creigh Deeds we discovered that campaigning isn't really underrated. From Mike Bloomberg we find out that the third time isn't always the charm or three strikes and you're out. And from the "defeat from the jaws of victory" crowd in New York's 23rd district we learned that up state New Yorkers can smell manure even under all that Alaska snow.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
...or would lipstick not be enough to beautify this pig of a press conference?
Before the good people of Alaska got to decide if they had had enough of Sarah Palin, the Governor has announced that she has had enough of Alaska. It's too cold, it's too snowy and most important, it's too far from all those ass-kissing Conservatives that form the Republican base. It's also too far from the HQ of CBS, ABC, NBC, CNN, Fox News, and The New York Times. Sarah may profess to hate them but how can you rail at the coverage you get in the media if you aren't being covered? Of course if you want coverage, it helps if you tell someone in the press about your press conference.
Not content to announce that she will not seek a second term as Alaska's Governor, Sweet Sarah has abdicated her ice throne as of July 26 this year. Conjecture as to the reason for this strangely timed escape is just that; conjecture. The Governor gave no reason for her hasty retreat. She babbled on for ten or fifteen minutes during a news conference that was planned with a little less thought than a Tupperware party. She spoke about Kosovo, brave soldiers, point guards, Gen. MacArthur, and politics as blood sport. What? No mention of Michael Jackson? As with most of Governor Palin's public pronouncements, this speech rambled like an Alaska road. It just goes for a while with no discernible destination, then stops.
Amidst all the dreck about how much she's accomplished (in half a term) and how noble she is by quitting the easiest government gig on the planet (after Joe Biden's), she had the colossal gall to suggest that she was disgusted by the media's treatment of her family. This is the same women who carted her household all over America as though they were the road show of the Grapes of Wrath. Baby Trig has more frequent flyer miles than Sully Sullenberger.
True to her proclivity for making stuff up (I rejected the Road to Nowhere, etc) she feigned distaste at the mean things that have been said about her Downs Syndrome baby. For the record, no one has said anything about her youngest child. No one. The reason that the rest of her brood became punchlines for the late nite TV guys is that she put them out there like contestants on Big Brother. Conversly, the reason Chelsea Clinton and the Bush twins were left alone was because their parents kept them out of the public eye. Palin treated her family like props in a minstrel show.
Because speculation is rampant regarding the plans of the soon-to-be-ex-Governor, allow me to suggest a few possibilities:
1) Prior to a run for the Republican nomination for President in 2012, Ms. Palin plans to obtain an on-line degree in Geography. Particular attention will be paid to the distance between By-God, Alaska and By-Godski, Russia.
2) Ms. Palin needs a full three years to accumulate a wardrobe that's suitable for visiting all fifty states...without help from the RNC.
3) More time will be needed to write a few new jokes...hopefully some that don't involve lipstick, hockey moms or Bill Ayers.
4) She is planning a trip to the Mayo clinic to have "Golly" and "You Betcha" surgically removed from her vocabulary.
Sarah feels it will take all of her time to convince Republicans and the electorate at large that she isn't really the airheaded, all hat-no cattle, ill-informed, poorly spoken, overly folksy, minor league, impossibly unqualified light weight that we have all come to know and discount.
Anyway, congratulations to the people of Alaska. You were able to shed this embarrassing, do-nothing executive without the help of a sex scandal. Remember, Republicans don't quit because they cheat. They only quit when their constituents can't be trusted to feed their out-of-control egos. There is every reason to believe that, if she isn't impeached, Governor Palin would be soundly thrashed in 2010.
Face it Alaska, you're not cool enough for Sarah Palin. I'll bet that's the first time you ever heard that.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
...or is infidelity the only thing everyone in Washington can agree on?
Thank you Jesus for sending us the law firm of Sanford, Vetter, Spitzer, Edwards, Clinton, Ensign and Craig. Among these mid-life, middle-aged horn toads there has been more nookie than at a Marilyn Chambers film festival. These guys have done more for the motel industry that the entire federal highway system. Makes you wish you had the cialis concession at the Republican National Convention. To be fair, government sleaze has been delightfully distributed across party lines. Clearly, both Republicans and Democrats take their pants off one leg at a time. Apparently the ability to think with body parts other than your brain is not limited to either the blue or the red. It is, however, more fun to lampoon the Republicans because they are so damn sanctimonious and close to God.
As everyone knows by now, the latest inductee into the Hall of the Shameless is South Carolina's Republican Governor Mark Sanford. Sanford's case reads like the OJ chase without the Bronco. Having disappeared for four days (sort of a junket for his junk) the Governor emerged yesterday at a press conference clearly staged by Danielle Steele. Spilling enough tears to short-circuit the microphones, Sanford rambled and sobbed for forty minutes about everything from his high school excursions to the Appalachian Trail to the "sparking" of his South American paramour. The Andy Hardy language about "sparking" and "God's law" was more reminiscent of young love in a Chevy convertible than an international boinking with an Argentine firecracker. Sanford apologized so often and to so many people, he almost didn't get around to what he had done.
In a move unusual for these sincerity-fests, Governor Sanford actually took questions. In a move not so unusual, he didn't actually answer any of them.
Example: Question "Governor, are you separated from your wife?"
Answer "I--I don't know how you want to define that. I mean, I'm here. She's there."
Makes you think of Bill Clinton's famous attempt to parse the definition of "is". Happily, it looked as though Mark Sanford put as much thought into this press conference as he did into the consequences of shtupping the girl from Ipanema. The performance was so pathetic that the people standing around and behind him were laughing. It appeared that he just walked into the State House, set up a podium and began speaking. The tour groups found him way more interesting than the statuary.
As of today Sanford in still the governor but, as allegations regarding who paid for the plane rides to paradise emerge, expect to see "Press Conference II, The 'I Quit' Moment". Hopefully, he will spare us the "I'm leaving to spend more time with my family" refrain.
Meanwhile, the ranks of Presidential hopefuls on the Republican side is thinning faster than Oprah at the farmer's market. It's probably redundant to suggest that contenders are dropping like flies in that dropping flies appear to be the problem. At this rate, only someone as old as Grandpa McCain will be above suspicion. Among those whose shoes have thus far not been found under the wrong Beautyrest are:
Newt Gingrich. Although caught cheating on his wife and attempting to serve her divorce papers while she was recovering from cancer treatments, he hasn't been disgraced recently.
As everyone knows by now, the latest inductee into the Hall of the Shameless is South Carolina's Republican Governor Mark Sanford. Sanford's case reads like the OJ chase without the Bronco. Having disappeared for four days (sort of a junket for his junk) the Governor emerged yesterday at a press conference clearly staged by Danielle Steele. Spilling enough tears to short-circuit the microphones, Sanford rambled and sobbed for forty minutes about everything from his high school excursions to the Appalachian Trail to the "sparking" of his South American paramour. The Andy Hardy language about "sparking" and "God's law" was more reminiscent of young love in a Chevy convertible than an international boinking with an Argentine firecracker. Sanford apologized so often and to so many people, he almost didn't get around to what he had done.
In a move unusual for these sincerity-fests, Governor Sanford actually took questions. In a move not so unusual, he didn't actually answer any of them.
Example: Question "Governor, are you separated from your wife?"
Answer "I--I don't know how you want to define that. I mean, I'm here. She's there."
Makes you think of Bill Clinton's famous attempt to parse the definition of "is". Happily, it looked as though Mark Sanford put as much thought into this press conference as he did into the consequences of shtupping the girl from Ipanema. The performance was so pathetic that the people standing around and behind him were laughing. It appeared that he just walked into the State House, set up a podium and began speaking. The tour groups found him way more interesting than the statuary.
As of today Sanford in still the governor but, as allegations regarding who paid for the plane rides to paradise emerge, expect to see "Press Conference II, The 'I Quit' Moment". Hopefully, he will spare us the "I'm leaving to spend more time with my family" refrain.
Meanwhile, the ranks of Presidential hopefuls on the Republican side is thinning faster than Oprah at the farmer's market. It's probably redundant to suggest that contenders are dropping like flies in that dropping flies appear to be the problem. At this rate, only someone as old as Grandpa McCain will be above suspicion. Among those whose shoes have thus far not been found under the wrong Beautyrest are:
Newt Gingrich. Although caught cheating on his wife and attempting to serve her divorce papers while she was recovering from cancer treatments, he hasn't been disgraced recently.
Tom Pawlenty. Pawlenty is the current governor of Minnesota and, so far as we know, isn't currently doing the horizontal merengue with Carman Maranda. Were I head of the GNC, I would have Pawlenty neutered immediately.
Charlie Crist. Charlie is currently campaigning for the Senate from Florida but rumors abound that Crist hits for the other team and we don't mean the Democrats. Any thought that the Republicans could nominate a homosexual for President is enough to make the statue of Ronald Reagan in the Capitol leap directly into the Potomac.
2012 is still a long way off and a weasel like Eric Cantor might yet emerge. And don't forget the Disaster from Alaska. Sarah may be a buffoon but who knows? Perhaps if someone advises her to actually read the speeches she gives or, act as if her audience had finished the fourth grade, better times await. Unfortunately, with Governor Palin's knowledge of geography, she might actually believe that the Appalachian Trail cuts through Buenos Aires.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
...or can you be a woman President and still have inaugural balls?
Things to contemplate during the commercials of Tuesday's coronation...
Item
George W. Bush acknowledged "some mistakes" during his eight year catastrophe tour as President. Well, if you count the fact that he didn't screw up the oath of office, that would make the second thing he got right. Mistakes? When a baseball manager leaves a pitcher in for one-too-many batters, that's a mistake. When you leave the keys in your car and someone steals it, that's a mistake. However, when you ignore the suffering of thousands of Americans in New Orleans after a hurricane, when you lie America into a war that kills thousands and displaces tens of thousands, when you allow a cabal of mean-spirited, neo-con bureaucrats to mismanage every department of government from Interior to Justice, these are not mistakes; that's reckless incompetence.
Bush 43 was over his head the day he took office. After 9/11 he abdicated his responsibility to a gang of sour, vengeful cronies of his father's who never much cared for the Constitution and saw the attack on New York as their opportunity to run it through a shredder.
Thanks God this national nightmare is over. George...go...and take that sulphur smell with you.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
On to the Senate. Yes, Harry Reid looks like a dumb-ass for pontificating about who will be allowed to sit in his chamber. He was out-maneuvered by a Governor who is too stupid not to know when he's being recorded. Harry didn't count on the introduction of a sympathetic, 71 year old black man who would have taken this job if it had been offered by Bernie Madoff. Race was never a factor in anyone's actions, but the sight of 99 white guys (actually 16 are women) slamming the door on one black man...in the rain, no less, made the Senate and Harry Reid look like the membership committee at Augusta National.
One can only speculate as to what Gov. Blago hoped to gain by choosing Roland Burris but maybe he was hoping for some really good Nats tickets.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Among the names you pray-to-God never to hear again, are Sarah Palin and Joe "the Plumber" Wurzelbacher. Sadly, both of these cancers are still making the papers. Governor Snowshoes is now granting all the interviews she dodged during the campaign. Sarah is currently conducting the "Katie Curic Ate My Baby" tour with nothing good to say about the media. Apparently, it was that gaggle of liberal intellectuals at ABC, NBC, CBS, et al, that was solely responsible for making the Governor appear clueless, ill-informed, woefully under-qualified and a bad mother. Most Americans think that Sarah was giving that impression without much help.
Nevertheless, we must be charitable. After all, it's January, it's cold in Alaska. Most of Sarah's constituents are curled up with the livestock. If she doesn't talk to Sean Hannity or create some buzz on YouTube she might be forced to run the state that elected her. Boring!
Joe the Plumber, on the other hand, is squeezing every ounce of celebrity possible from his fifteen minutes. He was recently dispatched to Israel by the right-wing blog Pajamamedia that has some sort of broadcast arm called PajamaTV. What anyone in the news biz at any level thinks this bag-of-hammers could add to our knowledge of the Gaza War is anyone's guess. His novel take on the complex events in Gaza included a condemnation of all news coverage of wars. "I don't think journalists should be anywhere around war." He, not being a journalist by any definition, was apparently exempt.
Please, America, whatever God you pray to, pray that PajamaTV only gave this hamburger a one-way ticket.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Although this blog has never pretended to be fair and balanced, (You want fair, watch Canadian TV) there has been recent criticism that isitjustme has ignored certain issues that, had they involved conservatives or Bushies, would have drawn more attention. Answering that criticism, we submit the following:
Treasury Secretary-designate Timothy Geithner is getting some flak for non-payment of federal taxes. The details of this are murky but they have to do with self-employment taxes and Social Security withholdings. While there is delightful irony in the fact that Geithner will, if confirmed, control the IRS, there isn't much scandal here. Embarrassing, yes. Damaging, no. Even the Republicans aren't making much of this. As to his housekeeper and her immigration status; please!
Eric Holder Jr., Obama's choice to run the Justice Department, has also drawn some criticism. In his case the issue is his role, or lack of a role, in some of Bill Clinton's dubious pardons as he left office in 2000. Holder was, at that time, deputy Attorney General and decided not to oppose Clinton's pardon of Marc Rich, a fugitive financier. This may have been a bad choice but, it hardly rises to the level of criminal conduct. Besides, Obama could appoint Bernie Madoff and still not approximate the stench created by such legal brite-lights as John "cover up those tits" Ashcroft or Alberto "attach electrodes to their nuts and call it macaroni" Gonzales. Anyone crazy enough to attempt to clean up the Justice Dept. should be granted a free hand and as much industrial-strength Mr. Clean as the job requires.
As for Governor Richardson of New Mexico, this is a tough one. He must have known that he was under investigation (paging Gov. Blagojevich) and so must the Obama transition people. Why the incoming President, especially this incoming President, would appoint a tainted politician to his cabinet, I cannot say. Chalk it up to bad Karma.
Hopefully these comments will put to rest any further whining that isitjustme isn't eager to tackle the tough issues, regardless of which party is involved. As long as we can circle back to some good old-fashioned Bush/conservative bashing, no topic is off limits. Fear not soon-to-be-former President Bush. Your legacy is safe with me.
Item
George W. Bush acknowledged "some mistakes" during his eight year catastrophe tour as President. Well, if you count the fact that he didn't screw up the oath of office, that would make the second thing he got right. Mistakes? When a baseball manager leaves a pitcher in for one-too-many batters, that's a mistake. When you leave the keys in your car and someone steals it, that's a mistake. However, when you ignore the suffering of thousands of Americans in New Orleans after a hurricane, when you lie America into a war that kills thousands and displaces tens of thousands, when you allow a cabal of mean-spirited, neo-con bureaucrats to mismanage every department of government from Interior to Justice, these are not mistakes; that's reckless incompetence.
Bush 43 was over his head the day he took office. After 9/11 he abdicated his responsibility to a gang of sour, vengeful cronies of his father's who never much cared for the Constitution and saw the attack on New York as their opportunity to run it through a shredder.
Thanks God this national nightmare is over. George...go...and take that sulphur smell with you.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
On to the Senate. Yes, Harry Reid looks like a dumb-ass for pontificating about who will be allowed to sit in his chamber. He was out-maneuvered by a Governor who is too stupid not to know when he's being recorded. Harry didn't count on the introduction of a sympathetic, 71 year old black man who would have taken this job if it had been offered by Bernie Madoff. Race was never a factor in anyone's actions, but the sight of 99 white guys (actually 16 are women) slamming the door on one black man...in the rain, no less, made the Senate and Harry Reid look like the membership committee at Augusta National.
One can only speculate as to what Gov. Blago hoped to gain by choosing Roland Burris but maybe he was hoping for some really good Nats tickets.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Among the names you pray-to-God never to hear again, are Sarah Palin and Joe "the Plumber" Wurzelbacher. Sadly, both of these cancers are still making the papers. Governor Snowshoes is now granting all the interviews she dodged during the campaign. Sarah is currently conducting the "Katie Curic Ate My Baby" tour with nothing good to say about the media. Apparently, it was that gaggle of liberal intellectuals at ABC, NBC, CBS, et al, that was solely responsible for making the Governor appear clueless, ill-informed, woefully under-qualified and a bad mother. Most Americans think that Sarah was giving that impression without much help.
Nevertheless, we must be charitable. After all, it's January, it's cold in Alaska. Most of Sarah's constituents are curled up with the livestock. If she doesn't talk to Sean Hannity or create some buzz on YouTube she might be forced to run the state that elected her. Boring!
Joe the Plumber, on the other hand, is squeezing every ounce of celebrity possible from his fifteen minutes. He was recently dispatched to Israel by the right-wing blog Pajamamedia that has some sort of broadcast arm called PajamaTV. What anyone in the news biz at any level thinks this bag-of-hammers could add to our knowledge of the Gaza War is anyone's guess. His novel take on the complex events in Gaza included a condemnation of all news coverage of wars. "I don't think journalists should be anywhere around war." He, not being a journalist by any definition, was apparently exempt.
Please, America, whatever God you pray to, pray that PajamaTV only gave this hamburger a one-way ticket.
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Although this blog has never pretended to be fair and balanced, (You want fair, watch Canadian TV) there has been recent criticism that isitjustme has ignored certain issues that, had they involved conservatives or Bushies, would have drawn more attention. Answering that criticism, we submit the following:
Treasury Secretary-designate Timothy Geithner is getting some flak for non-payment of federal taxes. The details of this are murky but they have to do with self-employment taxes and Social Security withholdings. While there is delightful irony in the fact that Geithner will, if confirmed, control the IRS, there isn't much scandal here. Embarrassing, yes. Damaging, no. Even the Republicans aren't making much of this. As to his housekeeper and her immigration status; please!
Eric Holder Jr., Obama's choice to run the Justice Department, has also drawn some criticism. In his case the issue is his role, or lack of a role, in some of Bill Clinton's dubious pardons as he left office in 2000. Holder was, at that time, deputy Attorney General and decided not to oppose Clinton's pardon of Marc Rich, a fugitive financier. This may have been a bad choice but, it hardly rises to the level of criminal conduct. Besides, Obama could appoint Bernie Madoff and still not approximate the stench created by such legal brite-lights as John "cover up those tits" Ashcroft or Alberto "attach electrodes to their nuts and call it macaroni" Gonzales. Anyone crazy enough to attempt to clean up the Justice Dept. should be granted a free hand and as much industrial-strength Mr. Clean as the job requires.
As for Governor Richardson of New Mexico, this is a tough one. He must have known that he was under investigation (paging Gov. Blagojevich) and so must the Obama transition people. Why the incoming President, especially this incoming President, would appoint a tainted politician to his cabinet, I cannot say. Chalk it up to bad Karma.
Hopefully these comments will put to rest any further whining that isitjustme isn't eager to tackle the tough issues, regardless of which party is involved. As long as we can circle back to some good old-fashioned Bush/conservative bashing, no topic is off limits. Fear not soon-to-be-former President Bush. Your legacy is safe with me.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
...or will everyone watch tonight's VP debate with their fingers in their ears?
Tonight's debate between Sarah Palin and Joe Biden could be the most cringe -producing 90 minutes since Reservoir Dogs. We are about to be treated to a grudge match between Mr. T and Talia Shire. To quote Martin Scorsese, "Where's the antagonist? Where's the drama?"
Regardless of your political flavor preference, there are several facts that are not in dispute:
- Joe Biden has accumulated more foreign policy experience riding the Amtrak Acela than Sarah Palin has managed in ten years as a bureaucrat in Alaska.
-Having managed to look insipid and clueless in her few meager interviews thus far, we will all be amazed if Sarah successfully completes a recitation of the alphabet. There will be bonus points if she can recite the names and ages of her children.
It is impossible to write about Sarah Palin's abysmal knowledge of the world without sliding into a series of snide, sarcastic remarks. Unfortunately, my problem will also be Joe Biden's problem. Being a heavy favorite in any contest carries several disadvantages. He must be gracious at all times. He cannot laugh or snicker at her responses. Running up the score is verboten. He must be deferential without appearing patronizing. Considering Biden's reputation as a bit ham-handed, this will be a chore. Sarah Palin is likable. Attacking her will be tricky. Think panda. If you are in a fight with one, you'd better have a gun but, do you really want to be seen on national television shooting a cuddly panda?
Senator Biden's objective will be to attack the stated policies of John McCain. It's more comfortable to watch the decimation of an old man in absentia than the young woman at the podium. If Biden can establish early on that McCain's direction is wrong then he can be forgiven for shooting the messenger. Biden should answer the questions as asked and stand back. If recent history is any indicator, Governor Palin will launch into the talking point, non sequiturs that have provided Tina Fey with her barely edited SNL material. Biden should appear engaged, attentive, and deferential. All hysterical laughing should be delayed until after the mikes are turned off and the cameras go dark.
By the way, how would you like to be John McCain at 9:00 PM tonight? How's that unorthodox, maverick, outside-the-box management style working out for you? If he thought six years in the Hanoi Hilton was tough on the nerves, just wait until Gwen Ifill asks Governor Palin to explain how she thinks the financial rescue plan will help loosen the credit markets. If his heart survives this debate, I'll consider voting for him myself. It will be like watching your ten year old daughter dance Swan Lake at Lincoln Center with the NY City Ballet. You'd be delirious if she just manages to remain upright.
So everyone will watch tonight's carnage with one finger on the mute button. After all, everybody loved the "...you're no Jack Kennedy" zinger that Lloyd Bentsen hurled at Dan Quayle but if you saw it live it produced a world class wince. No one wants to watch a cow become a steak.
Regardless of your political flavor preference, there are several facts that are not in dispute:
- Joe Biden has accumulated more foreign policy experience riding the Amtrak Acela than Sarah Palin has managed in ten years as a bureaucrat in Alaska.
-Having managed to look insipid and clueless in her few meager interviews thus far, we will all be amazed if Sarah successfully completes a recitation of the alphabet. There will be bonus points if she can recite the names and ages of her children.
It is impossible to write about Sarah Palin's abysmal knowledge of the world without sliding into a series of snide, sarcastic remarks. Unfortunately, my problem will also be Joe Biden's problem. Being a heavy favorite in any contest carries several disadvantages. He must be gracious at all times. He cannot laugh or snicker at her responses. Running up the score is verboten. He must be deferential without appearing patronizing. Considering Biden's reputation as a bit ham-handed, this will be a chore. Sarah Palin is likable. Attacking her will be tricky. Think panda. If you are in a fight with one, you'd better have a gun but, do you really want to be seen on national television shooting a cuddly panda?
Senator Biden's objective will be to attack the stated policies of John McCain. It's more comfortable to watch the decimation of an old man in absentia than the young woman at the podium. If Biden can establish early on that McCain's direction is wrong then he can be forgiven for shooting the messenger. Biden should answer the questions as asked and stand back. If recent history is any indicator, Governor Palin will launch into the talking point, non sequiturs that have provided Tina Fey with her barely edited SNL material. Biden should appear engaged, attentive, and deferential. All hysterical laughing should be delayed until after the mikes are turned off and the cameras go dark.
By the way, how would you like to be John McCain at 9:00 PM tonight? How's that unorthodox, maverick, outside-the-box management style working out for you? If he thought six years in the Hanoi Hilton was tough on the nerves, just wait until Gwen Ifill asks Governor Palin to explain how she thinks the financial rescue plan will help loosen the credit markets. If his heart survives this debate, I'll consider voting for him myself. It will be like watching your ten year old daughter dance Swan Lake at Lincoln Center with the NY City Ballet. You'd be delirious if she just manages to remain upright.
So everyone will watch tonight's carnage with one finger on the mute button. After all, everybody loved the "...you're no Jack Kennedy" zinger that Lloyd Bentsen hurled at Dan Quayle but if you saw it live it produced a world class wince. No one wants to watch a cow become a steak.
Monday, September 15, 2008
...or has the American political process been perverted by American Idol?
If you're expecting to see the Vice Presidential debate moderated by Simon Cowell, you're not alone. While no one was looking, our system of choosing a President has morphed into a perversion of reality television.
The irony here is palatable. Millions more citizens voted for Clay Aiken and Reuben Stoddard then voted for Bush/Cheney so it's clear that selecting a pretty face is more interesting to Mr. & Mrs. Nebraska than choosing the leader of the free world. (Sadly, Misters Aiken and Stoddard have displayed more talent than Bush/Cheney ever have.) We have gone from electing the guy you want to have a beer with to mooning over Miss Congeniality. Considering that Middle America has responded to sizzle over steak, form over substance and flash over facts, we should hardly be surprised. The nomination of Sarah Palin is the quintessential case of misdirection. We are through the looking glass. Knowledge clearly doesn't matter. How straight your teeth are is clearly of more consequence than if you've ever read a paper or watched a news program. Charlie Gibson may as well have asked Ms. Palin to comment on whether Jennifer Aniston will ever find true love.
I really don't get it. We are prepared to allow a dim bulb like Sarah Palin say absolutely anything for no other reason than her proclivity for breeding. After six years and six months of needless war, how does any politician have the gall to trot out the tired and discredited lie that we are "fighting the people that attacked us"? Even the lame-brain in the White House (124 days and counting) has stopped trying to sell that bit of tripe to the American people. Is it possible that we let Sarah Palin get away with spouting ancient untruths simple because she doesn't know any better? The country likes her and is empathetic because most of them are as clueless as she is. You wonder if perhaps much of the America believes that Saddam Hussein really did engineer 9/11 and the New York Times is just inventing contrary stories to discredit George Bush. Sarah knows the truth. After all, she can see Russia from her bedroom window.
The impression you get is that, because Barak Obama is short on executive experience, it became OK to nominate someone that is all ideology and no smarts. It is difficult to believe that John McCain would be so reckless as to risk the country he professes to love by entrusting it to a person that suggested attacking Russia as a foreign policy option. Even Ronald Reagan knew better than that. A Presidency of McCain-Palin may actually cause the world's leaders to look back longingly to the tranquil days of Bush-Cheney.
McCain doesn't get a pass for this. This isn't just politics as usual. It stands as the most startling example of what this old fogey is prepared to do to get elected. Someone needs to ask Grandpa McCain if he wants to live in a country run by Sarah Palin. He could always ask the Vietnamese if his old accommodations at the HH are still available.
Anyway, the next time we see Sarah it will be in an interview conducted by Sean Hannity. Perfect! Why not just let Karl Rove conduct it? True, Obama was on with Keith Olberman but he also appeared with Bill O'Reilly.
Let's see what sort of tough questions the folks at Fox News have written. "Governor Palin. With all the laundry you do with five kids and a working husband, which detergent works best?" "What brand of ammunition is best for dropping a moose?" How about, "Governor, it's reported that there are more crystal meth labs in Wasilla than televisions. Care to comment?" "Well, Sean, when I became mayor of Wasilla the science department in the local high school was just dreadful. Under my direction, each student now has a thorough grounding in chemistry. Those labs are just an unfortunate byproduct. I should point out that those little lab rats handle the chemicals with extreme care. We teach safety first".
This interview has the potential to be among the most bias, pandering, ass-kissing bits of journalism ever witnessed. Fox makes not the slightest pretext of being impartial. They will give Sarah every opportunity to recant, undo and explain all the gaffs from the Charlie Gibson mess of last week. Not for anything but, if you're not qualified to sit through an interview by a reasonably affable newsman, how are you qualified to be Vice President of the VFW let alone the Vice President of the United States? Even the contestants on American Idol have some talent...and they don't get a free pass from Simon either.
The irony here is palatable. Millions more citizens voted for Clay Aiken and Reuben Stoddard then voted for Bush/Cheney so it's clear that selecting a pretty face is more interesting to Mr. & Mrs. Nebraska than choosing the leader of the free world. (Sadly, Misters Aiken and Stoddard have displayed more talent than Bush/Cheney ever have.) We have gone from electing the guy you want to have a beer with to mooning over Miss Congeniality. Considering that Middle America has responded to sizzle over steak, form over substance and flash over facts, we should hardly be surprised. The nomination of Sarah Palin is the quintessential case of misdirection. We are through the looking glass. Knowledge clearly doesn't matter. How straight your teeth are is clearly of more consequence than if you've ever read a paper or watched a news program. Charlie Gibson may as well have asked Ms. Palin to comment on whether Jennifer Aniston will ever find true love.
I really don't get it. We are prepared to allow a dim bulb like Sarah Palin say absolutely anything for no other reason than her proclivity for breeding. After six years and six months of needless war, how does any politician have the gall to trot out the tired and discredited lie that we are "fighting the people that attacked us"? Even the lame-brain in the White House (124 days and counting) has stopped trying to sell that bit of tripe to the American people. Is it possible that we let Sarah Palin get away with spouting ancient untruths simple because she doesn't know any better? The country likes her and is empathetic because most of them are as clueless as she is. You wonder if perhaps much of the America believes that Saddam Hussein really did engineer 9/11 and the New York Times is just inventing contrary stories to discredit George Bush. Sarah knows the truth. After all, she can see Russia from her bedroom window.
The impression you get is that, because Barak Obama is short on executive experience, it became OK to nominate someone that is all ideology and no smarts. It is difficult to believe that John McCain would be so reckless as to risk the country he professes to love by entrusting it to a person that suggested attacking Russia as a foreign policy option. Even Ronald Reagan knew better than that. A Presidency of McCain-Palin may actually cause the world's leaders to look back longingly to the tranquil days of Bush-Cheney.
McCain doesn't get a pass for this. This isn't just politics as usual. It stands as the most startling example of what this old fogey is prepared to do to get elected. Someone needs to ask Grandpa McCain if he wants to live in a country run by Sarah Palin. He could always ask the Vietnamese if his old accommodations at the HH are still available.
Anyway, the next time we see Sarah it will be in an interview conducted by Sean Hannity. Perfect! Why not just let Karl Rove conduct it? True, Obama was on with Keith Olberman but he also appeared with Bill O'Reilly.
Let's see what sort of tough questions the folks at Fox News have written. "Governor Palin. With all the laundry you do with five kids and a working husband, which detergent works best?" "What brand of ammunition is best for dropping a moose?" How about, "Governor, it's reported that there are more crystal meth labs in Wasilla than televisions. Care to comment?" "Well, Sean, when I became mayor of Wasilla the science department in the local high school was just dreadful. Under my direction, each student now has a thorough grounding in chemistry. Those labs are just an unfortunate byproduct. I should point out that those little lab rats handle the chemicals with extreme care. We teach safety first".
This interview has the potential to be among the most bias, pandering, ass-kissing bits of journalism ever witnessed. Fox makes not the slightest pretext of being impartial. They will give Sarah every opportunity to recant, undo and explain all the gaffs from the Charlie Gibson mess of last week. Not for anything but, if you're not qualified to sit through an interview by a reasonably affable newsman, how are you qualified to be Vice President of the VFW let alone the Vice President of the United States? Even the contestants on American Idol have some talent...and they don't get a free pass from Simon either.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
..or is Joe Lieberman just another self-important putz?
Item
Really Joe!
You can call yourself an "independent" if it makes you feel better but at the end of the day you just like hearing the sound of your own voice. Even with an ego the size of yours, there are some things you don't do. You don't embarrass your party by shilling for the opposition. It's one thing to express support for some position or policy that is embraced by the other guy but that's a far cry from appearing at their convention. You look like some reformed drug addict who can't wait to testify that he "once was lost but now am found".
Everyone applauded your independent senatorial victory after the Democratic party in Connecticut found you chronically, insufficiently liberal. Hurt feelings is hardly an excuse for whoring yourself to the Republicans. Grow some class, Joe. The people of Connecticut (remember them?) didn't vote for some born-again conservative. They liked your style and they apparently have a longer memory than you have. They remember the Joe Lieberman who stood with Al Gore. Think you could get elected in Connecticut today?
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Amid the screaming and shouting about Sarah Palin and her soap opera family, has anyone considered the feelings of Bristol Palin's "fiancee"?. Poor Levi Johnston. As a former high school horndog, I can appreciate the boy's plight. One minute you're engaging in a little horizontal hip hop with the Governor's daughter; the next minute you're acting all serious at the Republican National Convention. Dude!!
Just wait until the press starts interviewing your buds. I'm sure that the bloggers will be sensitive. So, Bobby, did Levi tell all you guys that "abstinence only" was just a sort of guideline? Did he tell you where they did it?
It's unlikely that 60 Minutes will feel the need to pursue this story but The New York Post will feel no such restraint. (When Joe Lieberman learned that Bristol's guy was named Levi, he invited him over for a brisket.)
I can just see Karl Rove and Dick Cheney, shotgun at the ready, explaining to young Mr. Johnston what his marching orders will look like for the next few months. Levi probably wishes he had joined the National Guard with Bristol's brother. Then he could be making tracks with Track.
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So I hear that John McCain did some time in the Navy. Who knew?
Honest to God, if Fred "slow talking" Thompson spoke for five more minutes about John McCain's victories at sea, I was going to need a Dramamine. I thought we were trying to elect a President not the captain of the Minnow.
Question: How do you make a three day convention seem like four days?
Answer: Ask Fred Thompson and Norm Collman to speak.
The convention so far has more closely resembled a remake of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. McCain is a war hero. We get it. He got shot down and spent several unpleasant years as the guest of North Vietnam. OK. Did anyone mention that he graduated from Annapolis ranked 894 in a class of 899?. Didn't you think that flight school was only for the best and the brightest? Wow! Good thing dad's an admiral.
Anyway, now that we are presumably finished listening to how McCain charged up San Juan Hill and stormed the beaches at Normandy, we will get an earful of how Sarah Palin wrapped bandages at Gettysburg and, with one wave of her sword, drove the abortionists from Alaska. Even Keith Olberman can't save this show.
Really Joe!
You can call yourself an "independent" if it makes you feel better but at the end of the day you just like hearing the sound of your own voice. Even with an ego the size of yours, there are some things you don't do. You don't embarrass your party by shilling for the opposition. It's one thing to express support for some position or policy that is embraced by the other guy but that's a far cry from appearing at their convention. You look like some reformed drug addict who can't wait to testify that he "once was lost but now am found".
Everyone applauded your independent senatorial victory after the Democratic party in Connecticut found you chronically, insufficiently liberal. Hurt feelings is hardly an excuse for whoring yourself to the Republicans. Grow some class, Joe. The people of Connecticut (remember them?) didn't vote for some born-again conservative. They liked your style and they apparently have a longer memory than you have. They remember the Joe Lieberman who stood with Al Gore. Think you could get elected in Connecticut today?
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Item
Amid the screaming and shouting about Sarah Palin and her soap opera family, has anyone considered the feelings of Bristol Palin's "fiancee"?. Poor Levi Johnston. As a former high school horndog, I can appreciate the boy's plight. One minute you're engaging in a little horizontal hip hop with the Governor's daughter; the next minute you're acting all serious at the Republican National Convention. Dude!!
Just wait until the press starts interviewing your buds. I'm sure that the bloggers will be sensitive. So, Bobby, did Levi tell all you guys that "abstinence only" was just a sort of guideline? Did he tell you where they did it?
It's unlikely that 60 Minutes will feel the need to pursue this story but The New York Post will feel no such restraint. (When Joe Lieberman learned that Bristol's guy was named Levi, he invited him over for a brisket.)
I can just see Karl Rove and Dick Cheney, shotgun at the ready, explaining to young Mr. Johnston what his marching orders will look like for the next few months. Levi probably wishes he had joined the National Guard with Bristol's brother. Then he could be making tracks with Track.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
So I hear that John McCain did some time in the Navy. Who knew?
Honest to God, if Fred "slow talking" Thompson spoke for five more minutes about John McCain's victories at sea, I was going to need a Dramamine. I thought we were trying to elect a President not the captain of the Minnow.
Question: How do you make a three day convention seem like four days?
Answer: Ask Fred Thompson and Norm Collman to speak.
The convention so far has more closely resembled a remake of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. McCain is a war hero. We get it. He got shot down and spent several unpleasant years as the guest of North Vietnam. OK. Did anyone mention that he graduated from Annapolis ranked 894 in a class of 899?. Didn't you think that flight school was only for the best and the brightest? Wow! Good thing dad's an admiral.
Anyway, now that we are presumably finished listening to how McCain charged up San Juan Hill and stormed the beaches at Normandy, we will get an earful of how Sarah Palin wrapped bandages at Gettysburg and, with one wave of her sword, drove the abortionists from Alaska. Even Keith Olberman can't save this show.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
...or is John McCain cagier than we think?
Ooops!
Someone's got a Republican in the oven. If you want to know what people in Alaska do on those long, cold winter nights (if you don't play hockey) just ask Bristol Palin. Of all the lessons learned at the Palin home over the last 17 years, the one that stuck appears to involve: 1) women, 2) procreation. Grandma-to-be Sarah Palin assures us that her daughter and the baby's father intend to get married. Well, I'm relieved.
Seriously, thousands of young girls get pregnant without benefit of husbands every year and things work out just fine. One of my more cynical friends suggested that if McCain could secure the pregnant bride vote, he'd be a lock. The issue here isn't young Bristol and her baby. It's the self righteous, preachy, God is a Republican, Democrats are hedonists attitude of the GOP that causes a slight smirk when one of them trips over their hair shirt. Considering that Governor Palin is a supporter of "abstinence only" education in schools, one is tempted to ask, "How's that working out for you?"
Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian with a child, yet he welcomes support from demigods like James Dobson of Focus on the Family. If Ms. Palin's son Track (who the hell calls a kid "Track") turns up in a gay bar some night, will she be as understanding (read: hypocritical) as Vice President Cheney? Life is messy. The President's brother urninates on an airport wall (Carter). The President's brother has a cocane issue (Clinton). The President had substance abuse issues (Bush 43). The President's wife killed a man in a car accident (Bush 43). When you describe yourself and your political party as morally superior you find yourself spending a lot of time dodging camera crews shouting embarrassing questions at your retreating back. The time to yell "no comment" is before the incident.
Governor Palin actually has bigger problems than a daughter with an anticipated Christmas delivery. According to the Washington Post, Palin employed a lobbying firm to secure almost $27 million in federal money for the booming metropolis of Wasilla, Alaska, pop. 6,700. The fact that she is the former mayor of Wasilla is, no doubt, an unfortunate coincidence. Washington has been wasting money in Alaska for years with the bridge to nowhere just the most celebrated. However, when you are the running-mate of Mr. "no more earmarks, reduce wasteful federal spending", your skirts should be a little cleaner. It won't take a swift boat campaign to make Gov. Palin look a wee bit disingenuous.
All of this nonsense explains why isitjustme supports Democrats. Democrats don't pretend to be perfect. They set the bar pretty low. Judge not, lest ye be judged. Or, don't be so quick to condemn gay men unless you're prepared to explain your toe-tapping in a Minneapolis men's room. Sadly, there are still plenty of rogues who don't make the grade. Those currently taking a time out for their indiscretions include Eliot Spitzer and John Edwards. In fairness, Spitzer never aspired to the role of paragon of moral turpitude (probably just as well). Edwards' fall from grace is considerably steeper, in that he presented himself as a "family values" kind of guy. He probably should have been a little clearer on what values and whose family.
As always, the big winners in this week's information derby will be Jay Leno, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson, et al. Nothing makes better fodder for jokes than politicians stepping in a pile of their own hypocrisy. However all is not lost for the GOP. With any luck, hurricane Hanna will wipe out the back half of their convention. We may then be spared the vision of Mumbles McCain trying to find those pesky teleprompters. Dag nab it!
Someone's got a Republican in the oven. If you want to know what people in Alaska do on those long, cold winter nights (if you don't play hockey) just ask Bristol Palin. Of all the lessons learned at the Palin home over the last 17 years, the one that stuck appears to involve: 1) women, 2) procreation. Grandma-to-be Sarah Palin assures us that her daughter and the baby's father intend to get married. Well, I'm relieved.
Seriously, thousands of young girls get pregnant without benefit of husbands every year and things work out just fine. One of my more cynical friends suggested that if McCain could secure the pregnant bride vote, he'd be a lock. The issue here isn't young Bristol and her baby. It's the self righteous, preachy, God is a Republican, Democrats are hedonists attitude of the GOP that causes a slight smirk when one of them trips over their hair shirt. Considering that Governor Palin is a supporter of "abstinence only" education in schools, one is tempted to ask, "How's that working out for you?"
Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian with a child, yet he welcomes support from demigods like James Dobson of Focus on the Family. If Ms. Palin's son Track (who the hell calls a kid "Track") turns up in a gay bar some night, will she be as understanding (read: hypocritical) as Vice President Cheney? Life is messy. The President's brother urninates on an airport wall (Carter). The President's brother has a cocane issue (Clinton). The President had substance abuse issues (Bush 43). The President's wife killed a man in a car accident (Bush 43). When you describe yourself and your political party as morally superior you find yourself spending a lot of time dodging camera crews shouting embarrassing questions at your retreating back. The time to yell "no comment" is before the incident.
Governor Palin actually has bigger problems than a daughter with an anticipated Christmas delivery. According to the Washington Post, Palin employed a lobbying firm to secure almost $27 million in federal money for the booming metropolis of Wasilla, Alaska, pop. 6,700. The fact that she is the former mayor of Wasilla is, no doubt, an unfortunate coincidence. Washington has been wasting money in Alaska for years with the bridge to nowhere just the most celebrated. However, when you are the running-mate of Mr. "no more earmarks, reduce wasteful federal spending", your skirts should be a little cleaner. It won't take a swift boat campaign to make Gov. Palin look a wee bit disingenuous.
All of this nonsense explains why isitjustme supports Democrats. Democrats don't pretend to be perfect. They set the bar pretty low. Judge not, lest ye be judged. Or, don't be so quick to condemn gay men unless you're prepared to explain your toe-tapping in a Minneapolis men's room. Sadly, there are still plenty of rogues who don't make the grade. Those currently taking a time out for their indiscretions include Eliot Spitzer and John Edwards. In fairness, Spitzer never aspired to the role of paragon of moral turpitude (probably just as well). Edwards' fall from grace is considerably steeper, in that he presented himself as a "family values" kind of guy. He probably should have been a little clearer on what values and whose family.
As always, the big winners in this week's information derby will be Jay Leno, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson, et al. Nothing makes better fodder for jokes than politicians stepping in a pile of their own hypocrisy. However all is not lost for the GOP. With any luck, hurricane Hanna will wipe out the back half of their convention. We may then be spared the vision of Mumbles McCain trying to find those pesky teleprompters. Dag nab it!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
...or did John McCain actually chose a beauty queen for VP?
Item
It suddenly hit me! While watching Sarah Palin accept the nod from John McCain to be his vice presidential running mate, I realized who she reminds me of. She's the women in those R- rated movies with her conservative clothes, pinned-up hair and glasses. The very image of wholesome Americana. Halfway through the movie someone gives her a couple of mai tais and it's girls gone wild time. She's hopping up on the coffee table unbuttoning her blouse. The fact that she has five children lends some credence to this analogy. Seriously, let's wish Barbie all the success in the world.
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Item
And let's also extend our congratulations to the Bush administration for attempting to do as much additional damage to the environment as possible. The White House has recently proposed allowing individual government agencies to assess how their programs would impact potential endangered species. In other words, the Department of Energy will decide, with no scientific oversight or review, the impact of its decisions on endangered species. Perfect! The very people who have shown themselves as the principal despoilers of the environment will get to decide the impact of their policies.
The Bush administration has cleverly used the clamor of the Democratic National Convention as cover for his final assault on the planet. You would think that this bum would make some attempt to improve his legacy, even if the policies were just window dressing. Guess not.
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Item
Is anyone else out there sick of listening to John McCain and the Bush White House hurl empty threats at the Russians over their invasion of Georgia? Vladimir Putin must be laughing in his vodka over the United States' saber rattling and name calling. Just yesterday Putin was quoted as saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but we have more soldiers and tanks than you." Face it. The U.S. is overextended, distracted, under-manned and most of all, unwilling to even contemplate a land conflict in western Asia.
As for the Russians, they are hardly likely to take moral instruction from an American government that invaded, without provocation, another sovereign nation and who, unapologetically, endorses torture. We had better hope that the Russians don't have their eye on Poland. America might muster a barrage of harsh language but that's about it.
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Whichever god is receiving the prayers of the RNC , cut me off a slice. Can you imagine the good fortune of the Republicans, who have just learned that the twin plagues of Dick Cheney and George Bush will not be attending the convention in Minneapolis this week? John McCain must be dancing all the way to Minnesota.
The last thing that the new ticket needed was the walking /talking reminder of the catastrophe that was Bush/Cheney 2000 and 2004. That's like bringing Steve Bartman to a rally for the Cubs in '08. Seriously, the GOP organizers would have given GWB the wrong address and the wrong dates if they thought he would actually read them. Laura would have figured it out. Cheney would just follow the smell of burning flesh. Now if they could just figure a way to keep Mitt Romney from attending.
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Seriously!
John Edwards' affair with film producer Rielle Hunter absolutely wins the gold medal in the Synchronized Stupidity competition. The gall/moron quotient needed to attempt a run for national office with an elephantine skeleton in your closet is mind numbing. At least when Rudy Giuliani ran, we already knew he was a cross-dresser. He just hoped we wouldn't mind. The National Enquirer had the Edwards' story last year, for God's sake. How did John think he was going to keep the main stream media at bay? Heaven forbid if he had been nominated for President. Even John McCain could have beaten him. Hadn't he ever heard of Gary Hart? or Eliot Spitzer? or Bill "bulge-in-his-pants" Clinton?
Forget about his wife dying of cancer and his speeches about God and family, this is about a politician so full of hubris and self deluded invincibility that he imagined he could finesse anything.
It suddenly hit me! While watching Sarah Palin accept the nod from John McCain to be his vice presidential running mate, I realized who she reminds me of. She's the women in those R- rated movies with her conservative clothes, pinned-up hair and glasses. The very image of wholesome Americana. Halfway through the movie someone gives her a couple of mai tais and it's girls gone wild time. She's hopping up on the coffee table unbuttoning her blouse. The fact that she has five children lends some credence to this analogy. Seriously, let's wish Barbie all the success in the world.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
And let's also extend our congratulations to the Bush administration for attempting to do as much additional damage to the environment as possible. The White House has recently proposed allowing individual government agencies to assess how their programs would impact potential endangered species. In other words, the Department of Energy will decide, with no scientific oversight or review, the impact of its decisions on endangered species. Perfect! The very people who have shown themselves as the principal despoilers of the environment will get to decide the impact of their policies.
The Bush administration has cleverly used the clamor of the Democratic National Convention as cover for his final assault on the planet. You would think that this bum would make some attempt to improve his legacy, even if the policies were just window dressing. Guess not.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
Is anyone else out there sick of listening to John McCain and the Bush White House hurl empty threats at the Russians over their invasion of Georgia? Vladimir Putin must be laughing in his vodka over the United States' saber rattling and name calling. Just yesterday Putin was quoted as saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but we have more soldiers and tanks than you." Face it. The U.S. is overextended, distracted, under-manned and most of all, unwilling to even contemplate a land conflict in western Asia.
As for the Russians, they are hardly likely to take moral instruction from an American government that invaded, without provocation, another sovereign nation and who, unapologetically, endorses torture. We had better hope that the Russians don't have their eye on Poland. America might muster a barrage of harsh language but that's about it.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
Whichever god is receiving the prayers of the RNC , cut me off a slice. Can you imagine the good fortune of the Republicans, who have just learned that the twin plagues of Dick Cheney and George Bush will not be attending the convention in Minneapolis this week? John McCain must be dancing all the way to Minnesota.
The last thing that the new ticket needed was the walking /talking reminder of the catastrophe that was Bush/Cheney 2000 and 2004. That's like bringing Steve Bartman to a rally for the Cubs in '08. Seriously, the GOP organizers would have given GWB the wrong address and the wrong dates if they thought he would actually read them. Laura would have figured it out. Cheney would just follow the smell of burning flesh. Now if they could just figure a way to keep Mitt Romney from attending.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
Seriously!
John Edwards' affair with film producer Rielle Hunter absolutely wins the gold medal in the Synchronized Stupidity competition. The gall/moron quotient needed to attempt a run for national office with an elephantine skeleton in your closet is mind numbing. At least when Rudy Giuliani ran, we already knew he was a cross-dresser. He just hoped we wouldn't mind. The National Enquirer had the Edwards' story last year, for God's sake. How did John think he was going to keep the main stream media at bay? Heaven forbid if he had been nominated for President. Even John McCain could have beaten him. Hadn't he ever heard of Gary Hart? or Eliot Spitzer? or Bill "bulge-in-his-pants" Clinton?
Forget about his wife dying of cancer and his speeches about God and family, this is about a politician so full of hubris and self deluded invincibility that he imagined he could finesse anything.
Friday, August 29, 2008
...or is Barak Obama the political answer to Frank Sinatra?
Item
Yeah, he's that good.
I admit it. I'd rather be dazzled than informed. I can get information from the NY Times or The Wall Street Journal. I want my President to excite the country; to get people on their feet and cheering their heads off. I want the crowd to act like they do at their college football homecoming game (minus the exposed beer bellies). The President of the United States should make the populace feel good about themselves. Barak Obama can do it all. (OK, so could Adolph Hitler but you get my point.)
I have an abiding faith that politicians, even corrupt ones, have the country's best interest at heart. Even George W. Bush, misguided mope that he is, doesn't wish the country harm. We all know that, regardless of who wins, America will survive. What's missing in the Republicans is a spark. Will you vote for John McCain because you want to or because you feel you have to? Watergate aside, Nixon might have been a better President than Kennedy but which one would you rather follow?
It doesn't take a genius to be President; Ronald Reagan proved that. What it does take is the ability to inspire. Reagan proved that also. In an age when media personae is so vital, a President has to look like he knows where he's going. After 9/11 Bush's ratings soared. Why? Because he gave a speech that made him look Presidential (Who knew?). It was only after stumbling through the last seven years, when his public appearances were more reminiscent of Alfred E. Newman than FDR, that his numbers tumbled. Talking tough is not leadership. Trying to frighten America into voting for you isn't inspiring. By the way, how terrified must we have been to give GWB a second term?
So how about it America? Let's vote for someone we can be proud of. Let's prove to the world that we are more than belligerent, gay-hating, gun-slingers. In Beijing, we showed that we don't have to be ugly Americans. How about we make that a trend?
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Item
In what can only be interpreted as a sign from God, the Republicans are considering delaying the start of their convention in Minneapolis due to the impending arrival of Hurricane Gustav on the Gulf Coast. It seems that the GOP would rather not kick off their big party when the top story on the web might very well be "New Orleans braces for Katrina Deux". Imagine that!
The Republicans are already stuck with Bush and Cheney as speakers. (Sort of like inviting your unpleasant ex-wife to your daughter's wedding. You may have to do it but you'd rather not.) They are concerned that a new hurricane in the Gulf will serve to remind voters about the Bush administration's nonexistent response to the last storm. Replayed film of the Superdome circa Aug, 2005 would do little to enhance the GOP's reputation as champions of the common man.
How come no one asked Harry Wittington to speak at the GOP convention? You remember Harry? He's the lawyer that Cheney shot in the face in Feb, 2006.
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Item
John McCain has just named Sarah Palin, current governor of Alaska, to be his running mate. Brilliant! In an inspired stroke of genius, McCain has managed to find a ticket mate who is: a) younger than Obama, b) even less experienced than Obama, c) less educated than Obama and d) is from a state with fewer citizens than attended Obama's acceptance speech on Thursday. To be fair, Obama never finished second in the Miss Illinois Beauty Pageant.
note: Laura Bush was elected to inform her husband of McCain's choice. She was also required to inform him that Alaska is, in fact, a state.
Yeah, he's that good.
I admit it. I'd rather be dazzled than informed. I can get information from the NY Times or The Wall Street Journal. I want my President to excite the country; to get people on their feet and cheering their heads off. I want the crowd to act like they do at their college football homecoming game (minus the exposed beer bellies). The President of the United States should make the populace feel good about themselves. Barak Obama can do it all. (OK, so could Adolph Hitler but you get my point.)
I have an abiding faith that politicians, even corrupt ones, have the country's best interest at heart. Even George W. Bush, misguided mope that he is, doesn't wish the country harm. We all know that, regardless of who wins, America will survive. What's missing in the Republicans is a spark. Will you vote for John McCain because you want to or because you feel you have to? Watergate aside, Nixon might have been a better President than Kennedy but which one would you rather follow?
It doesn't take a genius to be President; Ronald Reagan proved that. What it does take is the ability to inspire. Reagan proved that also. In an age when media personae is so vital, a President has to look like he knows where he's going. After 9/11 Bush's ratings soared. Why? Because he gave a speech that made him look Presidential (Who knew?). It was only after stumbling through the last seven years, when his public appearances were more reminiscent of Alfred E. Newman than FDR, that his numbers tumbled. Talking tough is not leadership. Trying to frighten America into voting for you isn't inspiring. By the way, how terrified must we have been to give GWB a second term?
So how about it America? Let's vote for someone we can be proud of. Let's prove to the world that we are more than belligerent, gay-hating, gun-slingers. In Beijing, we showed that we don't have to be ugly Americans. How about we make that a trend?
____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
In what can only be interpreted as a sign from God, the Republicans are considering delaying the start of their convention in Minneapolis due to the impending arrival of Hurricane Gustav on the Gulf Coast. It seems that the GOP would rather not kick off their big party when the top story on the web might very well be "New Orleans braces for Katrina Deux". Imagine that!
The Republicans are already stuck with Bush and Cheney as speakers. (Sort of like inviting your unpleasant ex-wife to your daughter's wedding. You may have to do it but you'd rather not.) They are concerned that a new hurricane in the Gulf will serve to remind voters about the Bush administration's nonexistent response to the last storm. Replayed film of the Superdome circa Aug, 2005 would do little to enhance the GOP's reputation as champions of the common man.
How come no one asked Harry Wittington to speak at the GOP convention? You remember Harry? He's the lawyer that Cheney shot in the face in Feb, 2006.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Item
John McCain has just named Sarah Palin, current governor of Alaska, to be his running mate. Brilliant! In an inspired stroke of genius, McCain has managed to find a ticket mate who is: a) younger than Obama, b) even less experienced than Obama, c) less educated than Obama and d) is from a state with fewer citizens than attended Obama's acceptance speech on Thursday. To be fair, Obama never finished second in the Miss Illinois Beauty Pageant.
note: Laura Bush was elected to inform her husband of McCain's choice. She was also required to inform him that Alaska is, in fact, a state.
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