Oh, the things we choose to get worked-up about: a ten commandments statue in a courthouse, a creche on public property, a cross in the middle of a national park. Today's tempest involves a Muslim-sponsored, seventeen story cultural center in lower Manhattan which, in additional to a swimming pool and meeting rooms, will contain a mosque. Mosque, by the way, means Muslim place of worship. The only thing that distinguishes this facility from the banquet hall at the Ramada are a few quotes from the Koran which decorate the walls. As you can imagine, it isn't the swimming pool that is making Conservatives crazy.
The problem is that the cultural center sits on Park Place between Broadway and Church St. (ignore the irony) about two blocks from the former site of the World Trade Center. Muslims worshiping or meeting or swimming or breathing anywhere in lower Manhattan makes a segment of the population apoplectic. OK, everyone gets it. It was Muslims, acting, they said, on behalf of Muslims that attacked America on 9-11. The idea that any representative of Islam would build an Islamic anything so close to ground zero strikes some as supremely arrogant and offensive. I'm not nuts about it either. Another site might have shown more sensitivity. Real estate in New York isn't so hard to find. Another location certainly would have seemed less provocative.
That said, this is still America...teabaggers notwithstanding. We do not make laws or, in New York's case, grant landmark status, because something makes us uncomfortable. We don't deny the KKK the right to assemble. We don't consign the Aryan Nation to Toronto to hold rallies. Freedom means freedom for everyone. Hell, we don't even object to fat, old, white people parading through the Capital in funny tri-corn hats. Building an office building containing a mosque near the site of 2,700 deaths might be in bad taste but it's not illegal and it's only a big deal if we make it one.
As with most conservative rage issues, this lends itself to dumb slogans and phony indignation. Everybody wants to hate Muslims. George W. Bush did an admirable job of minimizing any hate-related response to 9-11 but the feelings are still there. Newt Gingrich has been trying desperately to gin-up a fight over whether Sharia law will replace American jurisprudence even though no such movement exists. He has an audience because of the fear of Muslim jihadists. These guys are friggin crazy, right? Islam is, in some forms, a very aggressive religion. Stories of fatwas and beheadings have painted all Muslims as wild-eyed fanatics. (Not that there aren't a few of those out there.) The issue isn't whether some Muslims hate Americans but whether we allow our stereotypes and prejudices to override our sense of justice.
Signs like "why can't we build a church in Mecca?", as usual, miss the point. (Jesus, at least carry a sign that makes sense.) This is about us. The fact that Saudi Arabia is a closed society is about them. Stoning and honor killing in Iran is about them. We are the tolerant ones...maybe to a fault but so what? Our Declaration says "all men are created equal". You get the benefit of the doubt whether you are black or brown, man or woman , Christian or Buddhist. Mayor Bloomberg made maybe the most definitive speech on the subject. He said "We would betray our values and play into our enemies' hands if we were to treat Muslims differently than anyone else". And you thought the Mayor was just another pretty face.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
...or are the teabag Republicans contemplating tossing the Constitution over the side?
Really? The Republican solution to illegal immigration is the repeal of the Fourteenth Amendment? WOW! At least they didn't suggest anything radical like the use of nuclear weapons against illegals or shooting every other person in Texas named Gonzales. Has the supposed "debate" over illegal immigration become so toxic that Republicans are discussing, out loud, a repeal of the Amendment which grants American citizenship to any person born in this country?
Lindsey Graham, once a rational voice for real reform is talking about "dropping a baby" as though Latino children were so many pesky rabbits. The consummate coward, John McCain, is condoning hearings on the subject lest he be accused of not being enough of a radical right-wing nutjob. This from a man who once said "These are God's children as well and they need some protection under the law and they need some of our love and compassion". "Love and compassion" are in short supply when bile and fear are the coins of the realm in a primary fight.
Not that anyone on the Right would care but the facts are these: Illegal immigration is down by around 40% since 2000. Deportations are way up (137,000 have been designated as criminals and deported. 60% more than in the last year of GWB). The number of businesses cited for hiring illegals has quadrupled. According to Homeland Security there are 1 million fewer illegals that in 2007. The border with Mexico is 1,951 miles. A "secure" border is a myth. Don't take my word for it. Ask the East Germans. The border between East and West Berlin was 87 miles with two heavily guarded walls and a "death strip" between. Still, 5,000 people made it across. There are twice as many border agents in place now than in 2005 and there are 5,000 national guard troops. We are reaching a point where the cost of stopping the next illegal would be prohibitive.
Let's talk about "drop and leave". The fact that any American with any shred of decency would suggest that Latino women would risk a dangerous border crossing to "drop" a child on American soil speaks volumes about what we are becoming. This conversation is the worst kind of racist pandering. If you are serious about reversing the flow of illegals, stop singing to the teabaggers and craft workable legislation; a law that will address the needs of farmers and small business as well as those of taxpayers. Jan Brewer is right about one thing (amazing). Border states should not be required to bear the burden of immigrants alone. Washington must act.
"Act" however does not mean taking an Exacto-knife to the Constitution. This is a Republican canard anyway. Repealing the Fourteenth Amendment would require a two-thirds majority in both houses of Congress and approval of 3/4 of the state legislatures. The legal term is "fat chance". So, like George Bush Sr.'s discourse about a flag burning amendment and George W's desire for a marriage amendment, this bit of racist nonsense is being promoted by people who know it has zero chance of being enacted. Like secession, they may sound like "fightin' words" but the cause is hopeless...Thank God.
Lindsey Graham, once a rational voice for real reform is talking about "dropping a baby" as though Latino children were so many pesky rabbits. The consummate coward, John McCain, is condoning hearings on the subject lest he be accused of not being enough of a radical right-wing nutjob. This from a man who once said "These are God's children as well and they need some protection under the law and they need some of our love and compassion". "Love and compassion" are in short supply when bile and fear are the coins of the realm in a primary fight.
Not that anyone on the Right would care but the facts are these: Illegal immigration is down by around 40% since 2000. Deportations are way up (137,000 have been designated as criminals and deported. 60% more than in the last year of GWB). The number of businesses cited for hiring illegals has quadrupled. According to Homeland Security there are 1 million fewer illegals that in 2007. The border with Mexico is 1,951 miles. A "secure" border is a myth. Don't take my word for it. Ask the East Germans. The border between East and West Berlin was 87 miles with two heavily guarded walls and a "death strip" between. Still, 5,000 people made it across. There are twice as many border agents in place now than in 2005 and there are 5,000 national guard troops. We are reaching a point where the cost of stopping the next illegal would be prohibitive.
Let's talk about "drop and leave". The fact that any American with any shred of decency would suggest that Latino women would risk a dangerous border crossing to "drop" a child on American soil speaks volumes about what we are becoming. This conversation is the worst kind of racist pandering. If you are serious about reversing the flow of illegals, stop singing to the teabaggers and craft workable legislation; a law that will address the needs of farmers and small business as well as those of taxpayers. Jan Brewer is right about one thing (amazing). Border states should not be required to bear the burden of immigrants alone. Washington must act.
"Act" however does not mean taking an Exacto-knife to the Constitution. This is a Republican canard anyway. Repealing the Fourteenth Amendment would require a two-thirds majority in both houses of Congress and approval of 3/4 of the state legislatures. The legal term is "fat chance". So, like George Bush Sr.'s discourse about a flag burning amendment and George W's desire for a marriage amendment, this bit of racist nonsense is being promoted by people who know it has zero chance of being enacted. Like secession, they may sound like "fightin' words" but the cause is hopeless...Thank God.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
...or does Edward R. Morrow need to rise from the dead and kick some serious ass?
Attend the tale of Shirley Sherrod.
Before this week Ms. Sherrod was one of 105,000 nameless, faceless bureaucrats who toil away unnoticed in the gargantuan machine of government. Her role was director of Rural Development in Georgia. (Why anyone would want to develop rural Georgia is a topic for another day.) Shirley Sherrod might have worked in Georgia for another three or four years (she is currently 62) and drifted happily into retirement. But nooooooo!
Ms. Sherrod accepted an invitation to address a March meeting of the Georgia NAACP. She had a tale to tell. It was a story about race perception and race reality. It involved a time when she was working for the Southern Cooperative/Land Assistance Fund, a non-profit organization in Georgia helping black farmers. When a white farmer, Roger Spooner, came to her for help, she was initially inclined to "send him to his own people". Ms. Sherrod is a Georgia native. When she was seventeen her father was shot in the back by a white man. No charges were filed. However, Ms. Sherrod overcame these original feelings and ultimately helped Mr. Spooner keep his farm. "If it hadn't been for her, we wouldn't have known who to see or what to do" says Mr. Spooner. So the happy ending to the story is that Shirley Sherrod was able to see past her moment of petty racism and the Spooners and Ms. Sherrod are now great friends. Ah...not so fast...
A low-life teabagger tool named Andrew Breitbart "discovered" Ms. Sharrod's taped speech apparently while searching for communist liberals under his bed. It being a slow news day, Mr. Breitbart decided to edit the tape to appear as if Ms. Sherrod ignored Mr. Spooner's cry for help because he was white. Clearly the act of a black racist. Mr. Breitbart, attempting to justify his despicable treachery, claims that because the NAACP accused elements of the tea party of racism (heaven forfend!) he wanted to show that racism also existed in the ranks of the NAACP. So he edited a tape and had it posted to prove his point. Nice!
Breitbart is an asshat and should be treated as such. The real villains of the piece don't arise until after the offending tape goes viral. News departments all over America decide to run with the story. No one: not ABC, CBS, ABC, Fox, CNN or the Golf Channel ever checked the story or asked to see the entire speech. American news organizations, desperate to appear "fair and balanced" ignored every journalistic rule (mostly the second part of "get it fast but get it right") and rushed into the 24 hour news cycle with garbage. This disgraceful exhibition of knee-jerk journalism was in response to editors fears that Glenn Beck would aggressively scoop them the way he did on Van Jones.
Apparently Beckophobia also runs rampant in the Department of Agriculture and the White House. Tom Vilsack, weak-kneed Secretary of Agriculture, checked no part of the story before demanding Ms. Sherrod's decapitation. (She was actually ordered off a highway so she could tender her resignation by Blackberry.) The White House, doubling down on cowardice, is denying they ordered the firing. Worst of all, the NAACP renounced Ms. Sherrod also without ever bothering to determine the veracity of the accusation. So far the only person to man-up has been Vilsack. His apology at least had the appearance of sincerity.
What has become of our integrity? In what bizarro universe does the Leader of the Free World quake at the feet of a carnival showman like Glenn Beck? Is the compassionate left so fearful of it's positions on race that it searches for any opportunity to vilify, however unjustly, any black person for any perceived transgression? Is the NAACP so unsure of its charter that they would resort to the methods of the lynch mob and condemn without trial? When did formerly respected news organizations get so defensive over accusations of liberal bias that they would decide to air an unverified story about a black women simply because verification looks like liberal bias? Still smarting from the Dan Rather disaster?
And, by the way, so what if a black woman 24 years ago showed a little race bias in Georgia? Black people endured 400 years of slavery and another 130 years of Jim Crow so excuse them if, on occasion, they allow that oppression to cloud their attitudes. What exactly is the white man's excuse for the klan, lynchings and the obvious racism of the tea party? Black people have a reason to hate. What's whitey's story?
Before this week Ms. Sherrod was one of 105,000 nameless, faceless bureaucrats who toil away unnoticed in the gargantuan machine of government. Her role was director of Rural Development in Georgia. (Why anyone would want to develop rural Georgia is a topic for another day.) Shirley Sherrod might have worked in Georgia for another three or four years (she is currently 62) and drifted happily into retirement. But nooooooo!
Ms. Sherrod accepted an invitation to address a March meeting of the Georgia NAACP. She had a tale to tell. It was a story about race perception and race reality. It involved a time when she was working for the Southern Cooperative/Land Assistance Fund, a non-profit organization in Georgia helping black farmers. When a white farmer, Roger Spooner, came to her for help, she was initially inclined to "send him to his own people". Ms. Sherrod is a Georgia native. When she was seventeen her father was shot in the back by a white man. No charges were filed. However, Ms. Sherrod overcame these original feelings and ultimately helped Mr. Spooner keep his farm. "If it hadn't been for her, we wouldn't have known who to see or what to do" says Mr. Spooner. So the happy ending to the story is that Shirley Sherrod was able to see past her moment of petty racism and the Spooners and Ms. Sherrod are now great friends. Ah...not so fast...
A low-life teabagger tool named Andrew Breitbart "discovered" Ms. Sharrod's taped speech apparently while searching for communist liberals under his bed. It being a slow news day, Mr. Breitbart decided to edit the tape to appear as if Ms. Sherrod ignored Mr. Spooner's cry for help because he was white. Clearly the act of a black racist. Mr. Breitbart, attempting to justify his despicable treachery, claims that because the NAACP accused elements of the tea party of racism (heaven forfend!) he wanted to show that racism also existed in the ranks of the NAACP. So he edited a tape and had it posted to prove his point. Nice!
Breitbart is an asshat and should be treated as such. The real villains of the piece don't arise until after the offending tape goes viral. News departments all over America decide to run with the story. No one: not ABC, CBS, ABC, Fox, CNN or the Golf Channel ever checked the story or asked to see the entire speech. American news organizations, desperate to appear "fair and balanced" ignored every journalistic rule (mostly the second part of "get it fast but get it right") and rushed into the 24 hour news cycle with garbage. This disgraceful exhibition of knee-jerk journalism was in response to editors fears that Glenn Beck would aggressively scoop them the way he did on Van Jones.
Apparently Beckophobia also runs rampant in the Department of Agriculture and the White House. Tom Vilsack, weak-kneed Secretary of Agriculture, checked no part of the story before demanding Ms. Sherrod's decapitation. (She was actually ordered off a highway so she could tender her resignation by Blackberry.) The White House, doubling down on cowardice, is denying they ordered the firing. Worst of all, the NAACP renounced Ms. Sherrod also without ever bothering to determine the veracity of the accusation. So far the only person to man-up has been Vilsack. His apology at least had the appearance of sincerity.
What has become of our integrity? In what bizarro universe does the Leader of the Free World quake at the feet of a carnival showman like Glenn Beck? Is the compassionate left so fearful of it's positions on race that it searches for any opportunity to vilify, however unjustly, any black person for any perceived transgression? Is the NAACP so unsure of its charter that they would resort to the methods of the lynch mob and condemn without trial? When did formerly respected news organizations get so defensive over accusations of liberal bias that they would decide to air an unverified story about a black women simply because verification looks like liberal bias? Still smarting from the Dan Rather disaster?
And, by the way, so what if a black woman 24 years ago showed a little race bias in Georgia? Black people endured 400 years of slavery and another 130 years of Jim Crow so excuse them if, on occasion, they allow that oppression to cloud their attitudes. What exactly is the white man's excuse for the klan, lynchings and the obvious racism of the tea party? Black people have a reason to hate. What's whitey's story?
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
...or should we have suspected all along?
Sunday, June 27, 2010. The Federal Bureau of Investigation arrested 11 U.S. residents today and plans to charge them with being deep-cover agents, spying for the Russians. Two of the alleged spies are Boston residents Donald Howard Heathfield and his wife Tracy Lee Ann Foley. Heathfield has been working for ten years in the Boston area as a management consultant.
It was right in front of us all the time. All the signs were there. We whispered our suspicions at the office water cooler or at a neighborhood bar after work but rarely in public and never around our company's management. The idea was too fantastic.
We knew what our enemy was capable of. We'd seen the results through the years in Siberia, Hungary and Czechoslovakia. What we discounted was Russian subtlety. We never dreamed the iron-fisted, ham-handed Commissars of the Kremlin possessed this level of cunning and treachery. Now, thanks to the brave and dogged soldiers at the FBI we have uncovered the truth. Archival information is sketchy but, from what we know, we can piece together most of the story.
It was August, 1989. The Soviet Union was crumbling. The Berlin Wall was teetering. The Soviet Committee for State Security, aka, KGB, was holding what might be its last meeting. The mood in the conference room of Moscow's Lubyanka Prison headquarters was grim. KGB Chairman Vladimir Kryuchkov spoke, " Comrades, we are finished. Thanks to Ronald Reagan, Pope John Paul II and Baywatch we can no longer defeat the West. They have more missiles, more tanks and they have MTV. Before we capitulate entirely and become waiters in Russian restaurants in Brighton Beach, are there any ideas as to how we can defeat this hated enemy?"
From the back of the room came the confident voice of Captain Sergei McKinseikov. The young officer had recently returned to the USSR after earning his MBA at Harvard. "Comrade Chairman, having recently come from the United States I can tell you that there is a growing crisis of confidence in American business. Companies that have prospered for many years are being managed by young, over-educated, under-experienced neophytes. They have more experience unhooking women's brassieres in the back of a Lada than running a company. Soon bonuses will begin to suffer and, remembering what they were taught at Yale/Columbia, etc., they will seek guidance from equally clueless strangers known as 'management consultants."
The Chairman interrupted. "Captain, are you suggesting that American corporations, having prospered for decades using methods proven over generations, will suddenly abandon the business models that made them a success and follow the advice of people with no experience in their field? That's madness! No sane competent executive would knowingly choose such a course. In Russia we would send such an executive to our management re-training program in Siberia."
"I realize it sounds crazy, Comrade Chairman, but it is happening. What I am proposing is that we infiltrate these 'management consulting' companies. and people them with well-trained KGB operatives. This can be done while the agents are studying at America's Ivy League Universities. Most of the schools are run by socialists anyway. They won't mind. When the time comes, and believe me it's coming, our people will be in the perfect position to wreak havoc throughout American industry. The beauty of this plan is that the American companies will come to us. All we need are a few laptops and a dictionary of buzz words and catch phrases. One of my classmates at Harvard grossed $3mil last year with only a Dell Dimension and the words ' silos and bandwidth'. Even our Russian accents will seem exotic. We'll tell them that all the new, robust thinking 'from 10,000 feet' and 'six-sigma, best practices' are coming from Eastern Europe." Most of them think the "Far East" means Amagansett. They'll never know.
The Chairman remained skeptical. "I don't know, Captain. The plan sounds expensive. Besides, what if the American executives don't believe the useless advice we give them?"
"But that's just it, Sir" McKinseikov persisted, " the beauty of this plan is that it funds itself. American executives believe that if you charge them staggering fees and bury them in reams of paper, you must certainly be smarter than they are. Look at how much they pay Bill Clinton to read a 30 minute canned speech. We can use the exorbitant revenue from each assignment to pay for the next. And don't forget, American executives are sheep. If Company A hires us to 're-purpose' their once successful business, Company B down the street will feel that they also must redesign. Plus, once the Americans have paid millions for advice, they feel compelled to follow it regardless of how destructive it appears. At Harvard they call this a 'win-win'."
Chairman Kryuchkov was impressed but still cautious. "So, Captian McKinseikov, your plan is to train a group of Russian agents at America's Ivy League schools to become consultants to management. We then set them up in fancy offices with laptop computers. You claim that America's biggest and most successful companies will hire them to completely reorganize what were proven successful business models. Our people will then take this questionable unproven advice and market to those companies competitors? And those competitors will pay even more for the same bad advice? Won't we ultimately get caught? Sooner or later won't American executives get wise to the fact that they are buying air? I mean how long can such a ridiculous concept survive?"
Good Question!
Dosvidanya!
It was right in front of us all the time. All the signs were there. We whispered our suspicions at the office water cooler or at a neighborhood bar after work but rarely in public and never around our company's management. The idea was too fantastic.
We knew what our enemy was capable of. We'd seen the results through the years in Siberia, Hungary and Czechoslovakia. What we discounted was Russian subtlety. We never dreamed the iron-fisted, ham-handed Commissars of the Kremlin possessed this level of cunning and treachery. Now, thanks to the brave and dogged soldiers at the FBI we have uncovered the truth. Archival information is sketchy but, from what we know, we can piece together most of the story.
It was August, 1989. The Soviet Union was crumbling. The Berlin Wall was teetering. The Soviet Committee for State Security, aka, KGB, was holding what might be its last meeting. The mood in the conference room of Moscow's Lubyanka Prison headquarters was grim. KGB Chairman Vladimir Kryuchkov spoke, " Comrades, we are finished. Thanks to Ronald Reagan, Pope John Paul II and Baywatch we can no longer defeat the West. They have more missiles, more tanks and they have MTV. Before we capitulate entirely and become waiters in Russian restaurants in Brighton Beach, are there any ideas as to how we can defeat this hated enemy?"
From the back of the room came the confident voice of Captain Sergei McKinseikov. The young officer had recently returned to the USSR after earning his MBA at Harvard. "Comrade Chairman, having recently come from the United States I can tell you that there is a growing crisis of confidence in American business. Companies that have prospered for many years are being managed by young, over-educated, under-experienced neophytes. They have more experience unhooking women's brassieres in the back of a Lada than running a company. Soon bonuses will begin to suffer and, remembering what they were taught at Yale/Columbia, etc., they will seek guidance from equally clueless strangers known as 'management consultants."
The Chairman interrupted. "Captain, are you suggesting that American corporations, having prospered for decades using methods proven over generations, will suddenly abandon the business models that made them a success and follow the advice of people with no experience in their field? That's madness! No sane competent executive would knowingly choose such a course. In Russia we would send such an executive to our management re-training program in Siberia."
"I realize it sounds crazy, Comrade Chairman, but it is happening. What I am proposing is that we infiltrate these 'management consulting' companies. and people them with well-trained KGB operatives. This can be done while the agents are studying at America's Ivy League Universities. Most of the schools are run by socialists anyway. They won't mind. When the time comes, and believe me it's coming, our people will be in the perfect position to wreak havoc throughout American industry. The beauty of this plan is that the American companies will come to us. All we need are a few laptops and a dictionary of buzz words and catch phrases. One of my classmates at Harvard grossed $3mil last year with only a Dell Dimension and the words ' silos and bandwidth'. Even our Russian accents will seem exotic. We'll tell them that all the new, robust thinking 'from 10,000 feet' and 'six-sigma, best practices' are coming from Eastern Europe." Most of them think the "Far East" means Amagansett. They'll never know.
The Chairman remained skeptical. "I don't know, Captain. The plan sounds expensive. Besides, what if the American executives don't believe the useless advice we give them?"
"But that's just it, Sir" McKinseikov persisted, " the beauty of this plan is that it funds itself. American executives believe that if you charge them staggering fees and bury them in reams of paper, you must certainly be smarter than they are. Look at how much they pay Bill Clinton to read a 30 minute canned speech. We can use the exorbitant revenue from each assignment to pay for the next. And don't forget, American executives are sheep. If Company A hires us to 're-purpose' their once successful business, Company B down the street will feel that they also must redesign. Plus, once the Americans have paid millions for advice, they feel compelled to follow it regardless of how destructive it appears. At Harvard they call this a 'win-win'."
Chairman Kryuchkov was impressed but still cautious. "So, Captian McKinseikov, your plan is to train a group of Russian agents at America's Ivy League schools to become consultants to management. We then set them up in fancy offices with laptop computers. You claim that America's biggest and most successful companies will hire them to completely reorganize what were proven successful business models. Our people will then take this questionable unproven advice and market to those companies competitors? And those competitors will pay even more for the same bad advice? Won't we ultimately get caught? Sooner or later won't American executives get wise to the fact that they are buying air? I mean how long can such a ridiculous concept survive?"
Good Question!
Dosvidanya!
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
...or is hot dog eating to sports what chess is to exercise?
Car wrecks we can't seem to stop looking at.
Item
At what point in our ever-evolving culture did food-consumption become sports? Speaking for myself, the prospect of watching someone stuff wet hot dogs and buns into his face at high speed falls somewhere between freak show and "don't block the door to the vomitorium". The only way glutenous food consumption qualifies as sports is if John Waters is your news producer.
Once upon a time some bright-light MBA at Nathan's Famous, Inc. proposed a hot dog eating contest as a stunt. This simple idea has morphed into two actual associations called the MLE, Major League Eating and the WLOCE, World League of Competitive Eating. (Think WWE except the contestants occasionally say "excuse me" after emitting horrid bodily noises.) These organizations sponsor all manner of pig-outs all over the world. Burgers, Spam, oysters and many other foods are stuffed into "professional" gobs as fans cheer and the clock ticks. So ask yourself: if you're a tea-bagger, where do you go to protest about "getting your country back"? Forget the White House. Take the gang to Coney Island. Not only can you attempt to convert the Joey Chestnut fans, you can have a little lunch. I've seen those tea party rallies. That group has some serious hot dog eaters.
Item
Can someone please explain why gun sales in America are going through the roof? Has the current occupant of the White House made any effort to curtail the sale of firearms? Has Congress attempted to rewrite the Constitution in response to the "Heller" or "McDonald" decisions by the Supremes? Has anyone aside from a few big city mayors even brought the topic up? Is the NRA so influential that they can create a panic among members even in the absence of a threat?
Today's troubling news comes from the Beehive State of Utah. It seems that Utah has the most lenient concealed weapons law of any state in America. Utah requires only that you be 21, take a course, clear a background check and of course, pay a $65.25 fee. The permits are valid in 32 states and are good for five years. Utah issued 74,000 permits last year and is swamped with applications for 2010. If you don't find this troubling...you should. Most people killed in shootings are shot byfamil;y members or people they know. This OK Corral fantasy results in hundreds of needless deaths every year. BTW The first thing lawmen in Dodge City, Tombstone and Silver City did to reduce crime was prohibit the citizenry from carrying guns.
If your paranoia is such that you feel the need to own a gun, neither Barack Obama nor I can do much to stop you. However there is no reason for any citizen to wander the streets of America with a weapon concealed in his clothing or in her handbag. You will most certainly shoot a friend or an acquaintance long before you shoot a felon. Ask yourself: If I witness a crime in progress, would I be likely to draw a gun and start shooting? Is there the slightest expectation that I could hit what I was aiming at? Would it be more likely that I would hit: a cop, a bystander, a hostage? Would I be offended by return fire?
The debate over guns is asinine. No one will convince anyone of anything. There are two interesting facts that Americans should find sobering: currently there are 280,000 handguns in private hands in this Country and, every year we kill about 4,500 kids with guns.
Item
America, I know it's July. Things are a little laid back. Baseball is at the halfway point in the season. (yawn!) The U.S. is out of the World Cup. Football two-a-days are a few weeks off. Still, are we really so stuck for something to distract us that we would devote a full hour of primetime TV to the announcement that a high school graduate from Akron plans to bounce a ball in Miami? It's difficult to judge which is worse: A sports personality who thinks his address is of such earth-shaking import that America would forgo Rachel Maddow or reruns of CSI to watch a TV special about whose little shorts and tank top he will attempt to sell in 2010 and beyond or, a population of sycophant, mouth-breathers who care. LeBron James has the biggest, most outsized ego since, oh, Glenn Beck who just announced he is starting his own university. Headline rewrite " isitjustme or is hot dog eating to sports what Glenn Beck is to education?"
Item
At what point in our ever-evolving culture did food-consumption become sports? Speaking for myself, the prospect of watching someone stuff wet hot dogs and buns into his face at high speed falls somewhere between freak show and "don't block the door to the vomitorium". The only way glutenous food consumption qualifies as sports is if John Waters is your news producer.
Once upon a time some bright-light MBA at Nathan's Famous, Inc. proposed a hot dog eating contest as a stunt. This simple idea has morphed into two actual associations called the MLE, Major League Eating and the WLOCE, World League of Competitive Eating. (Think WWE except the contestants occasionally say "excuse me" after emitting horrid bodily noises.) These organizations sponsor all manner of pig-outs all over the world. Burgers, Spam, oysters and many other foods are stuffed into "professional" gobs as fans cheer and the clock ticks. So ask yourself: if you're a tea-bagger, where do you go to protest about "getting your country back"? Forget the White House. Take the gang to Coney Island. Not only can you attempt to convert the Joey Chestnut fans, you can have a little lunch. I've seen those tea party rallies. That group has some serious hot dog eaters.
Item
Can someone please explain why gun sales in America are going through the roof? Has the current occupant of the White House made any effort to curtail the sale of firearms? Has Congress attempted to rewrite the Constitution in response to the "Heller" or "McDonald" decisions by the Supremes? Has anyone aside from a few big city mayors even brought the topic up? Is the NRA so influential that they can create a panic among members even in the absence of a threat?
Today's troubling news comes from the Beehive State of Utah. It seems that Utah has the most lenient concealed weapons law of any state in America. Utah requires only that you be 21, take a course, clear a background check and of course, pay a $65.25 fee. The permits are valid in 32 states and are good for five years. Utah issued 74,000 permits last year and is swamped with applications for 2010. If you don't find this troubling...you should. Most people killed in shootings are shot byfamil;y members or people they know. This OK Corral fantasy results in hundreds of needless deaths every year. BTW The first thing lawmen in Dodge City, Tombstone and Silver City did to reduce crime was prohibit the citizenry from carrying guns.
If your paranoia is such that you feel the need to own a gun, neither Barack Obama nor I can do much to stop you. However there is no reason for any citizen to wander the streets of America with a weapon concealed in his clothing or in her handbag. You will most certainly shoot a friend or an acquaintance long before you shoot a felon. Ask yourself: If I witness a crime in progress, would I be likely to draw a gun and start shooting? Is there the slightest expectation that I could hit what I was aiming at? Would it be more likely that I would hit: a cop, a bystander, a hostage? Would I be offended by return fire?
The debate over guns is asinine. No one will convince anyone of anything. There are two interesting facts that Americans should find sobering: currently there are 280,000 handguns in private hands in this Country and, every year we kill about 4,500 kids with guns.
Item
America, I know it's July. Things are a little laid back. Baseball is at the halfway point in the season. (yawn!) The U.S. is out of the World Cup. Football two-a-days are a few weeks off. Still, are we really so stuck for something to distract us that we would devote a full hour of primetime TV to the announcement that a high school graduate from Akron plans to bounce a ball in Miami? It's difficult to judge which is worse: A sports personality who thinks his address is of such earth-shaking import that America would forgo Rachel Maddow or reruns of CSI to watch a TV special about whose little shorts and tank top he will attempt to sell in 2010 and beyond or, a population of sycophant, mouth-breathers who care. LeBron James has the biggest, most outsized ego since, oh, Glenn Beck who just announced he is starting his own university. Headline rewrite " isitjustme or is hot dog eating to sports what Glenn Beck is to education?"
Friday, July 02, 2010
...or should Glenn Beck be required to register with the World Clown Association?
Seriously, there is no greater defender of free speech than isitjustme. After all, if loathsome, despicable, incoherent expression were outlawed, I'd have to go back to downloading porn...even more. The problem with Beck, aside from his heinous message, is his evisceration of the mother tongue. If you feel the need, watch his show. "...and so, like, he thought like, what's that about? And like he said, "wow" and I'm like gee." Mentally challenged valley girls speak more eloquently. Either his teleprompter is slower than he is or he's mostly winging it. It's easy to presume the later because it would be almost impossible to write the way Beck talks. If he has writers, they're not earning their salaries. (Nor are his wardrobe people, unless they are intentionally going for "Ralph Kramden Chic".)
The problem with success is you think you walk on water. No one can tell you anything. Lee Trevino once said that he didn't have a swing coach because he never met one who could beat him. Because Beck's message resonates with a certain tragic hoard of mouth-breathers who feel under-appreciated and disenfranchised, he thinks his whole act is golden. As long as Sarah Palin takes his calls and he rakes in a few bob for Rupert Murdoch, life is good and grammar and syntax be damned. If this is "everyman speak", I want an Ebonics dictionary.
Mostly, Beck is a sideshow and should be taken as seriously as World Wrestling. However, Beck stops being funny when he steps into desecration. On August 28th, Beck intends to hold a Tea Party rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. That happens to be the 47th Anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech. So far the Park Service has not issued a permit. (Who says government can't get anything right?) Considering the subtly racist nature of the Tea Party, this would be the equivalent of the Japanese holding a rally at the USS Arizona memorial on December 7th.
No one is suggesting that Beck be silenced. He should be allowed to parade his bile in any public forum that will tolerate him. With permission, he can speak on the steps of the Capitol where Barak Obama took the oath of office. He can run his smack at the Washington Monument or the Jefferson Memorial. I'm sure his words will be just as memorable as Dr. King's. It may be known as the "I Have a TV Show" speech. Beck cannot, however, be permitted to pontificate from the spot where Dr. King spoke of justice and hope. He cannot be allowed to use that important historical place as a venue for trashing the very President who embodies MLK's vision for racial equality. Be a voice for stupidity anywhere else, but not there.
As further proof of his monstrously delusional ego, Beck claims that when the date for the rally was first chosen, he did not realize the significance. That led him to believe that the choice was divinely inspired. To comment on that bit of drivel we have the thoughts of none other than Father Guido Sarducci. When asked if Glen might be a prophet, Father S. suggests that, because Beck is unstable, hears voices and talks a lot, he may very well be a prophet. (Check Steven Colbert's interview with Father Sarducci at http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/313497/june-23-2010/prophet-glenn-beck---father-guido-sarducci)
Most people with IQ's in two digits understand that Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity & Co. are performers in the grand tradition of Will Rogers and Pat Paulson. The tragedy of this crop of talkers is that some folks take these guys seriously. It's one thing to sit in your Barcalounger with a beer and rail against a political agenda you don't support. It's another to grab your flintlock and tri-corn hat and trample hallowed ground. Beck should take his "Restoring Honor" rally to a landfill or a slaughterhouse where the smell of his message won't offend the scenery. Just stay away from the Lincoln Memorial on Aug. 28...unless you want to see the statue of Lincoln holding his nose.
The problem with success is you think you walk on water. No one can tell you anything. Lee Trevino once said that he didn't have a swing coach because he never met one who could beat him. Because Beck's message resonates with a certain tragic hoard of mouth-breathers who feel under-appreciated and disenfranchised, he thinks his whole act is golden. As long as Sarah Palin takes his calls and he rakes in a few bob for Rupert Murdoch, life is good and grammar and syntax be damned. If this is "everyman speak", I want an Ebonics dictionary.
Mostly, Beck is a sideshow and should be taken as seriously as World Wrestling. However, Beck stops being funny when he steps into desecration. On August 28th, Beck intends to hold a Tea Party rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. That happens to be the 47th Anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech. So far the Park Service has not issued a permit. (Who says government can't get anything right?) Considering the subtly racist nature of the Tea Party, this would be the equivalent of the Japanese holding a rally at the USS Arizona memorial on December 7th.
No one is suggesting that Beck be silenced. He should be allowed to parade his bile in any public forum that will tolerate him. With permission, he can speak on the steps of the Capitol where Barak Obama took the oath of office. He can run his smack at the Washington Monument or the Jefferson Memorial. I'm sure his words will be just as memorable as Dr. King's. It may be known as the "I Have a TV Show" speech. Beck cannot, however, be permitted to pontificate from the spot where Dr. King spoke of justice and hope. He cannot be allowed to use that important historical place as a venue for trashing the very President who embodies MLK's vision for racial equality. Be a voice for stupidity anywhere else, but not there.
As further proof of his monstrously delusional ego, Beck claims that when the date for the rally was first chosen, he did not realize the significance. That led him to believe that the choice was divinely inspired. To comment on that bit of drivel we have the thoughts of none other than Father Guido Sarducci. When asked if Glen might be a prophet, Father S. suggests that, because Beck is unstable, hears voices and talks a lot, he may very well be a prophet. (Check Steven Colbert's interview with Father Sarducci at http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/313497/june-23-2010/prophet-glenn-beck---father-guido-sarducci)
Most people with IQ's in two digits understand that Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity & Co. are performers in the grand tradition of Will Rogers and Pat Paulson. The tragedy of this crop of talkers is that some folks take these guys seriously. It's one thing to sit in your Barcalounger with a beer and rail against a political agenda you don't support. It's another to grab your flintlock and tri-corn hat and trample hallowed ground. Beck should take his "Restoring Honor" rally to a landfill or a slaughterhouse where the smell of his message won't offend the scenery. Just stay away from the Lincoln Memorial on Aug. 28...unless you want to see the statue of Lincoln holding his nose.
...should we sing "one,two,three calls you're out at the old World Cup"?
Please, America, stop obsessing over the lack of technology to aid in World Cup officiating. I realize that, thus far, referees at World Cup have been about as intelligent and well-reasoned as Sharon Osbourne judging America's Got Talent after an LSD bender. (Like anyone could tell!) Instant reply cameras at the matches have illustrated time and time again that officials at the games are chosen for how good they look in those little shorts rather than their eyesight. Most should have a dog and sunglasses.
Nevertheless, this is the world's game, not ours. As relative newcomers, our obligation is to play the matches, get our asses handed to us and go home. The rest of the countries involved aren't whining and crying about lost goals or missed calls. Even the Brits, victims of the most egregious call since Merkle's Boner in 1908, have maintained their customary stiff upper lip. (And no, Merkle's Boner wasn't some Viagra-induced medical condition. Look it up.) America, on the other hand, having showed up on the world soccer scene about 20 minutes ago, can't stop gassing about using instant reply to confirm or overturn bad decisions. Stop already. The graybeards at FIFA will get to it when they get to it.
Imagine if Japan complained that baseball should replace the home plate ump with a machine to call balls and strikes. Or if Venezuela demanded that the NFL reduce the number of points awarded for a field goal from three to two. Our sports community (consisting mostly of the five guys who call in to sports talk-shows every night) would explain that these games are sacrosanct and, when those countries have been playing as long as us, they can suggest rule changes.
We did pretty well in South Africa this time around. The country really got into the games. (Possibly because the time difference gave fans an excuse to be in a bar at 9:30 AM.) We'll do better next time. In the meantime, be thankful that the Obama administration is proposing a bill outlawing the sale, manufacture or importation of vuvuzelas. After all, we wouldn't want anything keeping baseball fans awake.
Nevertheless, this is the world's game, not ours. As relative newcomers, our obligation is to play the matches, get our asses handed to us and go home. The rest of the countries involved aren't whining and crying about lost goals or missed calls. Even the Brits, victims of the most egregious call since Merkle's Boner in 1908, have maintained their customary stiff upper lip. (And no, Merkle's Boner wasn't some Viagra-induced medical condition. Look it up.) America, on the other hand, having showed up on the world soccer scene about 20 minutes ago, can't stop gassing about using instant reply to confirm or overturn bad decisions. Stop already. The graybeards at FIFA will get to it when they get to it.
Imagine if Japan complained that baseball should replace the home plate ump with a machine to call balls and strikes. Or if Venezuela demanded that the NFL reduce the number of points awarded for a field goal from three to two. Our sports community (consisting mostly of the five guys who call in to sports talk-shows every night) would explain that these games are sacrosanct and, when those countries have been playing as long as us, they can suggest rule changes.
We did pretty well in South Africa this time around. The country really got into the games. (Possibly because the time difference gave fans an excuse to be in a bar at 9:30 AM.) We'll do better next time. In the meantime, be thankful that the Obama administration is proposing a bill outlawing the sale, manufacture or importation of vuvuzelas. After all, we wouldn't want anything keeping baseball fans awake.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
...or maybe there ain't no cure for the summertime blues?
... Things you missed because you were watching Uruguay play Cameroon.
Item
Arizona is continuing its war on all brown-skinned people. Apparently the plan is to keep anyone darker than the cast of Harry Potter from ever setting foot on the desert dump that is Arizona. I wonder who John McCain will get to clean his 47 houses...Mary friggin Poppins? It's not like illegal immigrants actually want to stay in The Grand Canyon State. They view Arizona as more of a porti-john on the way to Vegas.
Anyway two items attracted a bit of attention this week. State senator Russell Pearce, author of sb1070, the law that makes being Mexican-looking a crime in Arizona, is contemplating a new abomination. Untroubled by annoying documents like the Constitution, Sen. Pearce intends to propose a bill that would nullify the so-called "anchor baby amendment" certifying that children born in the United States are citizens even if their parents are illegal. This racist turdblossom is confident that the Fourteenth Amendment poses no real impediment. Given the current make-up of the Supreme Court he may be right.
Why not stop all the niceties and just declare open season on all brown-skinned people? Sure, you might kill an occasional priest or policeman but hey, you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs. After all, every knuckle-dragger in the state is already authorized to carry concealed. What's a gun for?
With an eye toward ensuring that the citizens of Arizona are as racially polarized as possible, Gov. Jan Brewer (Republican from Rhodesia) was quoted Friday as asserting that most of the immigrants crossing the border from Mexico are in fact mules for the drug cartels. "I believe today, under the current circumstances that we are facing, that the majority of illegal trespassers that are coming into the state of Arizona are under the direction and control of organized drug cartels and they are bringing drugs in." It's difficult to decide which is more egregious: the blatant racist rhetoric offered without one shred of proof or ending your sentence with a preposition.
America needs to vote with their feet. No one should vacation in Arizona. The Baseball All-Star Game scheduled for 2011 in Phoenix should be moved. Taco Bell should close every franchise in the state. The only food products eligible for import into Arizona should be herring and brussel sprouts. If you're so anxious to have your population look like Denmark's you should learn to eat like them.
Item
This week's winner of the Claude Rains/Captain Renault Award ("I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here") is Judge Martin L.C. Feldman. You may have run across Judge Feldman's name in connection with the ruling on whether the Obama administration can impose a six-month moratorium on deepwater oil drilling. The President/Dept of Interior/Minerals Management Service had the daffy notion that the biggest oil disaster in history should cause a pause in deepwater drilling at least until we find out the cause. Judge Feldman begged to differ. Having ruled in favor of big oil (big surprise) we have since learned that: the Judge is a BFF of Supreme Court powerhouse Antonin Scalia (bigger surprise) and (biggest surprise) that he owned stock in ExxonMobil which he only sold the day before his ruling.
While we know the rules of law and the Cannon of Ethics have yet to be translated into a language Louisiana folk can understand (Feldman was born in Missouri but "educated" in New Orleans), it might have been presumed that a judge hearing an oil related case would recuse himself owing to a potential conflict. Such a presumption would show a woeful lack of knowledge of Bayou justice. In the great tradition of Huey Long and Edwin Edwards we are fortunate that Judge Feldman didn't Twitter his friends and family and give them a heads-up on the impending ruling. It's comforting to know that oily pelicans aren't the only slimy things to wash up on the beaches of Louisiana.
Item
Arizona is continuing its war on all brown-skinned people. Apparently the plan is to keep anyone darker than the cast of Harry Potter from ever setting foot on the desert dump that is Arizona. I wonder who John McCain will get to clean his 47 houses...Mary friggin Poppins? It's not like illegal immigrants actually want to stay in The Grand Canyon State. They view Arizona as more of a porti-john on the way to Vegas.
Anyway two items attracted a bit of attention this week. State senator Russell Pearce, author of sb1070, the law that makes being Mexican-looking a crime in Arizona, is contemplating a new abomination. Untroubled by annoying documents like the Constitution, Sen. Pearce intends to propose a bill that would nullify the so-called "anchor baby amendment" certifying that children born in the United States are citizens even if their parents are illegal. This racist turdblossom is confident that the Fourteenth Amendment poses no real impediment. Given the current make-up of the Supreme Court he may be right.
Why not stop all the niceties and just declare open season on all brown-skinned people? Sure, you might kill an occasional priest or policeman but hey, you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs. After all, every knuckle-dragger in the state is already authorized to carry concealed. What's a gun for?
With an eye toward ensuring that the citizens of Arizona are as racially polarized as possible, Gov. Jan Brewer (Republican from Rhodesia) was quoted Friday as asserting that most of the immigrants crossing the border from Mexico are in fact mules for the drug cartels. "I believe today, under the current circumstances that we are facing, that the majority of illegal trespassers that are coming into the state of Arizona are under the direction and control of organized drug cartels and they are bringing drugs in." It's difficult to decide which is more egregious: the blatant racist rhetoric offered without one shred of proof or ending your sentence with a preposition.
America needs to vote with their feet. No one should vacation in Arizona. The Baseball All-Star Game scheduled for 2011 in Phoenix should be moved. Taco Bell should close every franchise in the state. The only food products eligible for import into Arizona should be herring and brussel sprouts. If you're so anxious to have your population look like Denmark's you should learn to eat like them.
Item
This week's winner of the Claude Rains/Captain Renault Award ("I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here") is Judge Martin L.C. Feldman. You may have run across Judge Feldman's name in connection with the ruling on whether the Obama administration can impose a six-month moratorium on deepwater oil drilling. The President/Dept of Interior/Minerals Management Service had the daffy notion that the biggest oil disaster in history should cause a pause in deepwater drilling at least until we find out the cause. Judge Feldman begged to differ. Having ruled in favor of big oil (big surprise) we have since learned that: the Judge is a BFF of Supreme Court powerhouse Antonin Scalia (bigger surprise) and (biggest surprise) that he owned stock in ExxonMobil which he only sold the day before his ruling.
While we know the rules of law and the Cannon of Ethics have yet to be translated into a language Louisiana folk can understand (Feldman was born in Missouri but "educated" in New Orleans), it might have been presumed that a judge hearing an oil related case would recuse himself owing to a potential conflict. Such a presumption would show a woeful lack of knowledge of Bayou justice. In the great tradition of Huey Long and Edwin Edwards we are fortunate that Judge Feldman didn't Twitter his friends and family and give them a heads-up on the impending ruling. It's comforting to know that oily pelicans aren't the only slimy things to wash up on the beaches of Louisiana.
Monday, June 21, 2010
...or is the World Cup beginning to grow on us?
Admit it. You're a little interested. There's a certain appeal attached to rooting for a country whose location requires a consultation with Rand McNally. Don't you feel like a citizen of the world as you wax-on endlessly about the spirited striker play of Slovenia vis a vis Slovakia? Aren't you proud of calling a tie a "draw" or the playing field a "pitch"?How often do you get to yell Go Ghana! or Give 'em hell Honduras? The whole experience is like a giant game of Risk except you don't even have to throw the dice. Improbable pairings pit England against Algeria and Japan against Cameroon. It's like settling the Superman vs. Batman argument with a real contest.
FIFA officials have been sensitive to dicey political rivalries. You won't see N. Korea vs. S Korea unless they miraculously survive the opening round. The U.S. against England might have created a few tense moments had the contest been held in say, 1814. In 2010, no problem. Same story with Brazil vs. Portugal. Potential conflict in say, 1822. Today, not so much.
Anyway, at the current World Cup event in South Africa all the conflict seems to be internal. The team from Jolly Old England, having had high hopes coming in, is showing about as much visible output as a British dentist. Through three matches, the Brits have produced only one goal. English superstar forward Wayne Rooney has had fewer ball-touches than a cloistered nun. Rooney has compounded his weak performance by complaining that the British fans are booing the lads. Too bad! If Rooney and the boys don't survive into the next round, he won't be able to buy a pint anywhere west of Dunkirk.
In general, the Western European teams, always among the favorites, have been laying a collective egg. The mighty Italian, Spanish and German squads have been beaten by countries whose total population is less than the seating capacity at Manchester United's home stadium. Anyone who thought the Swiss were neutral didn't see them punch-out the Spanish. Italy was able to do no better than a draw against New Zealand. Hell, New Zealand's back up goalie is a sheep. The Germans, having put up four goals against Australia (how's that for a kick down under?) went to sleep against Serbia and woke to a 0-1 loss. Serbia was still miffed about that Archduke Franz Ferdinand incident in 1914.
And then there are the French; God love 'em. The odyssey begins in Nov 2009 during a match between Les Bleus and Ireland. The Byzantine system of qualifying rounds had these clubs competing for the last ticket to South Africa. The Irish were miraculously ahead until an illegal hand touch by Thierry Henry gave France the victory and left the Irish screaming foul. (Unfortunately, they were screaming into their pint glasses so their protest went unheard.)
Since their arrival in South Africa, French play has resembled French cheese...stinky. In two matches against weaker opponents the French have posted a draw with Uruguay and a stunning loss to Mexico.
To make things even spicier, one of France's star players, Nicolas Anelka exploded in a blush-inducing tirade during half time of the Mexico match. The bleu language was leveled at the French coach Raymond Domenech. The coach demanded an apology, Anelka explained which part of his anatomy he could stick that idea. Domenech sent Anelka packing (back to Chelsea where he makes a gazillion euro as a high-scoring forward). In protest (how the French love to protest) the entire team is refusing to practice. Given a choice between fighting and going on strike the French never disappoint. The incident has attracted the attention of French President Nicolas Sarkozy who, understanding the virtue of scoring, has asked for a return to the practice pitch. FIFA officials have ordained that if France can't get it's house in order they will send the German team to occupy the stadium.
FIFA officials have been sensitive to dicey political rivalries. You won't see N. Korea vs. S Korea unless they miraculously survive the opening round. The U.S. against England might have created a few tense moments had the contest been held in say, 1814. In 2010, no problem. Same story with Brazil vs. Portugal. Potential conflict in say, 1822. Today, not so much.
Anyway, at the current World Cup event in South Africa all the conflict seems to be internal. The team from Jolly Old England, having had high hopes coming in, is showing about as much visible output as a British dentist. Through three matches, the Brits have produced only one goal. English superstar forward Wayne Rooney has had fewer ball-touches than a cloistered nun. Rooney has compounded his weak performance by complaining that the British fans are booing the lads. Too bad! If Rooney and the boys don't survive into the next round, he won't be able to buy a pint anywhere west of Dunkirk.
In general, the Western European teams, always among the favorites, have been laying a collective egg. The mighty Italian, Spanish and German squads have been beaten by countries whose total population is less than the seating capacity at Manchester United's home stadium. Anyone who thought the Swiss were neutral didn't see them punch-out the Spanish. Italy was able to do no better than a draw against New Zealand. Hell, New Zealand's back up goalie is a sheep. The Germans, having put up four goals against Australia (how's that for a kick down under?) went to sleep against Serbia and woke to a 0-1 loss. Serbia was still miffed about that Archduke Franz Ferdinand incident in 1914.
And then there are the French; God love 'em. The odyssey begins in Nov 2009 during a match between Les Bleus and Ireland. The Byzantine system of qualifying rounds had these clubs competing for the last ticket to South Africa. The Irish were miraculously ahead until an illegal hand touch by Thierry Henry gave France the victory and left the Irish screaming foul. (Unfortunately, they were screaming into their pint glasses so their protest went unheard.)
Since their arrival in South Africa, French play has resembled French cheese...stinky. In two matches against weaker opponents the French have posted a draw with Uruguay and a stunning loss to Mexico.
To make things even spicier, one of France's star players, Nicolas Anelka exploded in a blush-inducing tirade during half time of the Mexico match. The bleu language was leveled at the French coach Raymond Domenech. The coach demanded an apology, Anelka explained which part of his anatomy he could stick that idea. Domenech sent Anelka packing (back to Chelsea where he makes a gazillion euro as a high-scoring forward). In protest (how the French love to protest) the entire team is refusing to practice. Given a choice between fighting and going on strike the French never disappoint. The incident has attracted the attention of French President Nicolas Sarkozy who, understanding the virtue of scoring, has asked for a return to the practice pitch. FIFA officials have ordained that if France can't get it's house in order they will send the German team to occupy the stadium.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
...or do we need more proof that dinosaurs and Joe Barton roamed the earth at the same time?
Folks in Oklahoma say the only good thing to come out of Texas is Interstate 40. That's not entirely true. Texas and its Texicans are also responsible for some of the stupidest, absurd and tone-deaf statements ever uttered in the history of political discourse. Think Governor Perry and his interest in secession.Why should you be surprised? 38% of Texans believe that man was created by God in pretty much his present form. More than half of them refuse to believe that humans evolved from other animals. (All the more amazing considering the knuckle-draggers that compose the U. of T. football team.) A stirring 31% (that's a third for you Texans) think that men rode around on dinosaurs. Lewis Black suggested that Texas schools should teach students that The Flintstones is not a documentary.
It should therefore come as no surprise that the people of Texas would elect as one of their representatives to Congress, this month's nominee for Asshat of the Year, Joe Barton. Joe comes to us from the sixth Congressional District, a lovely swath of nothing that gerry-meanders south and east of Dallas. Since 1984, when he replaced another Mensa candidate Phil Gramm, Joe has distinguished himself in two areas: he has sucked up more oil company money than Hugo Chavez and, (surprise, surprise) he has been a continuous speed bump on the road to energy independence and climate change legislation.
Normally his record of obstructionism would simply relegate Congressman Barton to the historical landfill to keep company with 200 years of other Republicans bought and paid for by mining companies, refinery operators, chemical manufacturers and other polluters and plunderers. However, Congressman Barton wasn't content to sit on the sidelines and reinforce our opinion of flat-earth certainists. Joe felt the need to grab the microphone on the morning of Thursday, June 17th and ensure his legacy as the worst toady for big business since the industrial revolution.
Joe Barton stood up before God, everybody and Tony Hayward, CEO of British Petroleum, and apologized for the cruel and heartless way the Obama Administration has treated our oil company brothers. He lambasted the President for "shaking down" those poor, pure-hearted victims at BP who, after all, are as blameless as the pelicans and the shrimp in the Gulf. Drilling with untested methods at depths where accidents are virtually unfixable, sacrificing safety for speed (and profit) were all just regrettable mistakes. They said they were sorry. What more do we need?
Fortunately, America was spared Joe Barton's presence in Congress on Dec 8th. 1941. "Mr. Speaker, I rise today to condemn President Roosevelt's disgraceful response to the accidental discharge of military munitions on the Islands of Hawaii by the benevolent Empire of Japan. A declaration of war is clearly an overreaction to what was, without question, a miscalculation on the part of Japanese naval and air force personnel. The United States should apologize to the Japanese Government for attempting to shoot down Imperial planes who were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time." Of course this little flight of fancy presupposes the Japanese had been major campaign contributors.
The silver lining in Joe Barton's cloud is that we have, at long last, discovered the outer limits of Republican stupidity. The holy trinity of right-wing nuttiness, Sarah, Rush and Glenn, have been speechless. Even his own party has thrown Joe under the natural gas-powered bus. Joe Bonner, Republican of Alabama, called Congressman Barton's comments "stupid and insensitive" OUCH! When the guy from Alabama calls you stupid, that leaves a mark.
Faster than you can say drill baby drill, John Boehner and Eric Cantor were in Barton's office explaining the political facts of life to him. Boehner and Cantor are what pass for the brain trust in the GOP. They suggested an immediate un-apology to BP and a new apology to every man, woman, and child in Louisiana. Failure to comply would result in Joe being reassigned to a committee investigating the average depth and breath of cow pies in West Texas. Having stepped in one the size of Dallas, Mr. Barton would be something of an expert.
It should therefore come as no surprise that the people of Texas would elect as one of their representatives to Congress, this month's nominee for Asshat of the Year, Joe Barton. Joe comes to us from the sixth Congressional District, a lovely swath of nothing that gerry-meanders south and east of Dallas. Since 1984, when he replaced another Mensa candidate Phil Gramm, Joe has distinguished himself in two areas: he has sucked up more oil company money than Hugo Chavez and, (surprise, surprise) he has been a continuous speed bump on the road to energy independence and climate change legislation.
Normally his record of obstructionism would simply relegate Congressman Barton to the historical landfill to keep company with 200 years of other Republicans bought and paid for by mining companies, refinery operators, chemical manufacturers and other polluters and plunderers. However, Congressman Barton wasn't content to sit on the sidelines and reinforce our opinion of flat-earth certainists. Joe felt the need to grab the microphone on the morning of Thursday, June 17th and ensure his legacy as the worst toady for big business since the industrial revolution.
Joe Barton stood up before God, everybody and Tony Hayward, CEO of British Petroleum, and apologized for the cruel and heartless way the Obama Administration has treated our oil company brothers. He lambasted the President for "shaking down" those poor, pure-hearted victims at BP who, after all, are as blameless as the pelicans and the shrimp in the Gulf. Drilling with untested methods at depths where accidents are virtually unfixable, sacrificing safety for speed (and profit) were all just regrettable mistakes. They said they were sorry. What more do we need?
Fortunately, America was spared Joe Barton's presence in Congress on Dec 8th. 1941. "Mr. Speaker, I rise today to condemn President Roosevelt's disgraceful response to the accidental discharge of military munitions on the Islands of Hawaii by the benevolent Empire of Japan. A declaration of war is clearly an overreaction to what was, without question, a miscalculation on the part of Japanese naval and air force personnel. The United States should apologize to the Japanese Government for attempting to shoot down Imperial planes who were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time." Of course this little flight of fancy presupposes the Japanese had been major campaign contributors.
The silver lining in Joe Barton's cloud is that we have, at long last, discovered the outer limits of Republican stupidity. The holy trinity of right-wing nuttiness, Sarah, Rush and Glenn, have been speechless. Even his own party has thrown Joe under the natural gas-powered bus. Joe Bonner, Republican of Alabama, called Congressman Barton's comments "stupid and insensitive" OUCH! When the guy from Alabama calls you stupid, that leaves a mark.
Faster than you can say drill baby drill, John Boehner and Eric Cantor were in Barton's office explaining the political facts of life to him. Boehner and Cantor are what pass for the brain trust in the GOP. They suggested an immediate un-apology to BP and a new apology to every man, woman, and child in Louisiana. Failure to comply would result in Joe being reassigned to a committee investigating the average depth and breath of cow pies in West Texas. Having stepped in one the size of Dallas, Mr. Barton would be something of an expert.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
...or should the Sunderland family be the new stars of Survivor...Somalia?
Abby Sunderland is home safe and sound. Ms. Sunderland was rescued from the Indian Ocean while attempting to become the youngest moron to sail around the world...alone...blindfolded...with one hand tied behind her...navigating only with a toothbrush...in an inner tube...whatever.
BFD.
OK maybe that's a little harsh but exactly who am I supposed to feel compassion for in this story? First let's talk about the parents. Someone please explain to me why Laurence and Maryanne Sunderland aren't in a cell next to balloon-boy asshat Richard Heene. When you use your children in dangerous stunts so you can be on cable TV (at least the Heene child wasn't actually in the balloon) you should get your wish; think America's Most Wanted. Think "Survivor" meets "Biggest Loser". These people are criminals. We don't give TV shows to wife beaters or sexually abusive parents. Why would we consider anything but jail time for people who send their 16 year old daughter into the Indian Ocean during the winter? Even Captain Jack Sparrow knows better than that.
Now the relieved parents are protesting the $300,000 tab being presented by the Australian government for rescuing sweet Abby. If she had been grabbed by Somali pirates the bill would have been considerably nastier...but think what a reality show that would have made.
I am mystified by the fixation with "youngest person ever to ...whatever". Most home runs in a major league season, I get. Longest number of minutes holding one's breath, maybe. Feats of daring performed by high school kids... no! Well maybe fastest unhooking of a bra in the backseat of a Chevy but that's it. If the nice people at the Guinness Brewing Co had known that their Book of Records (produced originally as a promotional item to settle bar bets) would become an excuse for child abuse, they more than likely would have opted for bar coasters instead. Face it, you don't know the name of the youngest player to ever play in the Majors or the youngest kid to climb Everest. "Youngest" records are a triviality that never merit more than a few lines in the morning paper...unless the kid is killed.
BFD.
OK maybe that's a little harsh but exactly who am I supposed to feel compassion for in this story? First let's talk about the parents. Someone please explain to me why Laurence and Maryanne Sunderland aren't in a cell next to balloon-boy asshat Richard Heene. When you use your children in dangerous stunts so you can be on cable TV (at least the Heene child wasn't actually in the balloon) you should get your wish; think America's Most Wanted. Think "Survivor" meets "Biggest Loser". These people are criminals. We don't give TV shows to wife beaters or sexually abusive parents. Why would we consider anything but jail time for people who send their 16 year old daughter into the Indian Ocean during the winter? Even Captain Jack Sparrow knows better than that.
Now the relieved parents are protesting the $300,000 tab being presented by the Australian government for rescuing sweet Abby. If she had been grabbed by Somali pirates the bill would have been considerably nastier...but think what a reality show that would have made.
I am mystified by the fixation with "youngest person ever to ...whatever". Most home runs in a major league season, I get. Longest number of minutes holding one's breath, maybe. Feats of daring performed by high school kids... no! Well maybe fastest unhooking of a bra in the backseat of a Chevy but that's it. If the nice people at the Guinness Brewing Co had known that their Book of Records (produced originally as a promotional item to settle bar bets) would become an excuse for child abuse, they more than likely would have opted for bar coasters instead. Face it, you don't know the name of the youngest player to ever play in the Majors or the youngest kid to climb Everest. "Youngest" records are a triviality that never merit more than a few lines in the morning paper...unless the kid is killed.
......or are the British adding new meaning to the word "slick"?
Still think British accents are sexy? Rumor has it that Geico is thinking of having the gecko speak with a German accent. "Saf money on kar insurance mit Geico". Hell, they could replace the gecko's voice with Gordon Geico and still antagonize fewer people. General Mills is contemplating a name change for Cheerios to aviod the Brit connection.
British Petroleum has single-handedly destroyed what it took Ronald Coleman and James Bond 75 years to build. Women swooned at the sound of Hugh Grant or Hugh Laurie. Now, between BP president Tony Hayward wanting his life back and board chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg oozing concern for the "small people", the Brits are about as popular around here as they were in 1775. Seriously, who is acting as BP's media consultant, Benny Hill?
America is really angry. Tragically, we should be angry at ourselves for remaining locked in a death dance with oil and the companies that supply it. Thirty two years after the Middle East embargo that had us lining up for a petrofix, nothing has been done to mitigate our gasoline jones. We are embarrassed and we should be. Everyone wants to blame someone but we all know where the real blame lies. Unfortunately, because self-evaluation has never been our strongest suit, we will blame the usual suspects: government, industry, regulations, lack of regulations; everyone but the pelicans...and, of course, ourselves.
Because political discourse is nothing if not ironic, the anti-government, anti-regulation crowd is screaming for government to fix the leak. Those with no actual responsibilities or solutions are excoriating the President for his inability to somehow make things right. Shocking! Those who proclaim "Obama's Katrina" are wrong. This is America's Chernobyl.
BTW If you think that's it's urban legend that BP has co-opted Google and Yahoo so that company approved sites come up first in a search, check it out. It's true.
__________________________________________________________________
British Petroleum has single-handedly destroyed what it took Ronald Coleman and James Bond 75 years to build. Women swooned at the sound of Hugh Grant or Hugh Laurie. Now, between BP president Tony Hayward wanting his life back and board chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg oozing concern for the "small people", the Brits are about as popular around here as they were in 1775. Seriously, who is acting as BP's media consultant, Benny Hill?
America is really angry. Tragically, we should be angry at ourselves for remaining locked in a death dance with oil and the companies that supply it. Thirty two years after the Middle East embargo that had us lining up for a petrofix, nothing has been done to mitigate our gasoline jones. We are embarrassed and we should be. Everyone wants to blame someone but we all know where the real blame lies. Unfortunately, because self-evaluation has never been our strongest suit, we will blame the usual suspects: government, industry, regulations, lack of regulations; everyone but the pelicans...and, of course, ourselves.
Because political discourse is nothing if not ironic, the anti-government, anti-regulation crowd is screaming for government to fix the leak. Those with no actual responsibilities or solutions are excoriating the President for his inability to somehow make things right. Shocking! Those who proclaim "Obama's Katrina" are wrong. This is America's Chernobyl.
BTW If you think that's it's urban legend that BP has co-opted Google and Yahoo so that company approved sites come up first in a search, check it out. It's true.
__________________________________________________________________
Thursday, June 03, 2010
...or could Isreal solve its problems by changing its name to East New Jersey?
If you ever wonder why the State of Israel has adopted a "go it alone we don't care what you think" foreign policy, check out the world reaction to the unfortunate shoot-out aboard the Marmara in the waters off Gaza on May 31.
Background: Since 2005 Israel, in compliance with the terms of the 1994 Oslo Accords, ceded administrative authority in Gaza to the Palestinian Authority. That would be Yassar Arafat's Palestinian Authority who spent better than 40 years trying to add Israel to the list of extinct countries. (America and Rand McNally disapproved.) Anyway, to express its gratitude for being given this semi-autonomous region all to themselves, the Palestinians responded by electing the single most radical violent government this side of North Korea: Hamas. That newly minted government immediately began lobing mortars and rockets into western Israel. Unwilling to accept the Hamas explanation that these were just fireworks in celebration of their new government, the Israelis sent in the Army (more about this later). Peace was restored (sort of) however the Israelis were concerned that governments hostile to Israel ( a list that includes about everyone except Lichtenstein) might try to supply the Hamas government with some new exploding greeting cards. That is why the Israelis have been blockading Gaza ports.
Fast forward to the events of May 31, 2010. A flotilla of "aid ships" attempts to run the Israeli blockade. Israel responds with commandos who repel onto the deck of the Marmara. Ship's crew takes dim view of uninvited guests. Using clubs and pipes they ask the commandos to leave. The commandos, armed with paint ball rifles but loaded side arms (don't ask me. I never shot a paintball.) respond to this poor hospitality by shooting 14 crewmen. The resultant worldwide response was akin to that of the Holocaust. (Oh, wait! There was no worldwide response to the Holocaust.)
Of particular interest is the response from places like Gaza, Russia and Iran. If these countries are not careful they will exhaust the world supply of irony. For any country like Iran to accuse Israel of "state sponsored terrorism" would be funny if it weren't said so seriously. The president of Bosnia likened the blockade to the siege of Sarajevo in 1992. The difference in loss of life was a mere 10,000 to 11. In Bosnia anything can be compared to the siege of Sarajevo.
The Secretary General of the United Nations, Ban Ki-moon, expressed "shock". Considering the thousands who die each year in senseless wars in Africa over issues no one understands, Ban mustn't be easily shocked. Honestly, the United Nations created the State of Israel in 1947 and has spent the 63 intervening years apologizing for the decision. In all the years of debate in both the General Assembly and the Security Council, nary a good word is ever uttered about a country whose entire neighborhood is determined to negate its existence. Now more than ever we see that the UN exists entirely to afford a peanut gallery of countries the opportunity to express their worthless useless opinions. What a waste of valuable East Side real estate.
There is little doubt that the death of nine crewmen aboard the Marmara was avoidable and Israel probably could have handled things differently but, the forced outrage by world leaders is not only outsized it's outlandish. What did we hear when 46 South Korean sailors were killed when their ship was torpedoed by a genuine bad actor Kim Jong Il? Nothing. What was the British government's response to the murder of 11 oil rig workers when BP ignored safety precautions resulting in their horrific deaths? Crickets! It appears that world outrage is very specific and situational. If you want to kiss the collective asses of the Muslim/Arab world, piss on Israel. If you want to show your Muslim minorities that you really, really care about them, piss on Israel. If you want to appeal to the anti-American faction in your country but don't wish to aggravate Uncle Sam (and lose those foreign aid dollars) piss on Israel.
France has been less than useless in the debate over Iran. Japan has been less than no help in the confrontation over N. Korea. All any of these countries can agree upon is that it's safe to condemn Israel for anything. If there is a Hebrew word for pinata is should be sewn into the Israeli flag.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
...or are you resisting buying an iPad because it's hard to fold on the subway?
How's that working out for ya...Vol II
Item
The first man ever to run for office, Og the cave man, campaigned on his discovery of fire; until his opponent pointed out that fire had been around long before Og. Og was soundly defeated. (Actual vote 8 to 4.).Exit polls revealed that none of the other cave men could believe that a politician could possible take credit for something that was so easily disproved. Fast forward to today.
Richard Blumenthal, Democratic Attorney General of Connecticut, is seeking the Senate seat about to be vacated by Chris Dodd. Because Blumenthal's chief rival is Linda McMahon, former president of World Wrestling Entertainment (possibly the perfect prep for politics) he was something of a lock. Ah, but that pesky New York Times, bastion of Liberal/Democratic thought, took a look at Atty. Gen. Blumenthal's military service record. It seems that Richard has been campaigning as a Vietnam veteran. Actually, Blumenthal's primary exposure to Southeast Asia was watching Apocalypse Now and Good Morning Vietnam. (In his defense, he saw each film more than once.) Having served in the Marine Corp. Reserve for six years, the closest he ever got to combat was the traffic on the Beltway and repelling the kiddies during Toys For Tots. The "General" in "Attorney General" doesn't make you George Patton.
America doesn't so much care if you served but we take a dim view of anyone who takes credit for service not performed. Even the wrestling lady can beat a creampuff.
Item
A British court has ruled that a law prohibiting men from wearing pants that expose their knickers is a violation of human rights. One might expect the law requiring baseball caps to be warn peak forward will meet the same fate. (No, there is no such law!) Face it! Teenagers spend countless hours in pursuit of fashion statements that will: a) look completely ridiculous, and b) annoy the bejeebers out of adults. Green hair, piercings, untied sneakers, spiked hair all send older people into fits of despair. Hello! Why do you think they do it? Go home, turn on Dancing With the Stars, take a Lunesta and get over it.
Note: It's not too late to add a mandatory dress code to the Republican Campaign Platform in Maine.
Item
On the subject of "banning" stuff, Florida was unable to pass a law prohibiting bestiality. You would have thought Florida could have passed a law banning sex entirely. It's not like anyone down there is young enough anyway. Opposition to the law came primarily from a Mr. Ewe Woolrich, President of Barnyard Love Evolves from Ethical Treatment or BLEET. As a compromise, no one in Florida is permitted to do it doggie-style.
Item
More banning. Kure Beach, North Carolina has banned vacationers from wearing thong bathing suits. "We weren't so much interested in restraining young American women as we were German men." said Mayor Dean Lambeth. "No one wants to see Fritz parading around wearing a marble sack."
The actual quote was "We're going to keep this as close to Mayberry with a beach as you can keep it." That's a good thing. No one wants to see Aunt Bea in a thong.
Item
An Australian cookbook publisher destroyed 7,000 copies of a recently printed book of recipes. It seems that the ingredents for one of the suggested concoctions included "salt and freshly ground black people". The destruction of the books was ordered when a possible sale to the National Tea Party Convention fell through. The Baggers were preparing to use the books as a premium item during Sarah Palin's keynote speech.
Item
The first man ever to run for office, Og the cave man, campaigned on his discovery of fire; until his opponent pointed out that fire had been around long before Og. Og was soundly defeated. (Actual vote 8 to 4.).Exit polls revealed that none of the other cave men could believe that a politician could possible take credit for something that was so easily disproved. Fast forward to today.
Richard Blumenthal, Democratic Attorney General of Connecticut, is seeking the Senate seat about to be vacated by Chris Dodd. Because Blumenthal's chief rival is Linda McMahon, former president of World Wrestling Entertainment (possibly the perfect prep for politics) he was something of a lock. Ah, but that pesky New York Times, bastion of Liberal/Democratic thought, took a look at Atty. Gen. Blumenthal's military service record. It seems that Richard has been campaigning as a Vietnam veteran. Actually, Blumenthal's primary exposure to Southeast Asia was watching Apocalypse Now and Good Morning Vietnam. (In his defense, he saw each film more than once.) Having served in the Marine Corp. Reserve for six years, the closest he ever got to combat was the traffic on the Beltway and repelling the kiddies during Toys For Tots. The "General" in "Attorney General" doesn't make you George Patton.
America doesn't so much care if you served but we take a dim view of anyone who takes credit for service not performed. Even the wrestling lady can beat a creampuff.
Item
A British court has ruled that a law prohibiting men from wearing pants that expose their knickers is a violation of human rights. One might expect the law requiring baseball caps to be warn peak forward will meet the same fate. (No, there is no such law!) Face it! Teenagers spend countless hours in pursuit of fashion statements that will: a) look completely ridiculous, and b) annoy the bejeebers out of adults. Green hair, piercings, untied sneakers, spiked hair all send older people into fits of despair. Hello! Why do you think they do it? Go home, turn on Dancing With the Stars, take a Lunesta and get over it.
Note: It's not too late to add a mandatory dress code to the Republican Campaign Platform in Maine.
Item
On the subject of "banning" stuff, Florida was unable to pass a law prohibiting bestiality. You would have thought Florida could have passed a law banning sex entirely. It's not like anyone down there is young enough anyway. Opposition to the law came primarily from a Mr. Ewe Woolrich, President of Barnyard Love Evolves from Ethical Treatment or BLEET. As a compromise, no one in Florida is permitted to do it doggie-style.
Item
More banning. Kure Beach, North Carolina has banned vacationers from wearing thong bathing suits. "We weren't so much interested in restraining young American women as we were German men." said Mayor Dean Lambeth. "No one wants to see Fritz parading around wearing a marble sack."
The actual quote was "We're going to keep this as close to Mayberry with a beach as you can keep it." That's a good thing. No one wants to see Aunt Bea in a thong.
Item
An Australian cookbook publisher destroyed 7,000 copies of a recently printed book of recipes. It seems that the ingredents for one of the suggested concoctions included "salt and freshly ground black people". The destruction of the books was ordered when a possible sale to the National Tea Party Convention fell through. The Baggers were preparing to use the books as a premium item during Sarah Palin's keynote speech.
Monday, May 17, 2010
...or is Rebuplicans the kwazist people?
The next time you're really bored, as in "I think I'll watch a rerun of George W. Bush's second inaugural speech" bored, take a stroll through the Republican Campaign Platform for the state of Maine. ( http://www.mainegop.com/PlatformMission.aspx )Maine doesn't make the news too much. Aside from Bush Sr.'s summer home in Kennebunkport, the Clay-Liston fight in 1964 and the recent prominence of Senator Olympia Snowe (Am I the only one who thinks Olympia Snowe looks like Ichabod Crane's kid sister?) Maine has remained a quiet bastion of Yankee moderation. There is, however, a quixotic nature to these cold weather nor-Easters. In 2006 the Green Party won 9% of the vote in the gubernatorial election. Sadly, most Americans would barely shed a tear if the entire state were traded to Quebec for season tickets to the Canadians.
What we didn't know was that under all that moderation is a state mad as hell and unwilling to take it anymore. Seriously, according to Republicans, Maine is so angry they are prepared to join with their states-rights compatriots in the South. We should have seen this coming. Ross Perot (remember him?) did better in Maine than any other state. Mainiacs, or whatever they call themselves, are apparently headed for the barricades of what they see as an insidious, over-reaching, liberal government. The list of grievances in the GOP platform would make you think that the Pine State had been relocated to central China or Myanmar.
The platform owes much of its rhetoric to the founding fathers. In fact if the estates of Jefferson or Madison were thinking of suing for copyright infringement, they would have a reasonably strong case. Phrases like "In the course of a nation's history..." and "we the people" might cause readers to wonder where they might have heard those words before. The good news for Republicans is that, given their ages, there's an even chance their members were around when the words were first written.
Maine is apparently besieged on all sides by the sinister forces of "one world Government" and opponents of "Austrian Economics" (For an explanation of Austrian Economics see http://mises.org/etexts/austrian.asp I'm not doing your homework for you!) There are firmly stated objections to several United Nations agencies, global treaties and any agreement that surrenders the sovereignty of America. Wow! Who would have guessed the Laws of the Sea Treaty and the Treaty on the Rights of the Child could stir the blood of the good people of Maine?
Domestically, the threats come in bunches. The Maine GOP is opposed to any attempt to restrict a citizen's right to own a gun. Mainers feel so strongly about this, it's mentioned twice. (Never mind that no attempt has been made by the administration or anyone else to confiscate so much as a single firearm and that every court decision in the recent past has supported the senseless and unnecessary ownership of guns. I guess you can never be too careful.) Maine's Republicans are also opposed to motor-voter laws, political correctness (Mainers like to call a spade a spade), amnesty ("ever") for illegals and (this is a new one!) any attempt to allow foreigners to vote. Man, there is some insidious s--t going on in Maine.
There are a string of anti-incumbent/term limit provisions along with a serious wish list of stuff elected officials can and can't do. These folks not only hate their elected officials they hate the people they haven't elected yet. There is actually a "read the bill" clause for congresspeople. No one mentions if there will be a test. Naturally, no gay marriage, no abortion, no bail-outs and no cap and trade (The document actually refers to the "global warming myth".) Yeses include: prayer in schools, zero based budgeting, and parental corporal punishment for children.
In an interesting nod to Ron Paul, patron saint of the Libertarian Right, Maine seeks to eliminate the Federal Reserve. All those who think the average Maine farmer has the slightest idea of the role of the Fed, signify by saying Yeah, right!
Maine's Republicans are particularly unhappy with the healthcare bill and the penalties for being uninsured. Taxes for Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare as well as federal income taxes don't seem to bother Mainers much but,healthcare has them pulling down Old Betsy from over the fireplace. "Healthcare is not a right. It's a service. Clearly the authors of this platform missed the "inalienable rights" of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" in their plagiaristic meandering.
How can a society that has been given so much be so unfeeling regarding the simplest effort to care for others?People who donate kidneys to strangers will leave the hospital to protest the concept of medical for all.
Maine's Republicans are right about one thing: we are under attack. We are under attack by people who see compassion as weakness. We are besieged by a relatively small but vocal group of scared, old people who want simple answers and Glenn Beck solutions. The complexion of America is changing. Securing the border (even if it were possible) won't change that. We have enemies; people who mean us harm. Shredding the Constitution will not stop attacks like Times Square and we need to stop acting and talking like it will. Wailing about your right to own a gun ignores the fact that too many people own guns and too many people die because of it. We need to stop hunting for ghosts under the mattress and stop listening to politicians who pander to our
basest fears. We're a big, strong country. We can tolerate a little chaos. What we can't tolerate is a return to Austrian Economics...whatever that is.
What we didn't know was that under all that moderation is a state mad as hell and unwilling to take it anymore. Seriously, according to Republicans, Maine is so angry they are prepared to join with their states-rights compatriots in the South. We should have seen this coming. Ross Perot (remember him?) did better in Maine than any other state. Mainiacs, or whatever they call themselves, are apparently headed for the barricades of what they see as an insidious, over-reaching, liberal government. The list of grievances in the GOP platform would make you think that the Pine State had been relocated to central China or Myanmar.
The platform owes much of its rhetoric to the founding fathers. In fact if the estates of Jefferson or Madison were thinking of suing for copyright infringement, they would have a reasonably strong case. Phrases like "In the course of a nation's history..." and "we the people" might cause readers to wonder where they might have heard those words before. The good news for Republicans is that, given their ages, there's an even chance their members were around when the words were first written.
Maine is apparently besieged on all sides by the sinister forces of "one world Government" and opponents of "Austrian Economics" (For an explanation of Austrian Economics see http://mises.org/etexts/austrian.asp I'm not doing your homework for you!) There are firmly stated objections to several United Nations agencies, global treaties and any agreement that surrenders the sovereignty of America. Wow! Who would have guessed the Laws of the Sea Treaty and the Treaty on the Rights of the Child could stir the blood of the good people of Maine?
Domestically, the threats come in bunches. The Maine GOP is opposed to any attempt to restrict a citizen's right to own a gun. Mainers feel so strongly about this, it's mentioned twice. (Never mind that no attempt has been made by the administration or anyone else to confiscate so much as a single firearm and that every court decision in the recent past has supported the senseless and unnecessary ownership of guns. I guess you can never be too careful.) Maine's Republicans are also opposed to motor-voter laws, political correctness (Mainers like to call a spade a spade), amnesty ("ever") for illegals and (this is a new one!) any attempt to allow foreigners to vote. Man, there is some insidious s--t going on in Maine.
There are a string of anti-incumbent/term limit provisions along with a serious wish list of stuff elected officials can and can't do. These folks not only hate their elected officials they hate the people they haven't elected yet. There is actually a "read the bill" clause for congresspeople. No one mentions if there will be a test. Naturally, no gay marriage, no abortion, no bail-outs and no cap and trade (The document actually refers to the "global warming myth".) Yeses include: prayer in schools, zero based budgeting, and parental corporal punishment for children.
In an interesting nod to Ron Paul, patron saint of the Libertarian Right, Maine seeks to eliminate the Federal Reserve. All those who think the average Maine farmer has the slightest idea of the role of the Fed, signify by saying Yeah, right!
Maine's Republicans are particularly unhappy with the healthcare bill and the penalties for being uninsured. Taxes for Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare as well as federal income taxes don't seem to bother Mainers much but,healthcare has them pulling down Old Betsy from over the fireplace. "Healthcare is not a right. It's a service. Clearly the authors of this platform missed the "inalienable rights" of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" in their plagiaristic meandering.
How can a society that has been given so much be so unfeeling regarding the simplest effort to care for others?People who donate kidneys to strangers will leave the hospital to protest the concept of medical for all.
Maine's Republicans are right about one thing: we are under attack. We are under attack by people who see compassion as weakness. We are besieged by a relatively small but vocal group of scared, old people who want simple answers and Glenn Beck solutions. The complexion of America is changing. Securing the border (even if it were possible) won't change that. We have enemies; people who mean us harm. Shredding the Constitution will not stop attacks like Times Square and we need to stop acting and talking like it will. Wailing about your right to own a gun ignores the fact that too many people own guns and too many people die because of it. We need to stop hunting for ghosts under the mattress and stop listening to politicians who pander to our
basest fears. We're a big, strong country. We can tolerate a little chaos. What we can't tolerate is a return to Austrian Economics...whatever that is.
Friday, May 07, 2010
...or should tasering replace the hook on American Idol?
People who could use a good tasering.
Guys who run out on baseball fields.
The boob who was tasered in Philadelphia last week for interrupting play so the world would know what a moron he was, got just what he deserved. Overweight security personnel should not have to chase this jackass around the outfield like it was the running of the bulls in Pamplona. In a perfect world the perp should have been tasered, de-pantsed and made to walk off the field. Now that's entertainment.
People who flog themselves in the name of Christ.
Self flagellation seems the exclusive purview of Catholics. Why is that? Where in Scripture does it say that Jesus will love you more if you make yourself bleed? The closest the Jews get to self inflicted pain is paying retail. (Being Presbyterian is punishment in itself.) Baptists, Methodists, Mormons all want to be closer to God but no one feels the need to run down to Nordstroms for a hair shirt. If you really feel the need to suffer, force yourself to watch 12 straight hours of Judge Judy.
Gov. Jan Brewer of Arizona
In case you were thinking of praising Gov. Brewer for focusing the country's attention on the deplorable job the federal government is doing on immigration, think again. In order to ensure there is no question about her racist motives, Gov. Brewer has signed a bill banning ethnic studies in Arizona schools. Apparently Latino students in some high schools were being told that they were an oppressed minority. DUH! This governor is about two signatures away from proclaiming "white's only" water fountains. How about a brown lawn jockey in front of the governor's mansion?
This "race to the radical right" is beyond disgraceful. John "build the damn fence" McCain (who opposed a border fence as recently as 2008) is desperately campaigning to everyone who will listen that brown people need to go. It's amazing that he hasn't brought back Willie Horton. Everyone was appalled when Texas whispered the word secession, but at this rate the Obama administration should be looking at selling Arizona back to Mexico. Hey, if we grant statehood to Puerto Rico, we don't have to change the flag.
Sarah Palin
True, general principles would be enough to taser Sister Sarah; it might even correct that annoying eye-twitch. However, adding insult to literary injury, the Quitter from Wacilla is planning to release yet another book. Titled "America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag" the volume will not contain a single word of new prose. (Sarah's first book did include many pages of original content...just not written by Sarah.) This book also will be entirely composed of the writings of others only this time the authors will be credited. The book will be a cross between "Chicken Soup for the Politically Challenged" and "Patriotism for Dummies". Presumably everyone who buys a copy will get a free insulin shot.
Publishers Harper Collins (owned by News Corp) has promised a wonderful compilation of bromides, anecdotes and even songs that were the inspiration for Sarah Palin's core beliefs and principles. This could prove challenging in that, based on her performance in interviews, Sarah has never read anything more compelling than "close cover before striking" on a book of matches. Predictably, wisdom such as "any job worth doing is worth doing well" and "always finish what you start" will be excluded. Maybe they can get Thomas Kincade to do the dust jacket.
Guys who run out on baseball fields.
The boob who was tasered in Philadelphia last week for interrupting play so the world would know what a moron he was, got just what he deserved. Overweight security personnel should not have to chase this jackass around the outfield like it was the running of the bulls in Pamplona. In a perfect world the perp should have been tasered, de-pantsed and made to walk off the field. Now that's entertainment.
People who flog themselves in the name of Christ.
Self flagellation seems the exclusive purview of Catholics. Why is that? Where in Scripture does it say that Jesus will love you more if you make yourself bleed? The closest the Jews get to self inflicted pain is paying retail. (Being Presbyterian is punishment in itself.) Baptists, Methodists, Mormons all want to be closer to God but no one feels the need to run down to Nordstroms for a hair shirt. If you really feel the need to suffer, force yourself to watch 12 straight hours of Judge Judy.
Gov. Jan Brewer of Arizona
In case you were thinking of praising Gov. Brewer for focusing the country's attention on the deplorable job the federal government is doing on immigration, think again. In order to ensure there is no question about her racist motives, Gov. Brewer has signed a bill banning ethnic studies in Arizona schools. Apparently Latino students in some high schools were being told that they were an oppressed minority. DUH! This governor is about two signatures away from proclaiming "white's only" water fountains. How about a brown lawn jockey in front of the governor's mansion?
This "race to the radical right" is beyond disgraceful. John "build the damn fence" McCain (who opposed a border fence as recently as 2008) is desperately campaigning to everyone who will listen that brown people need to go. It's amazing that he hasn't brought back Willie Horton. Everyone was appalled when Texas whispered the word secession, but at this rate the Obama administration should be looking at selling Arizona back to Mexico. Hey, if we grant statehood to Puerto Rico, we don't have to change the flag.
Sarah Palin
True, general principles would be enough to taser Sister Sarah; it might even correct that annoying eye-twitch. However, adding insult to literary injury, the Quitter from Wacilla is planning to release yet another book. Titled "America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag" the volume will not contain a single word of new prose. (Sarah's first book did include many pages of original content...just not written by Sarah.) This book also will be entirely composed of the writings of others only this time the authors will be credited. The book will be a cross between "Chicken Soup for the Politically Challenged" and "Patriotism for Dummies". Presumably everyone who buys a copy will get a free insulin shot.
Publishers Harper Collins (owned by News Corp) has promised a wonderful compilation of bromides, anecdotes and even songs that were the inspiration for Sarah Palin's core beliefs and principles. This could prove challenging in that, based on her performance in interviews, Sarah has never read anything more compelling than "close cover before striking" on a book of matches. Predictably, wisdom such as "any job worth doing is worth doing well" and "always finish what you start" will be excluded. Maybe they can get Thomas Kincade to do the dust jacket.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
...or would anyone like to apply for the firearms concession at GITMO?
"I don't think it's appropriate for us to go down the road we're going." Thus spake Lindsay Graham, Republican Senator from South Carolina. Sen. Graham's remarks were addressed to the Senate Homeland Security Committee regarding whether people who appear on the U.S. terrorist watch list should be legally permitted to purchase a gun. Anyone with an IQ in two digits is already appalled that a suspected terrorist can buy a gun anywhere any time. What sort of a dingbat society has such laws? Read on! The issue, called the "terror gap" in federal law, came to light when New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and New York Police Commissioner Ray Kelly were testifying pursuant to the attempted Times Square bombing. It seems that during the Bush/Cheney "let's shred the Constitution" party, held after 9-11, the only civil right left un-mutilated was the dubious right to purchase and own weapons of personal destruction.
That's right boys and girls, your phone can be tapped, your library habits investigated, your internet preferences monitored, your right to fly revoked, your right to a lawyer questioned, your choice of friends checked out and your very liberty rescinded but God dammit you can buy a freekin' gun. What brand of twisted, insane logic permits an American citizen to be stripped of virtually every freedom guaranteed by the Constitution and 200 years of common law, save one? How was any lawmaker, standing in the ashes of the World Trade Center, able to craft a draconian bill like the Patriot Act, and exempt gun ownership from the list of prohibitions? One would expect a gutless wonder like John McCain to support "guns for terror suspects". Hell, he'd support guns for The Salvation Army if he thought it made him look Conservative. The rest of cognisant America has to see how ridiculous this looks.
Can you imagine standing in front of anyone, except the local chapter of the NRA, and explaining that, just because you are on the no-fly list shouldn't prohibit you from buying a semi-automatic weapon? The argument that no-fly lists are imperfect, inaccurate and poorly maintained is dishonest and insincere. Sen. Graham, along with his Republican brothers, are only too happy to wave the flag all day in defense of "American safety". If a few messy civil rights get in the way, so be it. Water-boarding? Fine. Stopping Latino men in Arizona to ask for papers? Great. Denying a terror suspect the chance to own a Glock? Not on my watch.
Sen. Joe Lieberman, always anxious to prove that tough and stupid aren't the same thing, has suggested revoking the citizenship of anyone suspected of aiding America's enemies. Can't have those annoying liberals crying about Miranda rights. Not when there's some good torture to be inflicted. You get the feeling Joe wants to replace Blackwater with Mossad. Sen. Lieberman would have been right at home during the auto de fe except he would have found himself on the business end of the branding irons. Joe, if you want to torture terrorists, I suggest singing to them.
Don't be surprised to learn that those "tough on terror" conservative senators experience the true meaning of terror when the NRA threatens to withdraw support (and campaign contributions) from anyone who votes to limit gun ownership. I mean, keeping America safe is one thing but keeping my job/pension/staff/invitations to cool parties/ is the bedrock of our democracy. Anyway, who cares if the Times Square Bomber bought a gun in Connecticut? It's not like he checked out a suspicious library book.
That's right boys and girls, your phone can be tapped, your library habits investigated, your internet preferences monitored, your right to fly revoked, your right to a lawyer questioned, your choice of friends checked out and your very liberty rescinded but God dammit you can buy a freekin' gun. What brand of twisted, insane logic permits an American citizen to be stripped of virtually every freedom guaranteed by the Constitution and 200 years of common law, save one? How was any lawmaker, standing in the ashes of the World Trade Center, able to craft a draconian bill like the Patriot Act, and exempt gun ownership from the list of prohibitions? One would expect a gutless wonder like John McCain to support "guns for terror suspects". Hell, he'd support guns for The Salvation Army if he thought it made him look Conservative. The rest of cognisant America has to see how ridiculous this looks.
Can you imagine standing in front of anyone, except the local chapter of the NRA, and explaining that, just because you are on the no-fly list shouldn't prohibit you from buying a semi-automatic weapon? The argument that no-fly lists are imperfect, inaccurate and poorly maintained is dishonest and insincere. Sen. Graham, along with his Republican brothers, are only too happy to wave the flag all day in defense of "American safety". If a few messy civil rights get in the way, so be it. Water-boarding? Fine. Stopping Latino men in Arizona to ask for papers? Great. Denying a terror suspect the chance to own a Glock? Not on my watch.
Sen. Joe Lieberman, always anxious to prove that tough and stupid aren't the same thing, has suggested revoking the citizenship of anyone suspected of aiding America's enemies. Can't have those annoying liberals crying about Miranda rights. Not when there's some good torture to be inflicted. You get the feeling Joe wants to replace Blackwater with Mossad. Sen. Lieberman would have been right at home during the auto de fe except he would have found himself on the business end of the branding irons. Joe, if you want to torture terrorists, I suggest singing to them.
Don't be surprised to learn that those "tough on terror" conservative senators experience the true meaning of terror when the NRA threatens to withdraw support (and campaign contributions) from anyone who votes to limit gun ownership. I mean, keeping America safe is one thing but keeping my job/pension/staff/invitations to cool parties/ is the bedrock of our democracy. Anyway, who cares if the Times Square Bomber bought a gun in Connecticut? It's not like he checked out a suspicious library book.
Monday, May 03, 2010
...or is a Church with too many secret societies bound to have too many secrets?
In what appears to be an earnest effort to (finally) get ahead of the sexual abuse scandal in his Church, Pope Benedict XVI is moving to clean up at least one aspect of ecclesiastic criminal conduct. The Pope has ordered an investigation into the administration of a sub-sect in Catholicism called the Legion of Christ. Turns out that this nest of uber-Catholics was founded and led by Father Marcial Maciel Degollado, a Mexican bi-sexual priest with a string of offenses that would make a cartel druglord blush. His list of mortal sins includes: drug abuse, the wholesale plagiarism of a book, financial irregularities within his organization and, the ever popular, sex with both seminarians and female members of his flock. (For bonus points, he had a child by one of them.) On the plus side, he did give up sweets for Lent.
This little episode didn't surface recently amid global tales of clerical transgression. Father Macial's peccadillos have been under investigation since 1956. That's 54 years. Allowing for the glacial movement of the wheels of justice, this is the equivalent of holding the Nuremberg trials in 2002. If you're wondering what was holding up the show, look no further than the usual suspects. It seems that Father Macial had a friend in a very high place. Before Pope John Paul II went knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door, he spent twenty years defending this despicable felon. Apparently the ability to recruit priests (with the offer of candy and a ride in the pope-mobile) and his ability to raise money, trumped morality and obedience to one's vows. When an investigation was launched by the bishop of Mexico City, it was squelched by none other than Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger aka Benedict the sixteenth of that name. To be fair, there is a rumor afoot that the order to halt the investigation came directly from JPII. Little messy scandals like this are why a rush to sainthood for the former pope is such a bad idea.
Of greater concern to the Church should be the damage done to her already tattered reputation by the revelation of secret societies within the clergy and the laity. We aren't talking about religious orders of priests and nuns who operate in the open and whose good works are legion. However, super groups like Regnum Christi (a sub-sub set of Father Maciel's "Legion") and Opus Dei have amassed money and power behind closed doors. Rome has been thusfar unable to resist the lure of devout sub-groups with big money and backstage passes to the halls of influence. The RCC has been less tolerant of organizations like the Freemasons or the Oddfellows whose leadership Rome does not control.
The problem with anointing these over-the-top zealots is that, like all poor sinners, they have feet of clay. Revelations of financial misconduct or sexual dalliance among its leaders taint not just the group but Mother Church as well. Considering that Rome has spent 50 years attempting to perfume the smell coming from the Legion of Christ, it becomes difficult to plead ignorance.
Sadly, Benedict has not moved to disband the Legion. A symbiotic relationship stretching back through six pontificates is difficult to sever. Nevertheless it needs to happen. The Vatican must consult a dictionary for the meaning of "catholic". Mine says, "universal, involving all". This isn't Scientology. There aren't levels of devotion. There is no "my faith is stronger than your faith" test. If you're so inclined, become a priest or a nun or a deacon. Forget secret societies and secret handshakes. Nothing good ever comes of meetings held in the dark.
This little episode didn't surface recently amid global tales of clerical transgression. Father Macial's peccadillos have been under investigation since 1956. That's 54 years. Allowing for the glacial movement of the wheels of justice, this is the equivalent of holding the Nuremberg trials in 2002. If you're wondering what was holding up the show, look no further than the usual suspects. It seems that Father Macial had a friend in a very high place. Before Pope John Paul II went knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door, he spent twenty years defending this despicable felon. Apparently the ability to recruit priests (with the offer of candy and a ride in the pope-mobile) and his ability to raise money, trumped morality and obedience to one's vows. When an investigation was launched by the bishop of Mexico City, it was squelched by none other than Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger aka Benedict the sixteenth of that name. To be fair, there is a rumor afoot that the order to halt the investigation came directly from JPII. Little messy scandals like this are why a rush to sainthood for the former pope is such a bad idea.
Of greater concern to the Church should be the damage done to her already tattered reputation by the revelation of secret societies within the clergy and the laity. We aren't talking about religious orders of priests and nuns who operate in the open and whose good works are legion. However, super groups like Regnum Christi (a sub-sub set of Father Maciel's "Legion") and Opus Dei have amassed money and power behind closed doors. Rome has been thusfar unable to resist the lure of devout sub-groups with big money and backstage passes to the halls of influence. The RCC has been less tolerant of organizations like the Freemasons or the Oddfellows whose leadership Rome does not control.
The problem with anointing these over-the-top zealots is that, like all poor sinners, they have feet of clay. Revelations of financial misconduct or sexual dalliance among its leaders taint not just the group but Mother Church as well. Considering that Rome has spent 50 years attempting to perfume the smell coming from the Legion of Christ, it becomes difficult to plead ignorance.
Sadly, Benedict has not moved to disband the Legion. A symbiotic relationship stretching back through six pontificates is difficult to sever. Nevertheless it needs to happen. The Vatican must consult a dictionary for the meaning of "catholic". Mine says, "universal, involving all". This isn't Scientology. There aren't levels of devotion. There is no "my faith is stronger than your faith" test. If you're so inclined, become a priest or a nun or a deacon. Forget secret societies and secret handshakes. Nothing good ever comes of meetings held in the dark.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
...or were you as shocked as I to learn that people in Alabama speak English?
Is that what that is? Well steal my Moonpie and call me a possum!
Tim James, redneck extraordinaire and would be Republican Governor of Alabama has become the darling of Youtube this week with his campaign ad trashing (or maybe trashin') the government of Alabama for administering the driver's license exam in 12 languages. For those of you that care, some of those languages include Greek, Korean, Farsi (spoken mostly in Iran. I guess Alabama doesn't want those suicide bombers to get a summons) Russian, Chinese and Thai. In other words, the language of every restaurant owner who isn't serving poke salad or collard greens.
Let's be serious. The reason Alabama administers the written test in multiple languages is to accommodate the foreign corporations that have built facilities there. The Germans working at the Mercedes plant in Vance, Alabama probably speak English better than the natives. Nevertheless, as a gesture of good will, these guest workers are permitted to express their knowledge of the rules of the road in their native tongue. Ditto for the Japanese in Lincoln and the Koreans in Montgomery. After all, we want those nice little folks at Honda and Hyundai to experience southern hospitality. I'm too lazy to determine why Farsi is among the privileged but I'm pretty sure it's not altruism or a neighborly hand extended to our Muslim brothers. There's a buck in there somewhere.
All of this is newsworthy (normally no one gives a rat's ass which goober is currently running Alabama) because of the novel, if slightly racist, legislation enacted by the State of Arizona. The government of the Grand Canyon State has taken 1 + 1 and gotten 11. One, the problems of porous borders and unenforced federal laws should not fall to the individual states to correct or subsidize. Two, someone needed to do something to kick Washington in the ass and force them to act. However, "where are your papers?" is a cliche better left in 1940's film noir. Requiring people who "look like they don't belong in America" to show proof of legal status is not the answer.
And please don't tell me this isn't racial profiling. The cops in Phoenix won't be detaining a samurai warrior in armour or a yodeling gentleman in lederhosen. However if your skin is tanned and you're wearing an old ball cap and flannel shirt expect the constabulary to take an interest. Can you imagine the ironic laughter among the 120,000 0r so Navajo living in the state? They're thinking that if they had adopted this policy 200 years ago, they'd own downtown Phoenix instead of a pile of rocks in the Mojave.
Laws like Arizona's are just the latest salvo in the culture war that has intensified with the election of an African American. People shouting about the loss of American Culture would have been right at home in Boston in 1880 railing against the Irish hordes pouring into New England or in Miami wailing over the Mariel Boatlift of Cubans in 1980. Considering the immigrant makeup of our population, America's terror regarding aliens is troubling. The prospective governor of Alabama could care less that driver's tests are given in French. This is about Spanish. "Real Americans" who think the war against their own government in 1860 was perfectly nifty, feel somehow threatened by bilingual signs in Walmart. Relax! Have a Bud, (currently owned by Imbev of Belgium). Take a ride in your Chevy (assembled in Mexico). Just remember if you like to dress up as a Venetian Gondola pilot, stay out of Flagstaff. Oh, by the way, you won't get a license in Alabama either. Italian isn't one of the languages.
Tim James, redneck extraordinaire and would be Republican Governor of Alabama has become the darling of Youtube this week with his campaign ad trashing (or maybe trashin') the government of Alabama for administering the driver's license exam in 12 languages. For those of you that care, some of those languages include Greek, Korean, Farsi (spoken mostly in Iran. I guess Alabama doesn't want those suicide bombers to get a summons) Russian, Chinese and Thai. In other words, the language of every restaurant owner who isn't serving poke salad or collard greens.
Let's be serious. The reason Alabama administers the written test in multiple languages is to accommodate the foreign corporations that have built facilities there. The Germans working at the Mercedes plant in Vance, Alabama probably speak English better than the natives. Nevertheless, as a gesture of good will, these guest workers are permitted to express their knowledge of the rules of the road in their native tongue. Ditto for the Japanese in Lincoln and the Koreans in Montgomery. After all, we want those nice little folks at Honda and Hyundai to experience southern hospitality. I'm too lazy to determine why Farsi is among the privileged but I'm pretty sure it's not altruism or a neighborly hand extended to our Muslim brothers. There's a buck in there somewhere.
All of this is newsworthy (normally no one gives a rat's ass which goober is currently running Alabama) because of the novel, if slightly racist, legislation enacted by the State of Arizona. The government of the Grand Canyon State has taken 1 + 1 and gotten 11. One, the problems of porous borders and unenforced federal laws should not fall to the individual states to correct or subsidize. Two, someone needed to do something to kick Washington in the ass and force them to act. However, "where are your papers?" is a cliche better left in 1940's film noir. Requiring people who "look like they don't belong in America" to show proof of legal status is not the answer.
And please don't tell me this isn't racial profiling. The cops in Phoenix won't be detaining a samurai warrior in armour or a yodeling gentleman in lederhosen. However if your skin is tanned and you're wearing an old ball cap and flannel shirt expect the constabulary to take an interest. Can you imagine the ironic laughter among the 120,000 0r so Navajo living in the state? They're thinking that if they had adopted this policy 200 years ago, they'd own downtown Phoenix instead of a pile of rocks in the Mojave.
Laws like Arizona's are just the latest salvo in the culture war that has intensified with the election of an African American. People shouting about the loss of American Culture would have been right at home in Boston in 1880 railing against the Irish hordes pouring into New England or in Miami wailing over the Mariel Boatlift of Cubans in 1980. Considering the immigrant makeup of our population, America's terror regarding aliens is troubling. The prospective governor of Alabama could care less that driver's tests are given in French. This is about Spanish. "Real Americans" who think the war against their own government in 1860 was perfectly nifty, feel somehow threatened by bilingual signs in Walmart. Relax! Have a Bud, (currently owned by Imbev of Belgium). Take a ride in your Chevy (assembled in Mexico). Just remember if you like to dress up as a Venetian Gondola pilot, stay out of Flagstaff. Oh, by the way, you won't get a license in Alabama either. Italian isn't one of the languages.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
...or do patriot groups think irony is how bullets taste?
Washington D.C. was awash in gun lovers yesterday. They were commemorating: a) the battle of Lexington and Concord, b) the seventeenth anniversary of the assault on the Branch Dividian compound in Waco, c) the fifteenth anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing, or d) the 67th anniversary of the Warsaw ghetto uprising. (This last commemoration is unlikely given the klanish nature of the groups involved.) Two groups convened around the Capital. One organized in Fort Hunt Park in Alexandria, the other mustered around the Washington Monument. (The First President never expressed a view on gun ownership but the lock and load crowd consider Washington one of them.)
The groups that assembled in the Capital were armed with signs, placards and silly Revolutionary War costumes. Had they arrived with guns,they would have been re-enacting the Boston Massacre with the DCPD in the role of the British. In Virginia the "Don't Tread On Me" brigade was armed to the teeth. The authorization for carrying guns into a national park was recently signed by (irony alert!) Barack Obama. This fact is lost on the "patriots" who are convinced that this President intends to confiscate all their toys. Like the Reagan administration, the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. has made no statement or suggested any legislation on guns, for or against.
Nevertheless every real , red-blooded, God-fearing, (read "white") American knows that a black, well educated, liberal, urban President is just waiting for his opportunity to sneak up on every gun owner in America and pour cement down the barrel of their Remington assault rifle. After all, any elected official willing to risk all of his political capital to guarantee that Americans would be able to secure decent medial care for their families, can't be trusted with anything as sacred as the Second Amendment.
All of this paranoia would be troubling if it weren't so illogical. Gun owners and tea-baggers rail continually about "taking the Country back". From who? Blacks? Liberals? The Elite? Well unless my calendar is faulty, that chance will come in 214 days. Voting for the candidate of your choice would appear more likely to effect change than waving your Smith & Wesson around a park in Alexandria. Gun owners appear ready to shot big holes in the very system of government they wish to preserve. America hasn't been taken over by Hugo Chavez. The current administration was voted into office by a citizenry sick to death of Republican lies and mismanagement. If your team lost, tough. You don't pick up a gun and attempt to manufacture reasons why the President is a socialist, or a fascist, or a Kenyan.
This approach was attempted in 1860 when South Carolina expressed its displeasure with the outcome of a presidential election. Four years and 600,000 dead later the South learned the error of its bellicose ways. (Actually secession was considered briefly in 1812 in of all places New England on the brink of the war with Britain. Nevertheless secession always sounds more likely when spoken with a Texas accent.) Now Oklahoma is considering organizing a militia to defend itself. From what I have no idea.
Everyone understands that frustration is rampant in the land. Many people feel that government is too large and too expensive. Taxes seem high and jobs are elusive. Logical arguments fall flat. Changes, even small changes, are scary. The past feels safe. No one goes to a tea party rally dressed as someone from the future. The old ways seem Comfortable and secure. Older white Americans sense something slipping away. A snake-oil salesman like JD Hayworth in Arizona can propose the "preservation of American Culture" (code for "let's keep the salsa off America's hotdogs")and not be condemned as a blatant racist.
A 240% increase in militia groups and a four-fold increase in gun purchases should tell us something. Take a chill pill, America. Stop helping Glen Beck get rich. Think for yourself. Go to a park...without a gun. If you don't like the direction in which the Country is going, pick up a phone not a weapon. Support a candidate. Standing around the Washington Monument in a tricorn hat with a gaggle of guys who think like you, only makes you look silly...even on Fox News.
The groups that assembled in the Capital were armed with signs, placards and silly Revolutionary War costumes. Had they arrived with guns,they would have been re-enacting the Boston Massacre with the DCPD in the role of the British. In Virginia the "Don't Tread On Me" brigade was armed to the teeth. The authorization for carrying guns into a national park was recently signed by (irony alert!) Barack Obama. This fact is lost on the "patriots" who are convinced that this President intends to confiscate all their toys. Like the Reagan administration, the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. has made no statement or suggested any legislation on guns, for or against.
Nevertheless every real , red-blooded, God-fearing, (read "white") American knows that a black, well educated, liberal, urban President is just waiting for his opportunity to sneak up on every gun owner in America and pour cement down the barrel of their Remington assault rifle. After all, any elected official willing to risk all of his political capital to guarantee that Americans would be able to secure decent medial care for their families, can't be trusted with anything as sacred as the Second Amendment.
All of this paranoia would be troubling if it weren't so illogical. Gun owners and tea-baggers rail continually about "taking the Country back". From who? Blacks? Liberals? The Elite? Well unless my calendar is faulty, that chance will come in 214 days. Voting for the candidate of your choice would appear more likely to effect change than waving your Smith & Wesson around a park in Alexandria. Gun owners appear ready to shot big holes in the very system of government they wish to preserve. America hasn't been taken over by Hugo Chavez. The current administration was voted into office by a citizenry sick to death of Republican lies and mismanagement. If your team lost, tough. You don't pick up a gun and attempt to manufacture reasons why the President is a socialist, or a fascist, or a Kenyan.
This approach was attempted in 1860 when South Carolina expressed its displeasure with the outcome of a presidential election. Four years and 600,000 dead later the South learned the error of its bellicose ways. (Actually secession was considered briefly in 1812 in of all places New England on the brink of the war with Britain. Nevertheless secession always sounds more likely when spoken with a Texas accent.) Now Oklahoma is considering organizing a militia to defend itself. From what I have no idea.
Everyone understands that frustration is rampant in the land. Many people feel that government is too large and too expensive. Taxes seem high and jobs are elusive. Logical arguments fall flat. Changes, even small changes, are scary. The past feels safe. No one goes to a tea party rally dressed as someone from the future. The old ways seem Comfortable and secure. Older white Americans sense something slipping away. A snake-oil salesman like JD Hayworth in Arizona can propose the "preservation of American Culture" (code for "let's keep the salsa off America's hotdogs")and not be condemned as a blatant racist.
A 240% increase in militia groups and a four-fold increase in gun purchases should tell us something. Take a chill pill, America. Stop helping Glen Beck get rich. Think for yourself. Go to a park...without a gun. If you don't like the direction in which the Country is going, pick up a phone not a weapon. Support a candidate. Standing around the Washington Monument in a tricorn hat with a gaggle of guys who think like you, only makes you look silly...even on Fox News.
Monday, April 19, 2010
...or did the Pope's proclamation in Malta during the volcanic eruption still only amount to a half-ash job?
Pope Benedict XVI flew to the island country of Malta last weekend to celebrate the 1,950th anniversary of Saint Paul's shipwreck in AD 60. Considering the current state of the Catholic Church in the United States and Europe, Benedict appears to be engineering his own shipwreck.
The Pope took the opportunity to visit, at length, with eight people sexually abused by the clergy. In a country roughly half the size of Chicago the Pope was able to find plenty of people who had been molested by his priests. Had he come to America he would have needed Madison Square Garden for the meeting.
During the Papal audience there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth. The Pope was "deeply moved by the stories of the victims and expressed shame and sorrow for their suffering". He has promised to refer all future cases of sexual abuse by priests to the civilian authorities. Benedict, hello...horses?...barn door?
Sadly all of this Papal hand-wringing comes a bit late in the game. The reason that past sins cannot be prosecuted is that bishops, cardinals and popes sat on the complaints until it was too late for the authorities to act. Not that places like Ireland would have acted anyway but at least someone in power in the Church could say they tried. Every decision made prior to last week's announcement was made to prevent any scandalous mud from splattering the white vestments of the Pope.
The world has every right to be suspicious of this ecclesiastical epiphany. There have, thus far, been no outing of pedophile priests; no bishops forced to resign; no cardinals in the stocks. There has been no announcement of a "defrocking list" to be published in Obsarvatore Romano. The first time the Church acts rather than reacts to a complaint of abuse, they might begin to rebuild their credibility. The Pope would do well to remember that in order to receive absolution in the Confessional one must promise to "go and sin no more".
The Pope took the opportunity to visit, at length, with eight people sexually abused by the clergy. In a country roughly half the size of Chicago the Pope was able to find plenty of people who had been molested by his priests. Had he come to America he would have needed Madison Square Garden for the meeting.
During the Papal audience there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth. The Pope was "deeply moved by the stories of the victims and expressed shame and sorrow for their suffering". He has promised to refer all future cases of sexual abuse by priests to the civilian authorities. Benedict, hello...horses?...barn door?
Sadly all of this Papal hand-wringing comes a bit late in the game. The reason that past sins cannot be prosecuted is that bishops, cardinals and popes sat on the complaints until it was too late for the authorities to act. Not that places like Ireland would have acted anyway but at least someone in power in the Church could say they tried. Every decision made prior to last week's announcement was made to prevent any scandalous mud from splattering the white vestments of the Pope.
The world has every right to be suspicious of this ecclesiastical epiphany. There have, thus far, been no outing of pedophile priests; no bishops forced to resign; no cardinals in the stocks. There has been no announcement of a "defrocking list" to be published in Obsarvatore Romano. The first time the Church acts rather than reacts to a complaint of abuse, they might begin to rebuild their credibility. The Pope would do well to remember that in order to receive absolution in the Confessional one must promise to "go and sin no more".
...or do hockey and basketball playoffs take longer than the healthcare debate?
Things that take too long:
Baseball games- especially the televised Yankee v. Red Sox games...of which there are 67. Yankees v. Mets comprise the other 95 on the Yankee schedule. They take too long, too.
Playoffs in hockey and basketball. Playoffs that start in April should not end in June. The fact that there are franchises in cities that have only two traffic lights (Oklahoma City? Columbus? San Jose?)adds to the tedium. These playoffs go on longer than the first Gulf War. Between the NHL and the NBA there are 16 different playoffs in progress. By the time a winner is crowned in either sport, the Supreme Court will have nine judges again; Congress will have recessed and come back eight times and Jay Leno will have left and returned to the Tonight Show...twice.
The pending trial of Rod Blagojevich. Nothing short of a judicial tsunami is going to get this annoying hair-ball off the stage. I'll pay for the trial myself. Just put this creep in a cell.
Tom Hanks' HBO specials. Clearly Mr. Hanks wishes to show us the interminable nature of the War in the Pacific by dragging us through interminable television, one hour at a time. The battle scenes are gripping but the story lines are hard to follow. Using virtually unknown actors has advantages but with everyone wearing helmets, covered in mud and smoking it can be difficult to keep the characters straight. War isn't just hell; it's hell to produce.
The trial of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. Civil trial? Military tribunal? Straight to a firing squad? Hell, try him in front of Judge Judy, just try him! Then we can all sing America the Beautiful and pack this vermin off to Florence, CO where he can occupy the Gotti Suite for the remainder of his life. Also, get him a new mug shot. There are children watching.
The closing of GITMO. There are estimated to be 193 prisoners still in Cuba. Send four to every state. Problem solved.
Healthcare. So we passed the bill, the tea baggers expressed intelligent rebuttal (ensuring that they spelled "nigger" and "Hitler"correctly on their placards) and now; what? No insurance until 2012? Well, I'll see if I can get granny to hold out that long.
The political effects of the healthcare legislation will be the same whether it starts today, tomorrow or in two years so why not roll it out now? At least the morons holding Joker signs on the National Mall would have a chance to see how it works before condemning the congresspeople who voted for its passage. That would, however, require some logic which is tragically incompatible with hysterical spitting and sign waving. Never mind!
Baseball games- especially the televised Yankee v. Red Sox games...of which there are 67. Yankees v. Mets comprise the other 95 on the Yankee schedule. They take too long, too.
Playoffs in hockey and basketball. Playoffs that start in April should not end in June. The fact that there are franchises in cities that have only two traffic lights (Oklahoma City? Columbus? San Jose?)adds to the tedium. These playoffs go on longer than the first Gulf War. Between the NHL and the NBA there are 16 different playoffs in progress. By the time a winner is crowned in either sport, the Supreme Court will have nine judges again; Congress will have recessed and come back eight times and Jay Leno will have left and returned to the Tonight Show...twice.
The pending trial of Rod Blagojevich. Nothing short of a judicial tsunami is going to get this annoying hair-ball off the stage. I'll pay for the trial myself. Just put this creep in a cell.
Tom Hanks' HBO specials. Clearly Mr. Hanks wishes to show us the interminable nature of the War in the Pacific by dragging us through interminable television, one hour at a time. The battle scenes are gripping but the story lines are hard to follow. Using virtually unknown actors has advantages but with everyone wearing helmets, covered in mud and smoking it can be difficult to keep the characters straight. War isn't just hell; it's hell to produce.
The trial of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. Civil trial? Military tribunal? Straight to a firing squad? Hell, try him in front of Judge Judy, just try him! Then we can all sing America the Beautiful and pack this vermin off to Florence, CO where he can occupy the Gotti Suite for the remainder of his life. Also, get him a new mug shot. There are children watching.
The closing of GITMO. There are estimated to be 193 prisoners still in Cuba. Send four to every state. Problem solved.
Healthcare. So we passed the bill, the tea baggers expressed intelligent rebuttal (ensuring that they spelled "nigger" and "Hitler"correctly on their placards) and now; what? No insurance until 2012? Well, I'll see if I can get granny to hold out that long.
The political effects of the healthcare legislation will be the same whether it starts today, tomorrow or in two years so why not roll it out now? At least the morons holding Joker signs on the National Mall would have a chance to see how it works before condemning the congresspeople who voted for its passage. That would, however, require some logic which is tragically incompatible with hysterical spitting and sign waving. Never mind!
Monday, April 12, 2010
...or is Governor McDonnell planning to run on the Jim Crow ticket?
The Party of No appears to be degenerating into the party of No, Really? Thanks to Bob McDonnell, the GOP's newest asshat, Virginia is being transformed from a cosmopolitan urban center to a suburb of Hattiesburg, Mississippi. The new governor is attempting to prove that, even in 2010, it's possible to be an insensitive bigot. Lester Maddox and George Wallace would have been proud.
Following his colossally tone-deaf reintroduction of April as Confederacy Month in Virginia, Governor Retro has involved himself in the legislative effort to restore voting rights to non-violent felons. During the 2008 election, in order to persuade a few black people in Norfolk and Hampton Roads to vote for him, McDonnell ran on a promise to restore voting rights to non- violent offenders. Currently Virginia and Kentucky are the only states that don't automatically restore those rights upon completion of sentence. An appeal to and approval of the governor is required.
McDonnell has decided that before you get the right to vote again you will be required to submit an essay on your contribution to society since your release. (If McDonnell were required to submit such a term paper, his right to vote would vaporize.) This Jim Crow-like restriction is being vilified for what it is, a roadblock to the restoration of voting rights to predominately black citizens. Whether you think felons should be allowed to vote or not is irrelevant. What matters is that McDonnell is singlehandedly towing Virginia into the arms of Southern, Conservative, Tea Party rednecks. We get it; Virginia is a Southern State. It's not necessary to segregate water fountains to underscore the point.
But wait...another state is heard from. Haley Barbour, Governor of Mississippi has weighed in (and his weight is considerable) to defend McDonnell. As a bastion of civil rights and progressive thinking, we all need to be taking our cue on equality from Mississippi. Barbour, whose entire exposure to slavery appears to be a slavish devotion to donuts, thinks that ignoring slavery is just fine. Why Southern politicians continue to treat ignorance as a point of pride is a constant wonder.
Anyway, no one should be surprised if Governor McDonnell continues to drag Virginia down this path to antibellum bliss. Remember, Virginia Governors can only serve one term so no reelection worries for Old Bob. How about a poll tax? Hey, we have to balance the budget somehow. Maybe a minstral show in Richmond? Don't be shocked to see Governor McDonnell reintroduce miscegenation laws prohibiting interracial marriage. After all, that law was only changed in 1967. The ink is barely dry.
Following his colossally tone-deaf reintroduction of April as Confederacy Month in Virginia, Governor Retro has involved himself in the legislative effort to restore voting rights to non-violent felons. During the 2008 election, in order to persuade a few black people in Norfolk and Hampton Roads to vote for him, McDonnell ran on a promise to restore voting rights to non- violent offenders. Currently Virginia and Kentucky are the only states that don't automatically restore those rights upon completion of sentence. An appeal to and approval of the governor is required.
McDonnell has decided that before you get the right to vote again you will be required to submit an essay on your contribution to society since your release. (If McDonnell were required to submit such a term paper, his right to vote would vaporize.) This Jim Crow-like restriction is being vilified for what it is, a roadblock to the restoration of voting rights to predominately black citizens. Whether you think felons should be allowed to vote or not is irrelevant. What matters is that McDonnell is singlehandedly towing Virginia into the arms of Southern, Conservative, Tea Party rednecks. We get it; Virginia is a Southern State. It's not necessary to segregate water fountains to underscore the point.
But wait...another state is heard from. Haley Barbour, Governor of Mississippi has weighed in (and his weight is considerable) to defend McDonnell. As a bastion of civil rights and progressive thinking, we all need to be taking our cue on equality from Mississippi. Barbour, whose entire exposure to slavery appears to be a slavish devotion to donuts, thinks that ignoring slavery is just fine. Why Southern politicians continue to treat ignorance as a point of pride is a constant wonder.
Anyway, no one should be surprised if Governor McDonnell continues to drag Virginia down this path to antibellum bliss. Remember, Virginia Governors can only serve one term so no reelection worries for Old Bob. How about a poll tax? Hey, we have to balance the budget somehow. Maybe a minstral show in Richmond? Don't be shocked to see Governor McDonnell reintroduce miscegenation laws prohibiting interracial marriage. After all, that law was only changed in 1967. The ink is barely dry.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
...or when it comes to coal mine safety, do miners always get the shaft?
Item
Face it, we never think of the people who do scary, difficult jobs until there is a tragedy. No one worries about the electrical worker climbing a utility pole in a snow storm until one of them is either electrocuted or falls to his death. Police officers and firefighters rarely invade public consciousness until the performance of their duty results in the loss of a life. The same is true of miners. The 29 men killed at the Big Branch Mine in Montcoal, West Virginia would otherwise have lived and died doing a dirty, dangerous unpleasant job in complete anonymity. Now, in the aftermath of a predictable, unnecessary mine explosion, these miners will become symbols of the unsafe and deplorable conditions of the Massey Mining Company's operation. In a week, no one will care...again.
Mine safety is something everyone assumes is a given. Hell, it's 2010. The company store that Tennessee Ernie Ford sang about owing his soul to, is history. Children are no longer sent into the mines to sort coal. Black lung disease isn't the scourge it once was. We don't even endanger canaries anymore, right? Wrong.
Coal mines are not safe. They are not even reasonably safe. Conditions may be better than in 1900 but that is like suggesting that, because the Chinese have stopped chaining factory exit doors, conditions are now tolerable. Coal mines are dangerous because companies like Masey Coal have determined that it's cheaper to protest citations and delay safety improvements than take the costly action necessary to comply with regulations. The penalties for violations are so inconsequential that adhering to safety guidelines is unprofitable and consequently unthinkable. In their black little hearts, they mutter, "what's the big deal? They're just miners. We can always get more."
In a sane world, the fine for permitting unsafe methane build-ups in a coal mine should exceed that for allowing your dog to poop on the streets of New York. If a mechanic knowingly and repeatedly installs faulty brakes or tires on customers' cars, he will be prosecuted. If your neighborhood daycare center encloses their property with barbed wire, the full weight of the legal process will be brought to bear. However, if you run a dangerous business in an area of America where no other employment exists, your workers are prisoners and victims. You can always threaten to shut the mine down leaving your workers with the Hobson's choice of fear of their job or fear of no job. You can hide your unsafe enterprise easily because the New York Times rarely ventures into southern West Virginia. It's the perfect place to exploit people.
So Montcoal, West Virginia will bury their dead and life will continue in the mines. (The irony of spending a week digging the bodies out of the mine so they can be buried is lost on the owners and managers of Massey Coal.) Governor Joe Manchin of West Virginia will be reminded how important the coal industry is to a state where few other industries exist. Coal operators will promise change. State and federal authorities will demand compliance with regulation. The miners will shake their heads, grab their hard hats and return to the pit. In coal country no one's hands are clean for very long.
Face it, we never think of the people who do scary, difficult jobs until there is a tragedy. No one worries about the electrical worker climbing a utility pole in a snow storm until one of them is either electrocuted or falls to his death. Police officers and firefighters rarely invade public consciousness until the performance of their duty results in the loss of a life. The same is true of miners. The 29 men killed at the Big Branch Mine in Montcoal, West Virginia would otherwise have lived and died doing a dirty, dangerous unpleasant job in complete anonymity. Now, in the aftermath of a predictable, unnecessary mine explosion, these miners will become symbols of the unsafe and deplorable conditions of the Massey Mining Company's operation. In a week, no one will care...again.
Mine safety is something everyone assumes is a given. Hell, it's 2010. The company store that Tennessee Ernie Ford sang about owing his soul to, is history. Children are no longer sent into the mines to sort coal. Black lung disease isn't the scourge it once was. We don't even endanger canaries anymore, right? Wrong.
Coal mines are not safe. They are not even reasonably safe. Conditions may be better than in 1900 but that is like suggesting that, because the Chinese have stopped chaining factory exit doors, conditions are now tolerable. Coal mines are dangerous because companies like Masey Coal have determined that it's cheaper to protest citations and delay safety improvements than take the costly action necessary to comply with regulations. The penalties for violations are so inconsequential that adhering to safety guidelines is unprofitable and consequently unthinkable. In their black little hearts, they mutter, "what's the big deal? They're just miners. We can always get more."
In a sane world, the fine for permitting unsafe methane build-ups in a coal mine should exceed that for allowing your dog to poop on the streets of New York. If a mechanic knowingly and repeatedly installs faulty brakes or tires on customers' cars, he will be prosecuted. If your neighborhood daycare center encloses their property with barbed wire, the full weight of the legal process will be brought to bear. However, if you run a dangerous business in an area of America where no other employment exists, your workers are prisoners and victims. You can always threaten to shut the mine down leaving your workers with the Hobson's choice of fear of their job or fear of no job. You can hide your unsafe enterprise easily because the New York Times rarely ventures into southern West Virginia. It's the perfect place to exploit people.
So Montcoal, West Virginia will bury their dead and life will continue in the mines. (The irony of spending a week digging the bodies out of the mine so they can be buried is lost on the owners and managers of Massey Coal.) Governor Joe Manchin of West Virginia will be reminded how important the coal industry is to a state where few other industries exist. Coal operators will promise change. State and federal authorities will demand compliance with regulation. The miners will shake their heads, grab their hard hats and return to the pit. In coal country no one's hands are clean for very long.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
or does the small type hide the big stories?
America's fifty governors, in their capacity to create joy among their fixated constituents, declare commemorative days, weeks and months all the time. Several states have officially declared Dec. 7th as Pearl Harbor Day. In Illinois, September is Spinal Chord Injury Awareness Month. February is Sweet Potato Month in North Carolina and Fresh Tomato Month in Florida. State legislatures waste countless hours entertaining motions to declare Fluke Fishing Week, Kleptomaniac Awareness Month (Watch your wallet!) or, in places like Alaska, Don't Marry Your Sister Week. Governors sign this drivel to the great joy of the purveyors or fans of whatever is being proclaimed or honored.
If you take him at his word, the newly minted governor of Virginia, Bob McDonnell, was only trying to promote tourism and respect for the brave soldiers of the Commonwealth when he re-instituted Confederate History Month. Unfortunately, rather than appellations from the Sons of the Confederacy, Governor McDonnell has received a shower of righteous manure from every corner of America. It seems that in his desire to paint the Rebellion of thirteen southern states as the glorious response to Union tyranny, he omitted one teeny tiny aspect of the conflict, namely, the 400 year bondage of millions of black Africans. Slavery may have been an unpleasant, even inconvenient aspect of the Civil War but it is difficult to ignore.
The cynics among us might believe that this wholly unnecessary proclamation was issued entirely to remind Governor McDonnell's conservative base that, in spite of the ethnic circumstance of the current President, Virginia is still the good-ol-boy, red-neck, gun-loving backwater that it was before all those liberals in Fairfax County (Washington's tony suburb) started turning this red state purple. McDonnell has stopped short of declaring Jeff Davis' birthday a state holiday or adding the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy to the state flag but the message of this re-invigoration of honor for the rebellion is unmistakable: Virginia may look progressive and intelligent but we're still as backward as any Mississippi town sheriff.
Governor McDonnell's ham-handed attempt to paint Virginians as shoeless rubes notwithstanding, there remains the delicate issue of how to promote a healthy respect for the actors in the Civil War without glorifying their cause. How do you praise the character of Robert E. Lee and JEB Steuart without justifying the reason for the secession and subsequent conflict? Is it even possible to respect the courage and loyalty shown by thousands of fallen southern soldiers, most of whom never owned a slave? The rules for the conduct of the vanquished in the land of the victorious seem vague. It does, however, appear easy to determine when the rules are broken.
Although Civil War battles were fought from California to Florida to Pennsylvania, most of what Americans know of the Civil War took place in Virginia. The Confederacy established its Capital in Richmond. The first and last major land battles were fought there. Bull Run, Fredericksburg, the Wilderness, Petersburg, and The Crater all happened in The Old Dominion. Even Gettysburg and Antietam took place less than a hour's drive from the Potomac. Virginia was doing just fine as a tourist destination for Civil War enthusiasts before Governor McDonnell decided that, once again, the old wounds should be opened. In point of fact, Virginia was a reluctant partner in the rebellion. Virginia didn't actually secede until after Ft. Sumter and even then the Western counties remained loyal; hence the admission of West Virginia to the Union in June 1863. Virginia doesn't require a new Bill of Secession in order to persuade a few tourists to stop on their way down I-95 toward South of the Border.
Virginia was doing just fine as the neutral epicenter of a tragic episode in American history. The National Park Service maintains several of the battlefields without fanfare or flag-waving. The gift shops sell memorabilia from both sides. The heroism of Stonewall Jackson and the ineptitude of George McClellan are represented as equal parts of the history of America from 1861 -1865. No one needed to be reminded that there are still ignorant knotheads who harbor resentment over the war's outcome. No one with an IQ in two digits ever uttered the phrase "The South Will Rise Again".
There is nothing more sinister in American politics than pandering to the evil angels of our nature cloaked in the high-minded innocence of a well-intentioned mistake. Governor McDonnell knew exactly whose ass he was kissing when he issued his proclamation on Confederacy Month and it wasn't the hot dog vendor at the Bull Run Battlefield. McDonnell was reminding Virginians and the rest of the South that the days of Democratic Governors and blue state flirtations are over. Virginia is a Southern State, with all the racist, backward, tea-party assumptions that entails. Virginia may have elected the first black governor in 1990 but damn it, it's still the capital of the Confederacy...and we're not just whisltin' Dixie.
If you take him at his word, the newly minted governor of Virginia, Bob McDonnell, was only trying to promote tourism and respect for the brave soldiers of the Commonwealth when he re-instituted Confederate History Month. Unfortunately, rather than appellations from the Sons of the Confederacy, Governor McDonnell has received a shower of righteous manure from every corner of America. It seems that in his desire to paint the Rebellion of thirteen southern states as the glorious response to Union tyranny, he omitted one teeny tiny aspect of the conflict, namely, the 400 year bondage of millions of black Africans. Slavery may have been an unpleasant, even inconvenient aspect of the Civil War but it is difficult to ignore.
The cynics among us might believe that this wholly unnecessary proclamation was issued entirely to remind Governor McDonnell's conservative base that, in spite of the ethnic circumstance of the current President, Virginia is still the good-ol-boy, red-neck, gun-loving backwater that it was before all those liberals in Fairfax County (Washington's tony suburb) started turning this red state purple. McDonnell has stopped short of declaring Jeff Davis' birthday a state holiday or adding the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy to the state flag but the message of this re-invigoration of honor for the rebellion is unmistakable: Virginia may look progressive and intelligent but we're still as backward as any Mississippi town sheriff.
Governor McDonnell's ham-handed attempt to paint Virginians as shoeless rubes notwithstanding, there remains the delicate issue of how to promote a healthy respect for the actors in the Civil War without glorifying their cause. How do you praise the character of Robert E. Lee and JEB Steuart without justifying the reason for the secession and subsequent conflict? Is it even possible to respect the courage and loyalty shown by thousands of fallen southern soldiers, most of whom never owned a slave? The rules for the conduct of the vanquished in the land of the victorious seem vague. It does, however, appear easy to determine when the rules are broken.
Although Civil War battles were fought from California to Florida to Pennsylvania, most of what Americans know of the Civil War took place in Virginia. The Confederacy established its Capital in Richmond. The first and last major land battles were fought there. Bull Run, Fredericksburg, the Wilderness, Petersburg, and The Crater all happened in The Old Dominion. Even Gettysburg and Antietam took place less than a hour's drive from the Potomac. Virginia was doing just fine as a tourist destination for Civil War enthusiasts before Governor McDonnell decided that, once again, the old wounds should be opened. In point of fact, Virginia was a reluctant partner in the rebellion. Virginia didn't actually secede until after Ft. Sumter and even then the Western counties remained loyal; hence the admission of West Virginia to the Union in June 1863. Virginia doesn't require a new Bill of Secession in order to persuade a few tourists to stop on their way down I-95 toward South of the Border.
Virginia was doing just fine as the neutral epicenter of a tragic episode in American history. The National Park Service maintains several of the battlefields without fanfare or flag-waving. The gift shops sell memorabilia from both sides. The heroism of Stonewall Jackson and the ineptitude of George McClellan are represented as equal parts of the history of America from 1861 -1865. No one needed to be reminded that there are still ignorant knotheads who harbor resentment over the war's outcome. No one with an IQ in two digits ever uttered the phrase "The South Will Rise Again".
There is nothing more sinister in American politics than pandering to the evil angels of our nature cloaked in the high-minded innocence of a well-intentioned mistake. Governor McDonnell knew exactly whose ass he was kissing when he issued his proclamation on Confederacy Month and it wasn't the hot dog vendor at the Bull Run Battlefield. McDonnell was reminding Virginians and the rest of the South that the days of Democratic Governors and blue state flirtations are over. Virginia is a Southern State, with all the racist, backward, tea-party assumptions that entails. Virginia may have elected the first black governor in 1990 but damn it, it's still the capital of the Confederacy...and we're not just whisltin' Dixie.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
...or has The Wall Street Journal discovered the real criminal in the Catholic Church scandal?
Thank you Rupert Murdoch! Because of your tireless editorial contributors at The Wall Street Journal we now know where the real trouble with the Roman Church can be found. It's not the hundreds of pedophile priests roaming the sacristies of America and Germany (so far). It's not the institutional torture and abuse of generations of children in Ireland. It's not the bishops and cardinals who looked the other way to protect Mother Church from repeated accusations. It's certainly not Our Holy Father in Rome (bless yourself here) who showed compassion for a predator priest rather than the deaf children he mistreated. No, my friends, the real villain in the piece is...The New York Times.
As a result of a nifty bit of misdirection, William McGurn, sometime writer for the WSJ and full- time conservative abuse denier, has determined that the reporting of the Times is biased (well they're owned by Jews, be Jesus) and unfair to the Church he loves. He contends that Laurie Goldstein (note the name) left several inconvenient facts out of her report of the case of Father Murphy and the 200 abused, deaf children in the archdiocese of Milwaukee. Ms. Goldstein failed to report that the lawyer for the abused children has been suing the cassocks off the Catholic Church since these abuse allegations began to surface. I guess one man's crusader for justice is another man's ambulance (or possibly Popemobile) chaser. I'm not sure how Father Murphy's heinous crimes become less vile because his victims' lawyer has profited from RCC misdeeds.
McGurn also contends that, because Rome got the case thirty years after the fact, prosecution would have been difficult. Really? If The Vatican had a statute of limitations on crime, why are they still sneering at the Jews for killing Christ? Besides, it takes thirty years to do anything in the Catholic Church. Don't believe it? Ask someone trying to annul a marriage.
None of this matters worth a damn. The Church failed to act in the case of Father Murphy out of self preservation, period. Mr. McGurn can rearrange the deck chairs any way he likes, it won't change the destiny of the Church's ship. Rome has handled this mess shamefully. Given the opportunity to purge itself of this stain it has chosen instead to obfuscate and misdirect.
Rome's last/best hope to reclaim the moral high ground involves a Reverend Joseph Jeyapaul. Father Jeyapaul has been charged with two counts of first degree criminal sexual conduct in Greenbush, Minn. in 2004-2005 in connection with the alleged abuse of a 15 year-old girl. Father Jeyapaul is currently serving in Ootacamund, India and has no intention of returning to America to answer the charges. To keep Mr. McGurn happy, it should be noted that the plaintiff in the case is represented by Jeff Anderson, the lawyer involved in many of the other abuse cases.
If the Vatican is serious about its desire to reverse hundreds of years of ignored abuse, they will box Father Jeyapaul in a nice FedEx package and deliver him to Minnesota before you can say Pentecost Sunday. Rev. Jeyapaul may or may not be guilty but if the civil authorities in Greenbush are satisfied enough to indict, the Catholic Church must acquiesce. If Rome obstructs, you should expect a flood of indictments extending all the way back to the Chair of Peter. The Church would do well not to confuse infallibility with immunity.
As a result of a nifty bit of misdirection, William McGurn, sometime writer for the WSJ and full- time conservative abuse denier, has determined that the reporting of the Times is biased (well they're owned by Jews, be Jesus) and unfair to the Church he loves. He contends that Laurie Goldstein (note the name) left several inconvenient facts out of her report of the case of Father Murphy and the 200 abused, deaf children in the archdiocese of Milwaukee. Ms. Goldstein failed to report that the lawyer for the abused children has been suing the cassocks off the Catholic Church since these abuse allegations began to surface. I guess one man's crusader for justice is another man's ambulance (or possibly Popemobile) chaser. I'm not sure how Father Murphy's heinous crimes become less vile because his victims' lawyer has profited from RCC misdeeds.
McGurn also contends that, because Rome got the case thirty years after the fact, prosecution would have been difficult. Really? If The Vatican had a statute of limitations on crime, why are they still sneering at the Jews for killing Christ? Besides, it takes thirty years to do anything in the Catholic Church. Don't believe it? Ask someone trying to annul a marriage.
None of this matters worth a damn. The Church failed to act in the case of Father Murphy out of self preservation, period. Mr. McGurn can rearrange the deck chairs any way he likes, it won't change the destiny of the Church's ship. Rome has handled this mess shamefully. Given the opportunity to purge itself of this stain it has chosen instead to obfuscate and misdirect.
Rome's last/best hope to reclaim the moral high ground involves a Reverend Joseph Jeyapaul. Father Jeyapaul has been charged with two counts of first degree criminal sexual conduct in Greenbush, Minn. in 2004-2005 in connection with the alleged abuse of a 15 year-old girl. Father Jeyapaul is currently serving in Ootacamund, India and has no intention of returning to America to answer the charges. To keep Mr. McGurn happy, it should be noted that the plaintiff in the case is represented by Jeff Anderson, the lawyer involved in many of the other abuse cases.
If the Vatican is serious about its desire to reverse hundreds of years of ignored abuse, they will box Father Jeyapaul in a nice FedEx package and deliver him to Minnesota before you can say Pentecost Sunday. Rev. Jeyapaul may or may not be guilty but if the civil authorities in Greenbush are satisfied enough to indict, the Catholic Church must acquiesce. If Rome obstructs, you should expect a flood of indictments extending all the way back to the Chair of Peter. The Church would do well not to confuse infallibility with immunity.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
...or should the internet slow down so I can catch up?
Item
Jesse James has checked himself into a treatment center. Well, I for one am thrilled. Maybe now he'll get the help he needs. Just one question...Who the ----is Jesse James? OK, I know he's married to Sandra Bullock and he fixes motorcycles on Spike TV (viewership skewing to the incarcerated) but since when did Hollywood infidelity rate so much ink? If extra-marital groping among celebrities was this newsworthy, Charlie Sheen would have his own daily newspaper.
James appears to be of particular interest because 1) he's married to a recent academy award winner and 2) the woman he was canoodling has more writing on her body than the walls of a Spanish Harlem bodega.
I'm not a fan of tattoos. Presumably, a small discreet butterfly or a coyly placed rose is harmless enough but people who have turned their bodies into a LeRoy Neiman painting creep me out. Like excessive piercings, I just don't get it. The woman Mr. James is accused of shtupping is actually a walking billboard for tattoos...literally. Michelle McGee bills herself as a tattoo model. Presumably Jesse was just admiring the painting and wanted to get the full effect. After all, you don't look at the Mona Lisa with a thong across the lower half, do you?
I suppose it's unfair to judge a person merely because they have permanently turned their body into a billboard but ask yourself: do you want your heart surgeon to display the entire White House Rose Garden on his chest? Would you be freaked out by your child's second grade teacher if he had the New York Yankee team from 1927 inked across his back? Folks with elaborate tattoos are screaming "Look at Me. I'm strange. I like being stuck with inky needles by a person who needs to check the sign over the door avoid misspelling 'tattoo". So ask yourself: Do you want this freaky guy married to America's sweetheart? or Do you want this freak fixing your carburetor?
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Sarah Palin has a TV show. Boy, no one saw that coming. The show, called Real American Stories is apparently designed to distinguish itself from the Real Housewives of Wherever. None of those "fake" stories about people dying without healthcare for Sarah. (What do you want to bet that one of her "stories" involves a gun?) The plan is to highlight American Exceptionalism because as we all know, there are no exceptional Frenchmen or Dutchmen. The very idea of exceptional Russians or Chinese is laughable. Naturally, the show will appear on the Fox News Channel after such "exceptional" Americans as Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck. The motto of Fox News is "We Distort. You Decide".
Norman Podhoretz wrote a scary column in The Wall Street Journal this week comparing Sister Sarah to Ronald Reagan...favorably. Podhoretz describes Reagan as an unfocused, intellectual light-weight who became (according to Podhoretz) the second coming of George Washington. Reagan was, as history tells us, introduced to millions of Americans as host of Death Valley Days on TV in the 50's. It therefore seems only correct that Sarah Palin host a TV show to remind Americans that the uneducated, platitude-driven, amateurish, unqualified, dim-witted people of the country need a champion too. (Like Beck wasn't already doing that job.)
Although people are invited to "log on and tell their stories", it appears unlikely that the show will air the tale of a young boy, educated in Indonesia who, despite bi-racial parents and modest means, was able to work his way through Columbia University and Harvard Law to become a U.S. Senator and President of the United States. After all, the show is called "Real American Stories" and, well, you know, there is that birth certificate thing...
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Representative Paul Broun, a Georgia Republican (express shock here!) introduced a bill that would establish "Ten Commandments Weekend". Seriously, this man actually drafted a law which would "acknowledge that the U.S.'s national character was shaped by The Ten Commandments". The proposed law has run into a few roadblocks on the road to passage. Several Republicans, including David Vetter and John Ensign, object to the inclusion of the Sixth and Ninth Commandments as too restrictive and an affront to freedom. Several Democrats are troubled by the Seventh Commandment. Representative Charlie Rengal demands a broader definition of "steal". Several Texas congressmen want the Fifth Commandment altered to include the phrase "unless a gun is involved". More than one Conservative Congressman is troubled by "keeping holy the Lord's day" as a possible excuse for additional union-sponsored holidays. Even Sarah Palin, who hasn't let her lack of standing as an elected official stop her from bombarding us with her opinion, has an objection. "Well golly shucks, coveting your neighbor's goods is what made America great. Our capitalist system only exists because we want what our neighbors have...and more of it. Any other idea is just plain socialism."
Muttering in dismay, Representative Broun plans to withdraw his legislation in favor of a bill to install a plaque inscribed with the Second Amendment in every inner-city emergency room in America.
Jesse James has checked himself into a treatment center. Well, I for one am thrilled. Maybe now he'll get the help he needs. Just one question...Who the ----is Jesse James? OK, I know he's married to Sandra Bullock and he fixes motorcycles on Spike TV (viewership skewing to the incarcerated) but since when did Hollywood infidelity rate so much ink? If extra-marital groping among celebrities was this newsworthy, Charlie Sheen would have his own daily newspaper.
James appears to be of particular interest because 1) he's married to a recent academy award winner and 2) the woman he was canoodling has more writing on her body than the walls of a Spanish Harlem bodega.
I'm not a fan of tattoos. Presumably, a small discreet butterfly or a coyly placed rose is harmless enough but people who have turned their bodies into a LeRoy Neiman painting creep me out. Like excessive piercings, I just don't get it. The woman Mr. James is accused of shtupping is actually a walking billboard for tattoos...literally. Michelle McGee bills herself as a tattoo model. Presumably Jesse was just admiring the painting and wanted to get the full effect. After all, you don't look at the Mona Lisa with a thong across the lower half, do you?
I suppose it's unfair to judge a person merely because they have permanently turned their body into a billboard but ask yourself: do you want your heart surgeon to display the entire White House Rose Garden on his chest? Would you be freaked out by your child's second grade teacher if he had the New York Yankee team from 1927 inked across his back? Folks with elaborate tattoos are screaming "Look at Me. I'm strange. I like being stuck with inky needles by a person who needs to check the sign over the door avoid misspelling 'tattoo". So ask yourself: Do you want this freaky guy married to America's sweetheart? or Do you want this freak fixing your carburetor?
____________________________________________________________________
Item
Sarah Palin has a TV show. Boy, no one saw that coming. The show, called Real American Stories is apparently designed to distinguish itself from the Real Housewives of Wherever. None of those "fake" stories about people dying without healthcare for Sarah. (What do you want to bet that one of her "stories" involves a gun?) The plan is to highlight American Exceptionalism because as we all know, there are no exceptional Frenchmen or Dutchmen. The very idea of exceptional Russians or Chinese is laughable. Naturally, the show will appear on the Fox News Channel after such "exceptional" Americans as Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck. The motto of Fox News is "We Distort. You Decide".
Norman Podhoretz wrote a scary column in The Wall Street Journal this week comparing Sister Sarah to Ronald Reagan...favorably. Podhoretz describes Reagan as an unfocused, intellectual light-weight who became (according to Podhoretz) the second coming of George Washington. Reagan was, as history tells us, introduced to millions of Americans as host of Death Valley Days on TV in the 50's. It therefore seems only correct that Sarah Palin host a TV show to remind Americans that the uneducated, platitude-driven, amateurish, unqualified, dim-witted people of the country need a champion too. (Like Beck wasn't already doing that job.)
Although people are invited to "log on and tell their stories", it appears unlikely that the show will air the tale of a young boy, educated in Indonesia who, despite bi-racial parents and modest means, was able to work his way through Columbia University and Harvard Law to become a U.S. Senator and President of the United States. After all, the show is called "Real American Stories" and, well, you know, there is that birth certificate thing...
___________________________________________________________________
Item
Representative Paul Broun, a Georgia Republican (express shock here!) introduced a bill that would establish "Ten Commandments Weekend". Seriously, this man actually drafted a law which would "acknowledge that the U.S.'s national character was shaped by The Ten Commandments". The proposed law has run into a few roadblocks on the road to passage. Several Republicans, including David Vetter and John Ensign, object to the inclusion of the Sixth and Ninth Commandments as too restrictive and an affront to freedom. Several Democrats are troubled by the Seventh Commandment. Representative Charlie Rengal demands a broader definition of "steal". Several Texas congressmen want the Fifth Commandment altered to include the phrase "unless a gun is involved". More than one Conservative Congressman is troubled by "keeping holy the Lord's day" as a possible excuse for additional union-sponsored holidays. Even Sarah Palin, who hasn't let her lack of standing as an elected official stop her from bombarding us with her opinion, has an objection. "Well golly shucks, coveting your neighbor's goods is what made America great. Our capitalist system only exists because we want what our neighbors have...and more of it. Any other idea is just plain socialism."
Muttering in dismay, Representative Broun plans to withdraw his legislation in favor of a bill to install a plaque inscribed with the Second Amendment in every inner-city emergency room in America.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)