...or did someone buy GWB a globe last Christmas?

George W. Bush in Africa. Haven't these people suffered enough?

In case you haven't made it to page 16 of Friday's Washington Post (I'm sure that he did better in The NY Times), your President is headed for Africa. This is a man whose previous encounters with the Dark Continent were limited to listening to his college roomates' Ladysmith Black Mombazo album.
George has never listed a knowledge of geography as one of his strengths. His attitude is, if we are not invading a country, why do we need to know where it is? The President was so information-starved about the globe that he kept asking a visiting Tony Blair if he drove or flew (rim shot).

In case you imagined that Fearless George was jetting into the teeth of danger to extinguish the fires in Kenya and the Sudan, guess again. George W. is headed to Tanzania, Ghana, Liberia, Rwanda (having just seen the movie with Don Cheedle, he wants to stay in "the hotel") and, are you ready, Benin. Before you go scurrying off to an atlas, Benin is a key-hole shaped country wedged between Nigeria and Togo (where?) in Western Africa.

Lest you think that your President is leaving the Kenyans to their fate, shame on you. George has dispatched Condoleezza Rice to sort out the problems between the Kikuyu and the Kalenjin.
Sending the Secretary of State to this hot spot relieved the President of the burden of having to recall both tribal names as well as the impossible task of remembering which was which (like it matters). One would have imagined that the President would send Dick "Dead-Eye" Cheney into a dangerous spot like Nairobi. At least he owns the necessary ordnance.

Considering GW's limited exposure to black culture, (Colin Powell, the only black man George ever met, is from the Bronx), the President will need to be reminded of certain facts:

In Rwanda, remember Tutsi is a tribe, not a Dustin Hoffman movie.

Swahili is not the same as Ebonics.

Burkina Faso is a country, not the actor who played Huggy Bear on Starsky and Hutch.

Ghana is not the first syllable of an STD.





As long as George stays on script, all should be fine. After all, how much harm can he do? About 45% of Africa is Muslim and they already hate us. If George can gain the support of just a few more Africans, he will leave the continent with a higher approval rating than he has here. Not bad for a man who read The Jungle Book only last week.

...or should we be trying to buy-out GWB's contract and send him home?

Just in case you were starting to feel sorry for George the Lesser...

Item

In his (thankfully) final State of the Union message last month, President George made a big deal out of a plan to allow members of the armed forces to transfer their unused education benefits to family members. Very noble. Military personnel should get something for the misery they've suffered at the hands of this administration. Having never attended a military funeral, George has had plenty of time to sit around 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. and dream up nice perks for the soldiers fortunate enough to make it home.

However, not surprisingly, the President's budget for 200/2009 makes no provision for any addition to veteran’s benefits. In other words, George was just blowing smoke. It's one thing to abandon the victims of hurricane Katrina (they were mostly Democrats, anyway) but for this administration to short-change the troops that they themselves put in harm's way is unconscionable. Considering the trail of misinformation and deceit that has been the stock and trade of this Bush White House, this offense is particularly egregious. Can Jan 20, 2009 possibly arrive soon enough?

___________________________________________________________________

Item

Once again the pandering, ass-kissing Congress is lining up on the wrong side of an issue. A majority of your Congresspersons have come out in favor of allowing the citizens of Washington D.C. to own assault weapons. Ignoring the fact that only a moron would vote for more guns in the streets of Washington, Congresspeople have to work here. If you smell the cordite coming from the NRA, you're not alone. The gun nuts now have enough conservative judges among the Supremes to win a fight on Second Amendment grounds. Oh goody! Naturally, Dick "shoot your lawyer in the face" Cheney is also campaigning for repeal of the existing weapons law. Why ruin a perfect record?

Among life's little ironies is the juxtaposition of the Washington Post detailing Congress' support for gun ownership directly across the page from an article about the gunman in Kirkwood, MO. This was the gentleman who shot up a city council meeting killing five and wounding the town's mayor. I quess that Congress thinks that the rent-a -cops at the front door will be enough to keep them safe.

As for the NRA, they won't be happy until the Washington Nationals establish "Gun Day" at the ball park.

_____________________________________________________________________

Item

Under the category of "you can't make this stuff up":
The Mississippi legislature is considering a bill that would prohibit restaurants from serving food to really fat people. "People are just going to the buffets and eating" says Mississippi State Representative Ted Mayhall. Mississippi has the highest obesity rate of any state in the country.

Mr. Mayhall has suggested fines for restaurants that feed the tubby but he was unclear as to how the overweight would be identified. Possibly a form of the height measurement device used at amusement parks. "If you can't fit between these two lines, you will be denied service". Perhaps the doors to Mississippi restaurants could be made narrow enough to only allow skinny people to get in. If you think the NRA bitches about gun control, wait until you hear the NRA (as in National Restaurant Assoc.) squawk about this proposal. Do you think the Second Amendment includes the right to keep and bear french fries? After all, burgers don't kill people. People with spatulas kill people!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Item

A crowd of 250,000 Columbians protested last week in the streets of Bogotá. The rally was organized to attempt to stop the kidnappings in Columbia at the hands of FARC, the Marxist Leninist group that has snatched 700 people in the past 10 years. "Stop the FARCing kidnapping" was the rallying cry of the crowd (or it would have been if the crowd spoke English and had a sense of humor). The rebel group has become so synonymous with the kidnappings in Columbia that they are now just called "getting FARCed". OK I’ll stop now.

___________________________________________________________________

This just in...

The little town of Poczernin, Poland is about to recieve a dubious distinction. Thanks to the work of Rev. Andrzej Trojanowski, Poczernin will become the only center in Catholic Europe dedicated to the performance of exorcisms. Apparently the ritual casting out of demons has become quite the cottage industry in Poland. There are currently 70 priests in the country authorized to perform the ancient rite. (Italy has about 300 practioneers but almost everyone in Italy is possessed by something.) A Catholic University in Rome is offering a course in devil extraction.

Apparently the symptoms of possession in the new milennium are more subtle than the Linda Blair, head-spinning, ceiling- crawling that made the 1973 movie so creepy. All sorts of aberrant behavior can be proof of a demon dwelling within. Father Trojanowski claims to be seeing 20 people a week who are under the influence of evil spirits. His office must be near Fox News.

Depending on your point of view, the new exorcism center could be a boon for tourism. After all, contrary to popular myth, exorcisms can take months. (Do devils have a lease?) The possessed need somewhere to stay (I'm thinking The Cast-Out Inn). People eating for two or more will need serious buffet restaurants. A spa would be a must. Do you know what being possessed can do to your skin?

Should you come away from this item with the impression that isitjustme doesn't believe in the devil or in demonic possession than you clearly haven't read anything written here about Karl Rove. The world would be a better place if George W. Bush would load up Air Force One with the entire team from his first term and head for Poland. Maybe Fr. Trojanowski has a group rate.

...is the election process eating up all your brain cells?

Other things in the news...

Item

Fear not, America. Things are going beautifully in Afghanistan, especially if you are a crazy-ass radical Muslim. For one thing, agriculture is booming. Afghan farmers are filling their barns with everyone's favorite crop...poppies. The beneficiary of this farming bonanza is, naturally enough, our friends the Taliban. Apparently the Koran prohibits the personal use of drugs, but it's OK to sell poppies to Italy and Turkey. What they do with the stuff is their business. Things are so good that Mullah Omar is thinking of listing the Taliban on the New York Stock Exchange using the stock symbol "H".

All this prosperity will certainly have a positive effect on the end users. The price of smack in New York will become one of the few bargains in Manhattan. Junkies will now only need to mug half as many citizens on the streets in order to feed their habit. Rudy Giuliani is already taking the credit.

All of this good news has prompted Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to participate in a Marion Barry moment. (It was former Mayor Barry who said, "If it weren't for all the murders in D.C., crime would be down.")

Secretary Rice was so eager to praise American success in Afghanistan that she completely ignored the pending execution of Sayed Parwiz Kambakhsh. Mr. Kambakhsh is a journalist and student who apparently printed an article off the internet criticizing the Koran for its treatment of women. In "the new, progressive" Afghanistan this crime will get you a trip to the gallows without the messiness of a trial. America's favorite Afghan President, Hamid Karzai won't touch this with a ten-foot hookah. Civil law in Afghanistan cannot contravene Islamic law and Mr. Karzai's hold on power is shaky at best. One blast from the mullahs and he's back in the rug business.

It is east to see why this administration is pointing to Afghanistan as proof of American success in the Middle East. Agriculture is booming, exports are at an all-time high, faith-based programs are succeeding (even if the faith is Islam) and the government is stable (so long as it remains inert). One can only wonder why other countries in the region aren't lining up for a slice of this.



____________________________________________________________________

Item

In other Middle Eastern news, a court in Iran has sentenced a 22 year old man to death for drinking. (In Texas, drinking is about the only thing that won't get you executed.) It seems that one of the delightful nuances of Islamic law is that, if you are caught drinking four times, hopefully not in the same night, you can be put to death (insert your own Brittany Spears/Kiefer Sutherland joke here). That's a bit harsh! If you're wondering why the immigration from Ireland to Iran is off a bit, look no further.

It's this sort of wacky jurisprudence that makes it easy to see why so many people around the world have embraced Islam. Who wouldn't want to join a gang of kooky guys that abuse women, cut people's heads off for the smallest offense and strap explosives to themselves for grins? It's like the Knights of Columbus only with sharper swords.

...or did the founding fathers omit keggers from the Declaration of Independence for a reason?

How many dead college kids does it take before state governments are forced to act? Apparently that depends on the state.
The sensible folks of Minnesota are using the deaths of several college students to address the problem of binge drinking. Watering holes in college towns like Mankato offer unlimited cups of beer and mixed drinks for $5.00 from 9 PM to midnight. (No bar owner would be dumb enough to try this near a Jesuit school.) This clever sales ploy is having the exact effect you would expect.

In October, a 21-year old student died from alcohol poisoning. This brings to four students dead from drinking throughout the state. Minnesota is attempting to ban the practice of bottomless cups. Fond as I am of the occasional tipple, it is hard to argue with the state's concern. College students are particularly vulnerable (and particularly dopey). Any segment of the population willing to paint themselves in the school colors for a public appearance cannot be trusted to drink responsibly, especially when the hooch is free. From a practical standpoint, knowing "when to say when" might be "when" the money runs out.


Now slide your gaze 1,500 miles or so to the east, to the Commonwealth of Virginia. Public tragedy generates an entirely different response in the Old Dominion.

Consider the Commonwealth's reaction to the 32 brutal deaths at Virginia Tech last April. The legislature of Virginia immediately (well, seven months later) rushed into action and did ...nothing. The state imposed no additional restrictions on gun purchases. Background checks are still not required at gun shows or for private gun sales. Clearly the good old boys in Richmond consider the deaths in Blacksburg acceptable collateral damage.

Legislators from such enlightened corners of the state as Lynchburg and Roanoke argue that the gunman at Virginia Tech, Seung-Hui Cho, bought his guns legally and passed a background check. Sadly, that's true. However, had his mental condition been known to the state, and had he been denied a gun at a liscensed shop, he would have still been free to buy his weapon of choice at any of hundreds of gun shows around Virginia.



Face it folks, we are never going to pry the guns from the warm, living hands of people in America who are determined to own them. We can however, try to make it a little tougher to buy a gun if you are a convicted wife-beater or if your mental elevator doesn't ascend all the way to the top.



Slippery slopes notwithstanding, why do responsible gun owners constantly defend the rights of the irresponsible? Thousands die each year from bullets fired either in anger or by accident. Why is it so strange for a resident of Missouri or Idaho to be a concerned citizen first and a gun owner second? These people are victims of their own lobby. They support an organization that is primarily responsible for protecting the rights of killers and crazies. How does that make sense?

If the Auto Club spent my dues campaigning to allow drunks and crazy people to keep buying cars and driving on my roads, I'd raise hell. Explain to me how the NRA is different?



In case there are any Virginia State Senators reading this, please note...guns don't kill people. Bullets kill people.

Crazy people with guns, and bulltes kill people.

People who can buy guns and bullets at the local expo center without ID or a background check, kill people.



I guess 32 dead wasn't enough of a body count to cause a response in Virginia. Clearly none of the legislators in Richmond had kids at VT that day.

...or should Bill and Hillary stand farther apart so we can tell which one is running for President?

As the Bill and Hillary Show lurches toward Super Tuesday, one question looms larger and larger in the minds of the American electorate...which one of these people is actually running?

I know what the campaign posters say. I know who is standing at the podium during the endless debates. (The one in the dress, right? See also "how to identify Rudy G.") However, in the day to day news coverage the quotes from the Clinton camp are as likely to be sourced to Him as Her.

This situation is considerably more troubling to the electorate than to the candidate. If Hillary wanted to show how decisive she can be, what better way than to tell hubby to shut up and sit down?After all, Hillary is a woman (probably) and strength of will is a factor in this race. No one is confusing Mrs. Clinton with Maggie Thatcher or Golda Meir. If she wishes to be taken seriously as a leader, she must first lead her noisy husband toward a corner for a well-needed time out.

Say what you will about the Bushes (and I usually do), George W. didn't have his dad running point in 2000. The first time you even saw George and Barbara was at the inauguration. But that is because Bush Sr. knew when to get off the stage. Bill Clinton apparently sees his wife's run for the presidency as an opportunity to return to the glory days of 1992. I guess it's hard to score with the babes when you have to explain to them why you're a celebrity.

The Clintons must see this "two candidate" strategy as a loser. Barak Obama has been kind up to this point. His comments about running against Clintons deux have been limited to occasional references to Bill's veracity. (Nothing new there!) Wait until the Republicans join the fun. The prospect of revisiting Bill Clinton's many sins is enough to electrify the bolts in Karl Rove's neck.

Hillary's road to the White House will be tough enough without her wayward husband standing on the podium next to her with his metaphoric fly open.

Bill should confine his speaking engagements to venues of old ladies and minorities. He should stick to praising his wife for not publicly kicking his ass for all the humiliation he caused her. "My wife has been vetted, not only by 35 years of public life but by 33 years of marriage to me."

As for me, I like Bill Clinton. What's not to like? He's engaging, funny and all too human. I also liked high school. That doesn't mean I want to relive it. There's a reason that we look back fondly on our last car or our former lovers. The mind has a short memory for pain.


Sadly, Republicans show no such inclination. If you want to be reminded in excruciating detail how Bill Clinton was impeached, disbarred and discredited in 1999 just have him stand too close to the Junior Senator from New York while she is running for president. All that mud is bound to leave stains.

...or should the primary process be renamed "Survivor, Washington D.C."?

As we eagerly anticipate February 5th, "Super Tuesday", 26 states will hold caucuses or primaries. Isitjustme is dreading February 6th, "Just Kill Me" Wednesday when the collective intelligence of my fellow Americans will be visible to the world. Nothing in the primary process thus far has led me to believe that our choices for candidates in 2008 will reflect much credit on our National IQ.

This was supposed to be the "anybody but George" election. This was to be "Listerine" vote where we wash the bad taste of the last eight years from our collective mouths. This was to be the monent when we said to the world, "We don't know what we were thinking in 2000 & 2004 but, seriously, we're over it."

Instead, we are traveling down the same road that brought us George the Lesser.

Have you ever wondered why all of the great democracies of the world have adopted the British system of government instead of ours? Countries like India, France, Greece, Denmark and Burkina Faso all have modeled their governing process after the parliamentary structure. Many of these governments were relics of the British Empire but all have maintained the system. Could it be that most countries see the wisdom of electing their leaders from the most experienced members of the legislature? Before you get to be Prime Minister, you learn your trade on the back bench. You gain experience as part of a governing process and, if you show skill as a leader, negotiator, consensus-builder and compromiser, you move up the ladder. Charisma helps but so does gravitas. Hell, we choose NFL head coaches with more care.

America has shown a particular disdain for experience. We haven't elected a senator to the presidency since Jack Kennedy. George H.W. Bush (George the Greater) was awash in experience but it was hardly the deciding factor in his election. Our curricula vitae for presidents have included: a peanut farmer, an actor, a frat boy baseball team owner and a man who never held a private sector job.

These men were all governors with zero understanding of foreign policy. Reading the New York Times (or in GWB's case, Sports Illustrated) hardly fills the gap. Being elected governor of Arkansas doesn't even qualify you to run Arkansas. By the time these guys get the hang of running the country, their first term is practically over. I know. FDR was governor of New York and Lincoln was a just country lawyer but even blind squirrels find nuts occasionally.

The experience wonks in this election are: John McCain, period. Hillary doesn't get points for being First Lady. I'm sorry but being in the pit crew just isn't the same as driving the car. The two other candidates with real chops were Chris Dodd and Joe Biden. Both were swept away faster than you can say New Hampshire Primary. Rudy Guiliani ran one city...one city. (He also ran three marriages; two into the ground.) If Osama has attacked Denver, Rudy's name would be unknown everywhere west of Newark.

Note: Why does everyone laugh when Dennis Kucinich says he saw a UFO but no one laughs when Mike Huckabee says he doesn't believe in evolution?


The American presidential process is "all sizzle, no steak". (Or in GWB's case, "All hat, no cattle"). With the exception of John McCain, none of the front runners is qualified to be president today. (George W. Bush has been in the job for seven years and he's still not qualified.)

People should define the issues that a president will face and elect the person best able to meet those challenges. If we don't we should be prepared for another Texas lightweight or a president who has spent so much time on his knees that it has become a habit.

...or is GWB's farewell tour not moving fast enough?

"If we don't kiss some Saudi ass over there we'll have to do it over here."
So reads the gospel according to George W. Bush.

Just so we all understand:

-the United States was attacked by nineteen men on September 11, 2001.

-eighteen of those men were Saudis.

-the President is attempting, by force-of-arms, to impose democracy on Iraq.

-Saudi Arabia is a monarchy. The King is no fan of individual freedoms.

The logical reaction to these facts would be:

1)Send the Saudis a smart-bomb candygram.

2)Move heaven and earth to break America's dependence on foreign/Saudi oil, then send them a smart-bomb candygram.

3)Clear brush in Crawford, Tx until Jan 20, 2009.

4) Agree to sell the Saudis $123 million in high tech weapons.

One suspects that Genius George's next foreign policy coup will be to sell high-speed humvees to the tribes of Darfur so the rapists can cover more ground.

Please tell me on what planet it makes any sense to sell munitions to a country that is most threatened by any American success in their region? It is true that, as long as America maintains the umbilical cord between Aramco and their suburban garages, we need to make nice. However, that doesn't mean that we provide the Saudis with the dynamite to blow the region up. Our "friends" the Israelis must be thrilled. More guns for the Arabs has always been on of their mottoes.

Why can't George and King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz just talk about areas of common interest? For example, they could discuss the most efficient method to execute prisoners. I believe the Saudis use a rusty rapier. That should please Judge Scalia. Then there's always the subject of torture. The Bush Administration has been outsourcing the brutal mistreatment of prisoners to Saudi Arabia for some time. They could re-negotiate the contract to include healthcare for the torturers.

They could chat about how to keep the population of their countries asleep while you run the country any way you like. Both appear to be experts. King Abdullah might even give George a few pointers on how to handle the press. (see also, rusty rapiers).

What remains clear is that the only thing worse than Bush foreign policy is Bush foreign policy on the road. American travel to Europe will certainly be down this summer. We are all too ashamed.

We can only hope that the price of oil rises so high that Air Force One becomes too expensive to fly... except from Washington to Crawford...one way. At that point the Saudis will have done the American people a great service.

...or does George Bush's passport have fewer stamps than a rural post office after Christmas?

President George W. Bush arrived in Israel on Wednesday. Fortunately, the pilot of Air Force One had a rough idea of where the country was because the Commander-in-Chief would be of little help. He skipped geography at Yale in favor of a Skull and Bones kegger. The momentousness of this occasion was exemplified by the placement of the story in The Washington Post. It appeared on page 15. George couldn't make page one if he announced that he was moving to a kibbutz. He has added new meaning to the term "irrelevant".

Presidents since Woodrow Wilson have been trying to fashion a workable plan for the Middle East. Until the 1930's it was more of a hobby than a foreign policy initiative. That changed when Mammoud went shooting at some food (sing it with me!) and up through the ground come a bubblin' crude. Oil that is, black gold, Tehran tea.

By the end of WWII we were a bit more concerned but our friends the British appeared to have things well in hand. We were at least confident enough to believe that no one would notice if we wedged a Jewish state into an underused hunk of real estate on the Eastern Mediterranean.

Throughout the 50's and 60's, the American jones for oil became troublesome but as long as the sheiks and sheikettes were happy buying planes and really cool hubcaps, the pipelines were wide open and life was good. Then came OPEC, the oil embargo, gas lines and, faster than you can say "Jeez, that Datsun is ugly" Americans were fearful of our oil dependence. That fear lasted about as long as Tom Tancredo's presidential bid, but U.S. Presidents took notice.

In 1978 Jimmy Carter brokered a deal between Menachem Begin of Israel and Anwar Al Sadat of Egypt. Say what you will about Jimmy Carter. That treaty was signed 30 years ago and it's still in force. Not bad for a peanut farmer.

Since then, each successive President has tried to cement his legacy as world leader by "bringing peace to this troubled region". Bill Clinton, not wishing to be remembered as "Mister pants-around-his- ankles" promised Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat everything but season tickets to the Redskins to secure a Middle East peace deal. Yasser held out for a spot on American Idol and the deal fell through. Now our "citizen of the world" President will give it a go.

The residents of the Middle East were initially grateful that an American plane flying over their country was not carrying a payload. Recent experience has taught them that American diplomacy is usually of the 50 caliber variety. However there were no smart bombs (of any kind) on this flight. If George can just manage to stop calling the locals Israelites all will be well.

It appears that the President has no actual plan to end hostilities between Israel and its feisty neighbors. His remarks have been limited to complaining about Iranian speedboats menacing our war ships and his standard "Why can't we all just get along" speech. No mention will be made of the increased jeopardy that Israel faces as a result of American nation-building in Iraq.

The president has called for "painful choices" which must be made if there is to be peace. Naturally, Israel will be asked to endure most of the pain because they are the only party in the game likely to listen to an American...except of course Oprah. The Palestinians at the conference can't hear the President over the shouts of "kill the crusaders". No matter. At least the President will be able to get some additional use out of the Mission Accomplished banner.

...or is George Bush just lame, duck or no duck?

And the hits just keep on comin':

Item


George W. Bush, in a bold example of statesmanship, has braved the storm in a skiff by courageously signing legislation the prevents the mentally ill from purchasing guns. Bravo Mr. President! It's leadership like this that will ensure the legacy of George W. Bush. Henceforth our President will be mentioned along with giants like Millard Filmore and John Tyler.

The law was introduced in 2002 but, as usual, it took a piano falling on their heads before anyone in Washington did anything. The piano in this case was the deaths of 32 students and teachers at Virginia Tech in April last year. The slaughter at VT was so horrific that even the NRA was ashamed to oppose this bill.

This law adds the certifiably insane to the growing list of Americans who will be denied their Second Amendment rights. The list currently includes quadriplegics, fetuses and the dead.

In a related story, Dick Cheney is buying all the guns he can in advance of the law's effective date. With his record over the last seven years, you can't be too careful.

___________________________________________________________________

Item

The little town of Reeves, LA is breathing a little easier this year. Thanks to the efforts of its mayor, the town will no longer be marked with the sign of the beast. For forty years the people of Reeves have been forced by Ma Bell and her progeny to live with the ignominy of the number 666 as their telephone exchange.

Mayor Scott Walker has stated that, "We are good Christian people. This has been a black eye for our town; a stigma." The mayor can now turn his attention to more important issues like removing the thirteens from all house numbers and banning the sale of deviled ham from local food stores. At least the phone company will no longer be blamed for lightning strikes and tornadoes.

Several requests have been submitted to claim the 666 exchange. Notable among the applicants are the University of Arizona, De Paul University in Chicago, Duke University and of course Wake Forrest. Certain neighborhoods in New York City are also in the running. Think Hell's Kitchen.

___________________________________________________________________

Item (this from roving reporter J. O'C)

Only in New York.

Two men were arrested in Manhattan Tuesday for attempting to cash the social security check of a dead person. No big deal, you say. Perhaps, but these two geniuses were wily. They knew that the clerk at the Pay-O-Matic check cashing establishment would recognize the check's owner by sight. No problem. Our heroes ingeniously strapped the recently departed Virgilio Cintron (it was his check) to an office chair and wheeled him through the streets to the store. The crafty pair left Mr. Cintron parked in the street and when the clerk inquired about Mr. Cintron, our villains simply pointed to the corpse slumped in the chair.

The plan was foiled by a policeman lunching at a restaurant next store. So much for the best laid plans. Both gentlemen have been charged with fraud because sadly, felony stupidity is not yet a crime. That law is probably on the President's desk hiding under the "No Guns for Crazy People" legislation.

...or is it time to put the death penalty out of its misery?

It seems that we have been here before. On January 7th, 2008 the United States Surpreme Court heard arguments on whether execution by three-drug lethal injection constitutes cruel and unusual punishment. Once again the American legal system will line up on both sides of this issue and once again we will show the world the darker side of our national nature.

What is it about America that we appear so eager to find ways to express the worst in ourselves? Isn't reality TV enough? Why are state legislatures (mostly in the South) staying up nights to fashion new crimes for which death is the punishment? Even states that haven't executed anyone since the fifties are slow to wipe their capital punishment laws from the books.

As a society, we appear finally to be backing away from executing our criminals. Illinios has vacated all capital cases and New Jersey has abolished the policy all together. New Mexico, Maryland, Montana and Nebraska appear ready to follow suit. Florida, which proudly executed Ted Bundy in 1989, has 55 men who have been on death row for 25 years or more. The message is clear: lawmakers and officers of the court understand that executions are not only expensive, they are irreversible.

Nevertheless, Judge Antonin Scalia can't wait to get those three-drug cocktails flowing again. Executions in America have effectively been suspended pending the Supremes ruling as to whether the current system is cruel and unusual. The ever compassionate Judge Scalia, champion of the unborn, wonders aloud what clause in the Constitution guarantees a merciful death for murderers. The Bush judges, Roberts and Alito, seem inclined to agree. (Big surprise.)Even Beyer and Souter are reluctant to rule on this case (brought by two inmates in Kentucky).



It's easy to cheer when the likes of John Wayne Gacy and Timothy McVeigh are led to the gallows but the difficulty with capital punishment is that we apply the laws so badly. Since the 1976 reintroduction of the death penalty, 126 condemned men have had their convictions vacated. Of the 1,000+ inmates who walked the last mile, at least ten died in spite of grave doubts about their guilt. Do we really think that 1% is an acceptable margin of error?

If you were reading The Washington Post today, you could hardly miss the page 2 story concerning the pending Supreme Court ruling. What you may have overlooked was a page 5, three-inch item regarding one Ken Richey. Mr. Richey was released from Ohio's death row after pleading no-contest to charges relating to a 1986 fire in which a child was killed. An Ohio appeals court overturned Richey's conviction. The specifics are dull (except to Mr. Richey) having to do with competency of council and intent but, the underlying issue is that capital cases are unnecessary and often tragic. At one point Ken Richey was less than one hour from his date with the headsmen. Mr. Richey holds a British passport and is heading out of Dodge as quickly as possible. If you can catch him at JFK, ask him if he thinks the death penalty in the U.S. is cruel and unusual.

And so, as we watch with gleeful anticipation as Virginia executes John Allen Muhammad (the Washington sniper of 2002) and Texas continues its struggle to execute teenagers and the mentally handicapped we may wish to stop and reflect. What purpose do we serve by killing our own citizens? Justice? Vengeance? Who cares? Justice Scalia may not find mercy in the Constitution but he won't find vengeance in the New Testament either. How about a little strict constructionism, your honor!

...or are elections only fun when the gloves come off?

OK now it gets interesting.

Prior to the Iowa caucuses there was only an amorphous mass of Democrats bickering among themselves and an amorphous pile of Republicans doing the same. Now we have winners and, more importantly, losers.

No one, least of all me, wants their presidential candidates chosen by the good people of Iowa. Were these contests organized to choose the best ear of corn or the most attractive livestock (insert your own joke here!) Iowa is as good a place as any for a decision. When, however, we are trying to determine who is the most qualified candidate to un-f**k America after the horror of George The Lesser, Iowans are a little too evangelical, rural and white for the task.

That said, at least the caucuses provide some measurable test as to how candidates are being received by a block of voters. For this we are indebted to the hardy souls of the Hawkeye State. While the rest of us are fed a steady stream of ads for E.D. and phone companies, the brave men and women of Iowa have endured the endless blather of almost twenty supplicants for president. The good news for Iowa is that, for the rest of this election, and for the next four years, they will be completely ignored.

So what have the people of Iowa given us?

First there is the twisted wreck of what once was the Hillary Bandwagon. This is what happens when you stay too long at the fair...especially the Iowa State Fair. When your campaign lasts longer than the run of Les Miz, people get sick of you. Ideas that looked good to folks at the beginning start to fade with age. A return to the peaceful, prosperous days of the Clinton presidency starts to look like more of the dynastic thinking that gave us George the not-so-great. Hillary's eight years of experience in the White House reminds us that she spent much of the time defending her husband from charges of diddling the help. That sort of experience might be useful if she were being considered for a role on Desperate Housewives but hopefully, America is looking for more.

In contrast, Barak Obama is a breath of fresh air. He's smooth, smart and seemingly without guile. He has actually been able to avoid closeted skeletons by revealing all his "secrets" at once. By refusing to "go negative" he has made it practically impossible for the Clinton camp to attack him without appearing Rove-esque. Aside from holding the door for her, Obama barely acknowledges that Hillary is even around. He is proving that you can be smart and still be likable. Remember that George Bush presented himself as folksy but competent. Turns out he was neither. Hil is in trouble and she knows it. If she loses New Hampshire her new job will be her old job: making sure Bill's zipper is up.

Mike Huckabee is Barak with a Bible. Like Obama, he represents some hope for the future rather than more of the same. Apparently even Republicans are gagging on the current band of felons in the White House. No one can spot a swine like an Iowan and they certainly identified the oinkers in both parties. Speaking of sleeping in the sty,even the affable John McCain could not overcome his new-found subservience to the will of the current administration. The message of November 2006 is still clear...we don't like the way Congress is behaving and we aren't interested in elevating anyone from that partisan mess to a higher office.

Mitt Romney, whose positions on the issues is printed on an Etch-a-Sketch, looks a little too blow-dried for the simple people of the Midwest. It's hard to connect with a guy who looks like one of the Brooks Bros. at five in the morning. Mitt was pro-choice in Massachusetts and the Christian Right isn't going to let him weasel out of that position just because he's on the other side of the Mississippi. Gov. Romney may be joining Hillary at the "What Went Wrong Cafe" come Wednesday.

We are still far from finished with this process. There's still Rudy "I swear I didn't know she was my cousin" Guiliani. His best hope is that 1) Romney and Huckabee shoot each other in New Hampshire and, 2) the rest of the country forgets about his three marriages, Bernie Kerik and his position on practically everything.

In any event, like we say in the pool room, there's a lot of green between here and there.

...or has this site slipped from sight?

Sorry for the hiatus. It's murder trying to find a new ribbon for these things. Now where were we? Oh yeah: Item Should you find yourself among "the huddled masses yearning to breathe free" you can always rely on a helping hand from the Bush Administration...unless you're a Kurd. The geo-political geniuses of the Bush White House have assisted the Turkish Air Force in a recent raid on the Kurdish rebels in Northern Iraq. Although regrettable, this course of action was considered preferable to allowing a full scale invasion by Turkey of Iraq's northern provinces. Once again, the Kurds take it in the shorts. Screwing the Kurds is something of a family tradition among the Bushies. George's dad allowed Saddam Hussein to use what was left of the Iraqi air force to bomb the Kurds after the first Gulf War. Having encouraged the Kurds to overthrow the Hussein government at their earliest opportunity, the Kurds were understandably perplexed by the apparent mixed message. When George the Lesser decided to try his hand at nation-building in Iraq, his only allies in the region were the Turks and, of course, the Kurds. Do these guys know how to treat a friend or what? Apparently, the enemy of my enemy is my enemy. The Kurdish representative in the Iraqi government, Massoud Barzani, is naturally vexed at the treatment his people are receiving at the hands of Bush & Co. There was, however one note of solace. Condolences arrived this morning in the form of a cable from Ray Nagin, Mayor of New Orleans. Ray wrote, "Massoud, keep your chin up. It could be worse. If Kurdistan is ever hit by a natural disaster, you'll find out how cruel this administration can really be." ____________________________________________________________________ Item Isitjustme has made a concerted effort to refrain from castigating the Catholic Church but, occasionally it is impossible to keep silent. As an organization committed to education, the leaders of the RCC seem incapable of learning anything from past mistakes. Attend the tale of Francis Eugene Cardinal George, OMI, Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago. To paraphrase a line from Richard Dreyfuss in Jaws, "...I know that you are going to ignore the fact that there is a (pedophile) problem until one swims up and bites you in the ass". Cardinal George is about to become president of the Conference of Catholic Bishops. Among clerics in America, this is a big deal. The president of the CCB will have a large voice in the administration of the Catholic Church. He will be the principal representative of American Catholics in Rome and he will be front and center for the Pope's visit in the spring of 2008. Sadly, Cardinal George is the poster boy for the Church's true feelings regarding pedophile priests; ignore the problem, blame the victims. The Catholic Church is running away from this issue as fast as possible; stopping only long enough to write enormous checks for compensation. Although zero tolerance for pedophiles is American Catholic policy since 2002, Cardinal George is on record as saying, "Are we saying that people with any kind of question in their past are not employable?" Holy underwear, Batman! Has this man never seen Law and Order? Pedophiles don't stop! They don't get better. Allowing a man to function as a priest after a conviction as a child molester is the worst kind of irresponsibility. But there is a new spin coming from the archdiocese of Chicago. (It's just possible that we've discovered what happened to Karl Rove.) In a sermon during a Mass celebrated for lawyers and jurists in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Bishop Thomas Paprocki from Chicago explained who the real villain is. In his legal opinion (Bishop Paprocki has a a law degree and a license in Cannon Law) the Church is under attack. "We must use our religious discernment to realize that the principal force behind these attacks is none other than the devil." Really? And here I was thinking that the "force behind these attacks" was a small army of people who had their trust in the clergy repaid with a lesson in sodomy. Who knew that, it was actually a red guy with a tail. Well, at least Bishop Paprocki got the horns right! Bishop Paprocki wasn't clear about the devil's actual role in the play. Was he whispering in the ear of the pedophile priests? Was he advising the victims to come forward? Perhaps the bishop was scanning his audience of lawyers to see if an exorcism was in order. When the devil and an attorney get together, bet on the lawyer. The Catholic Church has been settling claims all over America for five years and they still can't admit to the problem. Until Rome faces this issue head-on, no Catholic should drop a dime in any collection plate. When Benedict XVI arrives in America, Catholics should stay home. The Church doesn't belong to a bunch of men in dresses. It belongs to the faithful and until parishioners throughout America are prepared to stand up and make the Church admit the problem, the alienation between people and priests will continue. Vote with your feet folks, and with your wallets. ____________________________________________________________________

Item

Sean Taylor, defensive back for the Washington Redskins, was shot and killed in his home in Florida two weeks ago.

On Wednesday, December 5th, eight people were killed in a shooting at an Omaha, Nebraska shopping mall.

There are almost 200 million guns in private hands in the United States. 65 million are hand guns.

Any questions?

...or is Walmart something we should be thankful for?

Things that will make you wish you were Canadian: Item Let's talk about Walmart. Face it. We live in a capitalist society. That society rewards entrepreneurship, effort, efficiency, education and a lot of other "e" words that I can't come up with now. We accept, even applaud, companies that come to market with the best product at the best price. Whether it's Best Buy selling electronics or PetSmart (note the trendy elimination of the space between words) peddling kibble, we are happy to drive 5 or 10 miles to save $.50 on a box of Cheerios. So be it. This is America and we will defend to the death your right to waste $1.00 in gas to pocket $.50. But then there's Walmart. Someone, probably Paris Hilton, said that no publicity was bad publicity. As the only company in America that spawned an organization dedicated to its destruction, Walmart might beg to differ. Throughout America, small bands of crusaders are rising up to stop Walmart from expanding into new territories. The Germans drove them out in 2006 and, except for the UK, things are grim in the EU. Folks hate Walmart for a host of reasons: Walmart destroys small local businesses; devastates downtown shopping areas; promotes suburban sprawl. Their parking lots are brighter than Shea Stadium on game night. As neighbors, most people would prefer the storage facility for the Center For Disease Control. Closed Walmart stores lay abandoned for months, sometimes longer. Walmart can always be relied upon to do the least that the law allows with regard to safety and overall good citizenship. This is the company that refused to take any responsibility for assaults and rapes occurring in their own parking lots. However, the issue that makes the news most often is the reason for today's rant: the manner in which Walmart treats its help. Walmart professes to be a friend to the working family, providing high quality goods at reasonable prices. That's true as long as the working family isn't working for Walmart. The company is maniacally anti-union. A union would presumably bring a measure of worker's rights to a company whose business practices would be more at home in the Philippines. Thousands of Walmart employees are without benefits mostly because their hours don't qualify them for full time status. Better to pay peanuts to two employees than benefits to one full-time worker. If you imagine that this is all covered by the term "good business practices" please avail yourself of page one of November twentieth The Wall Street Journal. Column three details the case of Deborah Shank. Ms. Shank, a Walmart employee with health insurance, was involved in an accident with a truck, (not Walmart's) leaving her with severe brain damage and in need of constant care. She was awarded $700,000 in a settlement with the trucking company. Legal fees and other expenses reduced the award to $417,000 which would go toward her future medical expenses, that is, of course, until Walmart stepped in. Two years ago Walmart's medical plan sued Ms. Shank for $470,000, an amount equal to the cost of her to that point. Let me say that again...Walmart sued Ms. Shank to recover the money they had paid for her hospitalization. They did it for the very best of reasons...the law says they can. In 2006 Walmart posted a net profit of $12.18 Billion on sales of $344 Billion. They are currently the largest public corporation by revenue. Now you have some idea as to how they got there, by screwing every last cent out of their work force. You can say that no one forces people to work at Walmart and that is certainly true. There should, however be a covenant between employer and employee that's rooted in fairness and respect. (Wow! What century were you born in?) Seriously! I know very few bosses that don't care whether their employees prosper. They value their reputations as caring even if it costs them a few rolls of Scotch Tape at Christmes. Walmart is spending millions to promote the idea that they are model world citizens: They're green; they're responsible. Sure. They're responsible for poisoning American children. When you grind your suppliers to cut costs and then cut them again, you shouldn't be surprised when the stuff you import is produced by slaves using lead paint. They will need all the paint they can find. It will take a lot to apply to the lips of this pig.

...or is reading only The N.Y. Post warping your prospective?

Things that aren't making the national press: Item There is a scandal going on in Washington; and the sun is expected to rise tomorrow and Christmas will arrive on December 25th. This particular scandal however, does not involve our federal government. This one belongs to the city of Washington. Granted, any city that is run by the U.S. Congress and that can elect Marion Barry to anything is bound to be a little meshuga but, hey, $31 million. That's a lot of paper clips and Scotch tape. The story involves Harriette Walters who until recently was Washington's manager of tax refunds. (You're way ahead of me, aren't you?) Harriette has been refunding property tax dollars to herself, her relatives and bogus companies to which she has access. (To show that Ms. Walters had a sense of humor, one of the companies was called "Bilkemor, LLC.) The details are still coming to light but it appears that the game has been afoot since 1999. Most legitimate refund checks run about $10,000. The funds heading to Ms. Walters and her family were closer to $300,000. No one seems to have noticed. Also considered unremarkable was the fact that Ms. Walters drove a Bentley. The Chief Financial Officer for the district is Natwar M. Gandhi (no relation). His response to the theft on his watch was predictable. He was shocked, shocked to learn that there was larceny happening under his very nose. Assuming no liability himself he is now investigating. Presumably he is determined to discover whether Ms. Walters signed the bogus check with government ink. The Feds have Ms. Walters, and her family and her lawyer, David Fuss. What they don't have is most of the loot. Ms. Walters owns a home on St. Thomas and one in the D.C. area. So far only about $6.5 million has been seized. Retailers in the Washington area view Ms. Walters arrest in Nov as unfortunate. Harriette was a fierce shopper at Christmas. Marion Barry was unavailable for comment. __________________________________________________________________________ Item The winner of this year's "Yoko Ono Professional Widow Award" is Mariane Pearl. Under the heading of, "...but enough talk about me. What do you think about me?" Mariane Pearl continues to play the role of "anything for a buck" victim. For those of you that missed the brief theatrical release of "A Mighty Heart", Ms. Pearl is the widow of slain Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl. Since her husband's tragic death in 2002 in Pakistan, Mariane has been very busy creating a minor industry from her husband's death. Her first book and the fawning star-vehicle film that followed, were all about Mariane. Danny Pearl was so absent he could have been played by Claude Rains. Along the way, she has filed a law suit (since dropped) for damages from the Habib Bank and two Saudi sheikh as well as applying for relief as a victim of 9/11. (Now that took courage!) Now we have a new book about twelve courageous women which, by extension, includes Mariane Pearl. Her latest effort is a book called In Search of Hope: The Global Diaries of Mariane Pearl. The book details Ms. Pearl's travels around the world, interviewing women of consequence. Maybe Hanna Montana can play Mariane in the next movie. _________________________________________________________________________ Item Santa Clauses in Sydney Australia (is it "Santa Clauses" or "Santas Clause"?) have been told to abandon their traditional greeting of "Ho, ho, ho" because of the possible offense to women. No, really...you can't make this stuff up. The American Obesity Society is considering a request to abolish the "gobble, gobble, gobble" sound made by people dressed as Thanksgiving turkeys. ________________________________________________________________________Item Item And while we're being shocked, leave us consider the brothers Krongard. Howard "Cookie" Krongard and his brother Alvin "Chip" Krongard find themselves in the crosshairs of the House Oversight and Government Committee. (If there's a more glaring example of oxymoron in government I've yet to hear it.) Cookie is the State Department's Inspector General and, as such, is responsible for keeping an eye on contractors like Blackwater. (Who gives a job like that to a guy called Cookie?) He is testifying before the House committee because accusations have surfaced that he has been quashing probes into Blackwater's activities overseas. During his testimony he addressed the "ugly rumors" that his brother, former CIA officer Buzzy Krongard, was on the Blackwater advisory board. Midway through his testimony Cookie was forced to "revise" his statements. He had just learned that, in fact, Buzzy was on the Blackwater board. Mon Dieu! One suspects that the conversation at Krongard family gatherings is confined to the plight of the Redskins and who's going to play Mariane Pearl in her next movie. I love this town! ___________________________________________________________________ Item Barry Bonds was inducted yesterday into a not-so-exclusive hall of fame. The honorees include Martha Stewart, Scooter Libby, G. Gordon Liddy and many others who have learned at their peril, what happens when you fib to federal policemen. For those of you who get all of your news from Jay Leno and Jon Stewart, Bonds was indicted for denying that he used performance enhancing drugs. Apparently the feds can prove otherwise. The moral of the story is, just because your medication can inflate your head to a size that rivals Mt. Rushmore doesn't mean that your brain gets larger. Presumably the investigation will also uncover transgressions by Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire and others. The officials in Cooperstown are naturally relieved in that, they were unsure how the bust of these players would fit through the door.

...or is the Bush administration just testing our gag reflex?

The gang in the White House is once again reminding us how long eight years can really be. By this time next year we will at least know who will be replacing George the Lesser and his gaggle of incompetents. At this rate I'll take anybody...Ron Paul...RuPaul...Les Paul...Pope John Paul...anybody. Sunday was Veterans Day. This day, above all others, should have found Bush, Cheney and their minions hiding in an undisclosed location, possibly the same one they hid in during 9/11. The track record of the Bush Administration concerning the military (multiple tours in Iraq, Walter Reed medical care, lies about Jessica Lynch and Pat Tilman, paying Blackwater mercenaries ten times the pay of servicemen, no presidential attendance at any soldier's funeral), practically demands their silence. A moratorium on public pronouncements should have been observed with particular vigor by the Vice President. When it came his time to serve, Dick Cheney did everything but borrow one of Cpl. Klinger's dresses to avoid wearing his country's uniform. He dreamed up deferments that would have impressed Abbie Hoffman. George Bush might have had a little help sliding into the Texas Air National Guard but at least he served in some capacity. Cheney, then as now, left the fighting to others. Let's be frank. Many of us who served during the Vietnam era would have graciously declined the invitation had that been an option. Not too many were anxious to engage the population of Southeast Asia personally. Nevertheless there was a certain sense of national service that was passed down to my generation from the veterans of WW II (who were also our parents, neighbors and family friends). We may have opposed the war but no one hid in the basement or fled to Canada. (My opposition to the war intensified as my induction drew closer.) My father said that dissent was a privilege and must be earned. It's called putting some skin in the game. Guys like Ron Kovic and the Vietnam Veterans Against the War had more credibility in America than the protesters at the Democratic National Convention in 1968 because they had served. The concept of electing ex-servicemen to high office stems, in part, from the notion that those who have seen combat will be cautious when committing other to fight. Bill Clinton, the first modern President to have avoided military service, used his powers as Commander-in Chief only twice. The poorly conceived incursion in Somalia left both the President and the Army with a bloody nose. American forces committed to Bosnia fared better if only because the fighting had largely stopped before we arrived. Clinton was pressed constantly and correctly, over his draft evasion. But I digress. The Vice President, in an epic display of chutzpah, appeared at Arlington National Cemetery to spew meaningless cliches over the most hallowed ground in America. It's a wonder that the ghost of Gen. George C. Marshall didn't rise up and kick his ass off the property. Cheney spoke of freedom. "...free to live as we see fit, free to work, worship and speak our minds." Naturally, Mr. Cheney neglected to mention that his credo left the defense of those freedoms to others. He was otherwise occupied. However, Dick left a few "freedoms" out of his remarks. He might have included: free to avoid serving America in uniform but free to send thousands of other Americans to fight in your own agenda-driven war. free to endanger the lives of CIA agents in order to exact political retribution (see also Valerie Plame). freedom to distort the truth at every turn, whether the subject is WMD's or Pat Tilman's death. freedom to vilify gay people in America while professing to protect the privacy of your own lesbian daughter. I don't know an American veteran who doesn't look back on his service with pride. Whether or not any of us ever knew the dubious distinction of being shot at (I was spared that honor) we all sense that, at a time in America when the call went out, we answered, however reluctantly. During that time, the Vice President of the United States chose to remain silent. He should have the grace to continue that silence on Veteran's Day.

...does riding the express train cause you to miss the good stuff in the papers?

News of the day... Item The legal community of Islamabad is leading the fight against the recent dictatorial inclinations of General Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan. (When your leader's first name is "General" what can you expect?) There are several interesting aspects to this event. Considering the lack of billable hours available to the protesters, it's amazing that so many lawyers could be mobilized so rapidly. Also, one cannot help but be impressed that all the protesters are wearing suits. It's disturbing to realize that Pakistanis can march into the teeth of armed policemen and soldiers dressed better than Americans attending a job interview. in a related story The tap dance that the Bush administration is performing regarding Marshall law in Pakistan would qualify for Dancing with the Stars. Americans abhor a crackdown on free expression. However, since we are a little short of friends in the region, it wouldn't do to criticize one of the few we have left. After all, George W. just finished a complicated tango with the Turks. That deal went like this: as compensation for calling their ancestors murderers, we have approved a Turkish attack on the Kurds who are causing trouble in the southeast of Turkey.

The Kurds must be wondering what the Bush family has against them. After The Gulf War (the one that we won), Bush 41 encouraged the Kurds in northernIraq to rise up and overthrow the evil Saddam. When they tried, George H.W. allowed Saddam to fly his Army helicopters against the rebels. That one ended, Iraqi Strongman 1 - Kurds 0.

Now George the Lesser is green-lighting the Turks to hit the Kurds from the west. If Kurdistan ever becomes a country, the Bushes should be very wary of any invitation to visit.

________________________________________________________________________

Item

Under the heading "you really can't make this stuff up", Robert A. Singer was arrested at his Falls Church, VA home yesterday on charges of distributing child pornography. The arrest could jeopardize his job as (are you ready?) an executive at the National Children's Museum. This mope even used a computer registered to the Museum to send the pictures. Jesus. This is like learning that Michael Chertoff is secretly a card-carrying member of al Qaeda, or that Karl Rove is married to a man (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

_________________________________________________________________________

Item

Pope Benedict XVI played host to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia this week in an historic first meeting for the two leaders. The Pope and the King immediately remarked on the similarities of their circumstances:

Both men wear dresses. (The Pope inquired of the King, "Who are you wearing?")

Both leaders broach no deviation from the strict adherence to the fundamental tenents of their respective religions (although the Pope did draw the line at beheadings.)

And most important, both men are trying to lead their respective flocks back to the tenth centurty.

It was unreported as to whether the two men traded team jerseys.

...or will issuing driver's licenses to illegals drive Eliot Spitzer crazy?

Can God create a puzzle that God can't solve? Can the Governor of New York create a puzzle that Hillary Clinton can't solve? How many Democratic Presidential Candidates can fit on the head of a pin? Weighty questions indeed! These are not, however, the issues that currently plague the Democratic Governor of New York. Instead, Gov. Spitzer is wondering which one of his aides to assassinate for suggesting the issuing of driver's licenses to New York's one million illegal residents (including about 50,000 Irish). This political hand grenade was clearly manufactured by the same company that gave Bill Clinton a stinkbomb called "Don't ask, don't tell". A fact or two is required before we proceed: First, Eliot Spitzer didn't dream up this bit of political suicide by himself. As of 2003, 15 states allowed undocumented "guests" to own a driver's license. Lest you think that the roster is comprised exclusively of blue-state lefties, think again. Idaho, Montana, North Carolina and Utah are on the list. Massachusetts is not. (The current number of states on the list is seven but isitjustme is too lazy to do all that research to discover which ones they are.) Second, the law enforcement community is mostly in favor of licensing everyone who drives a car. Because the task of mopping up America's highways falls to them, you can see their point. Better to have illegals trained, tested and licensed, with insurance, based on the theory that they will probably drive anyway. Cops may be Conservatives at heart but they are pragmatic. Also, a driver is less likely to leave the scene of an accident if they know that they won't end up calling AllState from Guatemala. The Governor's plan, to issue undocumented drivers a special license which will declare their status as illegal, addressed some of the concerns regarding voting and boarding a plane but why read the fine print when yelling "treason" is so much more fun? By the way, could someone, anyone please stuff a sock in Lou Dobbs' mouth. This boy is in serious need of Ritalin. The way he rants and goes all red-in-the-face on the subject of immigration, you'd think that all 12 million illegals moved into his condo complex. I wonder who cuts his lawn and cleans his toilets? No one is forgetting that there are 12 million folks at our party without an invitation. Many of these people work hard and live so far below the radar that no one knows how many are really here. We are faced with an issue that presents few good solutions. Conservatives, as usual, smell blood in the waters. Immigration will be the wedge issue in 2008 and the Karl Rove types will certainly paint Democrats as "soft on illegals". The driver's license issue in New York doesn't help. Democrats will need to get out in front of this or risk a repeat of 2000/2004. Sadly, many of my fellow citizens have the attention span of a Great Dane and a gut issue like illegal immigration can easily make them forget Katrina, Iraq (six years, 2900 Americans dead, no end in sight), and all of the myriad failures of Bush 43. Kansas will cling to any issue that will allow them to vote Red. The issue of illegals is too important to reduce to political sound bites. Everyone with an IQ of two digits understands that there is no quick fix. We need bipartisan solutions that are workable and address the long range goals of stopping millions of strangers from entering America illegally. Unfortunately we are entering an election year and the Republicans are in deep trouble. Don't expect any intelligent proposals in 2008. In the meantime, try to limit all your driving to New Jersey.

...or do Bush appointees, like celebrities, exit in three's?

If so then we have two more resignations to look forward to. In today's news we learned that Karen Hughes, Undersecretary of State for Public Diplomacy is leaving the administration, for the second time. In 2002 Ms. Hughes resigned her role as counselor to the President to return to Texas. Presumably Texas had fewer snakes. Karen is one of the last members of the Republican posse that rode in from the Lone Star State in 2001. By the time George W. begins his lonely ride into the sunset (445 days from now but, who's counting?), he will almost certainly be riding solo. The defection rate at 1600 Pennsylvania is a bit surprising. Why bother leaving now? Having served in the Bush administration, none of his appointees has a prayer of being elected to any office higher than Postmaster or offered a job by anyone other than Blackwater. Karen Hughes is resigning from what must arguably be the most difficult job in this administration. She had the thankless task of attempting to, somehow, resurrect the image of America throughout the world. It speaks volumes about the hubris of George W. Bush that, having personally supervised the destruction of American good will throughout the world (we currently rank just ahead of the clap), he would attempt to reverse that trend using tea parties and Cal Ripken, Jr. (In a recent NY Times, Harris poll even the most primitive societies understood that: a) America is the Great Satan and, b) Brittany Spears doesn't wear underwear.) Memo to George: They don't hate us for our freedom...or our MTV or our bluejeans. They hate us because you stride the world like a colossus, demanding that everyone think like Dick Cheney and threatening Armageddon if anyone opposes us. That's not diplomacy. That's thuggery. I'm not sure what Ms. Hughes thought she could accomplish on her trips to the Middle East, especially with American boots on the ground in the region. Her crusade against breast cancer was heroic and well intentioned, but with a 500-pound gorilla in the room (that pesky invasion) it's tough to get your audience to focus . Her campaign might have played a little better if she had warmed up in front of a audience that was a bit less hostile; say Ireland or Luxembourg. Diving straight into the icy waters of Turkey or Syria was, to say the least, naive. The truly sad part of Ms. Hughes' doomed-from-the-start mission was the clueless, tone-deaf President who sent her out there. Did George W. really believe that a guest appearance from a wealthy Republican mom from Texas would soften the hearts of women who live in servitude? Think Julie, the cruise director, on a slave ship. "I'm a mother just like you". Really? And how many children have you lost to starvation? At least she didn't break out the Mary Kay cosmetics and the Tupperware. This President has no hope of rebuilding our relationships with Europe or the Middle East or anybody else. He is the reason that American foreign policy is in tatters. His ham-handed threats and go-it-alone style are why leaders like Hugo Chavez and Emo Morales can be elected so easily. Just attack America in your speeches and you're a lock. If George W. Bush wants to see America's reputation in Europe rebound overnight...resign. I can tell you first-hand that it's not Americans that Europeans hate, it's the current American President. Friendship with GWB brought down a Prime Minister as popular as Tony Blair. If that's not toxic, what is? Anyway, best of luck to Karen Hughes. You have been a good friend to a President who knows how to reward loyalty...just ask Alberto Gonzales. The juicy post of Ambassador to Iraq may be available soon so, the next time you get an offer for a good job with lots of international travel, politely decline.

...or is listening to Dick Cheney a legal form of torture?

What year is this anyway? Are we really engaged in a Congressional debate about what constitutes torture? Is the country that champions the concept of freedom for everyone and fought wars against oppression, actually parsing whether inflicting intentional, premeditated suffering is justified as a interrogation technique? Is America so afraid of Islamic bogeymen that we would torch our Constitution and roll back human rights to concepts that were repudiated in the sixteenth century? Watching Judge Michael Mukasey attempt to dance between the raindrops at his confirmation hearing is truly disturbing. He was originally quoted as expressing repugnance at the idea that Americans would condone torturing prisoners. Now, however, the judge is having second thoughts. As Mukasey waffles about this vital issue,so does his support in the Senate. Once a virtual lock to be confirmed as the new Attorney General, Judge Mukasey is currently undergoing a little torture of his own. There is no ambiguity about what constitutes torture. If you are inflicting pain on a prisoner in order to elicit information, that's torture. Period. Waterboarding, thumb screws, the rack and extended sleep deprivation all amount to the same thing. Monty Python notwithstanding, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition. The incredible cynicism of this administration on this issue borders on the criminal. This gang of cowards actually thinks that torture is OK as long as we fly the prisoner to another country and allow client governments to do the deed. At least Saddam did his own dirty work. American veterans who witnessed first hand the consequences of state sponsored pain in Germany, are happily voting for Republicans who visit the same treatment on Muslims. If you think it's different, you're kidding yourself. What you hear as justification is, "We are torturing them because they attacked us on 9-11." Wrong! We are torturing them because they look like and worship like those who attacked us on 9-11. In 1942, we incarcerated 120,000 Japanese Americans for only one reason: fear. Attorney General Tom Clark, a loyal Democrat, gave the green light to the decision. Although America has apologized since, I suspect that most people at the time felt a bit better knowing that all those little almond-eyed devils were safely behind the wire in the western dessert. After all, they attacked us, didn't they? History has a way of occasionally making us look pretty stupid. (For reference please consult the history of America's Inquisition aka, The House Committee on Un-American Activities.) I suspect that a more enlightened generation in the future will read the transcripts of Judge Mucasey's hearing with bemusement. Were America's leaders really trying to quantify how much inflicted pain constitutes torture? Is the definition the same for women as men? Why would America even be torturing people? Didn't they know that the intel gathered at sword-point is unreliable? If George W. Bush thinks that waterboarding and other forms of torture are acceptable interrogation techniques, let him say so. Stop hiding behind your Attorney General's legal skirts and hold a press conference. "I come before you today to assert that the United States feels completely justified squeezing the gonads of any Middle Easterner who hates us for our freedom. I don't care what the Attorney General thinks." A speech like that could cause Kansas to ratify the repeal of the 22nd Amendment. (look it up) So in summation: Torture is wrong Torture is unconstitutional Torture produces bad, unreliable intelligence Only an Attorney General who recieved his law degree on-line from headupyourass.com would condone torture. Class dismissed.

...or is Monday all that untrustworthy?

Things you don't need to know: Item Former prison inmate Genarlow Wilson is a free man today. Mr. Wilson was a guest of the State of Georgia for more than two years, having been found guilty of receiving oral sex from a fifteen year old girl when he himself was only eighteen. Genarlow was all smiles as he emerged from the penitentiary saying that he holds no one to blame for the ten year sentence he received. The Georgia State Supreme Court gagged on the conviction,calling it grossly disproportionate to the crime. Mr. Wilson has stated that the next time he goes looking for love he will avoid the junior high schools and try the AARP web site. "If she ain't drawing social security, I pass" said Mr. Wilson. __________________________________________________________________________ Item The American Bar Association has recommended a moratorium on executions throughout the United States. While the ABA takes no formal stand on the death penalty, a study by the Association has concluded that sufficient problems exist in the administration of the death penalty. Poor DNA evidence control, faulty eye-witness testimony and pervasive racism all lead the ABA to their recommendation. Interestingly, many more whites are being executed than blacks. Once again whitey moves to the front of the line. The states that were reviewed include Alabama, Arizona, Georgia, Florida, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Tennessee. When asked why Texas was not included in the study, an ABA spokesperson indicated that the group never likes to group amateurs with professionals. The ABA further suggested that the states dispatch a fact finding mission to Saudi Arabia (beheading with a sword) or Iran (stoning) to gather expertise on how executions should be performed. ___________________________________________________________________________ Item In a related story, a Moscow judge sentenced Alexander Pichushkin, the "chessboard killer", to life in prison for the murder of 40 people and the attempted murder of an additional three. It seems that those barbaric Ruskies have a moratorium on the death penalty. The law is still on the books but capital cases are shunned in practice, even for a man who killed 40 people. Pichushkin was called the chessboard killer due to his boast that he intended to murder one person for every square on the chessboard. He claimed to have killed 60 but the prosecution could not verify the total. When informed of this heinous crime, President George W. Bush expressed relief that Pichushkin wasn't a checkers player. __________________________________________________________________________ Item GAP, Inc. was shocked, shocked to learn that one of their subcontractors, an Indian company, was using child labor in their sweatshop in New Delhi. A spokesperson for GAP attributed the problem to a typo in the contract with the Indian firm. GAP understood that the children, some as young as ten, would be working in a "sweetshop". "We were misled from the start" said Marka Hansen,from GAP's New York headquarters. Ms. Hansen went on to assert that GAP would never do business with a sweatshop. "The sweat gets all over the jeans and makes them smell just awful. Our customers would never approve."

...or is FEMA in serious need of emergency management?

You would have thought that the Bush administration might have learned something/anything from that little rainstorm in New Orleans in Aug. 2005. The disaster photos from Louisiana and Mississippi, the deaths of 1,800 people, the trailers that never arrived, the attempt to prevent black people from crossing the Crescent City Connection by the Gretna, Louisiana police, all should have caused a serious reevaluation of how federal agencies respond to a disaster. Dream on, children.



Last week, Southern California lived through the worst series of fires in recent memory. 500,000 people were evacuated and 17 people died. Almost 800 square miles of forests and neighborhoods were scorched. Once again the Bush administration leapt into action. This time George's plane actually landed near the disaster site (as opposed to the fly-over in New Orleans). The President was quick to offer support although he stopped short of, "Arnold, you're doing a heck of a job".



The President might have complimented his current administrator of FEMA but he can be forgiven for not knowing his name. Who does? Actually it's R. David Paulison who, interestingly enough, is a career firefighter.



FEMA rushed in and immediately sprung to action... by holding a bogus press conference. Taking a page from the White House Communications Office playbook, FEMA announced a press conference at its Southwest Washington, D.C. headquarters about 15 minutes before it was to begin, making it unlikely that reporters could attend. They set up a telephone conference line so real reporters could listen (but not ask questions). The actual press conference was peopled with shills from FEMA who proceeded to ask softball questions designed to highlight FEMA's jackrabbit response to the California disaster. Naturally, none of the questioners were identified as FEMA employees.This sham was presided over by Vice Admiral Harvey E. Johnson, deputy administrator at FEMA. Having been outed, the Admiral has apologized. Presumably he's sorry he got caught.



And so we continue to live under the most inept, tone-deaf, duplicitous gang of administrators since The Gang Who Couldn't Shoot Straight. They lied about Saddam, they lie about the death toll in Iraq (if you're shot in the chest, you're not a war casualty), they ignored the victims of Katrina and they refuse to listen to the deafening shouts of Americans to bring the troops home. I guess it's tough to hear anything over the applause from your own employees. George, you're doing a heck of a (snow)job.

...or is the moral high ground really a valley?

We can remain silent no longer. When, in the course of human events, an incident occurs that demands response, it is incumbent upon every person of conscience to stand up and be counted. Thankfully, Congress is meeting that challenge. And what is this burning event that has moved our leadership to action?

America's disastrous foreign policy?

The constant strain of illegal immigration?

The scourge of MoveOn.org?

The outrageous cost of Springsteen tickets?

No. Your brave legislators are embroiled in a titanic struggle to decide whether the forced relocation of the Armenians by the Turks in 1915 amounted to genocide.

For an American population fuzzy on its own history ( many young Americans think the U.S. fought alongside the Germans in WW II), questions like "What's an Armenian?" and, "Is Turkey really a country too?" abound. The real question regarding this arcane resurrection of Byzantine history is: " Why, in 2007, is Congress debating the labeling of atrocities committed 90 years ago?

Seemingly for the same reason that you can't buy a decent Cohiba in America. A few vocal constituents living in a few legislative districts have applied enough pressure on their Congresspeople to force their beliefs/prejudices/grudges on all the rest of us.

Just in case you slept through your World History class or were out sick the day they covered World War I, the history goes something like this. Armenia (when there was an Armenia) was situated on the Eastern border of Turkey. At the outbreak of The Great War in 1914 the Turks were uncomfortable having a Russian ally on their Eastern flank (Turkey was pulling for the Kaiser; Russia was playing for the Brits and the French). The Turks decided to "relocate" the Armenians to Syria (you might wish to consult a map). This relocation was accomplished with the same compassion as the Bataan Death March. Of the approximately 1.5 million Armenians involved, more than 600,000 did not survive the trip.

Turkey claims that, in war, stuff happens. The Armenians (what's left of them) assert that this was a Turkish excuse to exterminate the entire population. Now, 92 years later, we hear from the United States. Thanks to bipartisan stupidity from a gaggle of California congresspeople, there is legislation in the House to officially define Turkey's action as genocide. This would be funny if it weren't so dumb.

Turkey is maybe the only friend America has in the Middle East. Considering a 95% Muslim majority in Turkey, that's a pretty cute trick. Why would the U.S. Congress want to stick a finger in the eye of such a vital ally while we have soldiers in harms way in the region? Even George W. Bush, who never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity, thinks that this is a goofy thing to be doing.

The bill was approved out of committee by a 27-21 vote. Hopefully the full House will let this ill-conceived foolishness die a natural death. Then Congress can begin the more important debate regarding the Rape of the Sabine Women or the salting of the fields of Carthage. (You'll need more than a map for that one. You'll need a time machine.)

We live in an age of apology. The Pope apologizes to the Jews because the Catholic Church sat out the Holocaust. America (presumably white America) has apologized to black America for slavery. Sadly, the Turks appear disinclined to follow this trend. Perhaps America should do what America does best - offer money. George W. is spending a gizzillion dollars in the region as it is. What's another billion or two?

As for Turkey, next time you want to eradicate a pesky population, do it right. Call Erik Prince at Blackwater.

...or does George W. Bush live in a parallel universe?

Seriously!

The President was quoted this week on the subject of climate change. He said, "Our guiding principle is clear. We must lead the world to produce fewer greenhouse gas emissions, and we must do it in a way that does not undermine economic growth or prevent nations from delivering greater prosperity for their people." Translation: This administration is solidly behind any solution to climate change that doesn't harm Halliburton, (Cheney would never approve), or any of his polluting, corporate friends. One suspects that the only climate change that George W. is aware of is the noticeable chill he gets when he checks his approval rating.
But it is not by words alone that a man be judged but by his deeds. So let's take a look at the environmental record of this administration.

Florida had barely swept up all the chads from the counting room floor before George and his gang set to work heating up the planet by torching the Kyoto Accords. As with most global compromises, Kyoto had something in it for everyone to hate. Mostly, as the largest consumer of fossil fuels, the United States was required to do a lot of pollution reduction. Never mind that there would have been a considerable benefit to Americans in the form of cleaner air. American business was uninterested in being told to clean up its act. The United States would never have had to actually do anything. Just signing the documents would have made us look like a responsible world citizen.

However, an administration of cowboys and clueless, cultural conservatives has a different view. The world is America's sandbox and screw everyone else.



To show the new administration's commitment to the environment, George nominated Gail Norton to the post of Interior Secretary. Gail came to the job with considerable experience, having served as the PR flack for the timber industry. Gail proceeded to feed every piece of land and tree-saving legislation she could locate into a wood chipper. Gail abruptly left Washington just ahead of some awkward questions regarding an embarrassing "donation" from Smilin' Jack Abramoff. Jack probably needed approval to build a hotel/casino on the rim of the Grand Canyon.

Christine Todd Whitman became Bush's chief of the Environmental Protection Agency. Christine, a native of New Jersey, knew a bad smell when she smelled it and, having discovered that her primary role in the cabinet was to shut up and make the coffee, she quickly departed. Christine was replaced by (Hands, please. Anybody?) ...Stephen Johnson. Mr. Johnson maintains a profile that's so low his picture is now appearing on milk cartons in the EPA cafeteria. His background is scientific thus he spends his days dispensing antibiotics to the pigeons on the Mall lest they contract bird flu.

Thus we have an administration that has disabled or ignored every bit of environmental legislation since the ban on leaded gas. Now that Al Gore has an Oscar, and Emmy and a Nobel Prize (Can you imagine how much that frosts the White House?) because of his work on climate change, George has discovered the great outdoors.

You have to wonder whether this President thinks that we are the stupidest, most clueless people on the planet. Well, come to think of it, why wouldn't he? We elected him to the office...twice. If that's not clueless, what is?

...or is our health insurance system in the pink?

Now I know that you think this is just another diatribe about the human political pretzel, Rudy Giuliani. You remember Rudy, the New York Liberal who is now doing the Jerry Falwell two-step. It was Rudy who recently explained to a gathering of the NRA that, while the towers were falling on 9-11 he was saying to himself, "if everyone owned a hand gun this might not have happened". This guy's got faster feet than Larry Craig (rim shot!). I can't imagine why everyone is so upset about Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's attempt to visit Ground Zero. Frankly, when it comes to exploiting 9-11, Mahmoud has to get in line behind Rudy and George W.

But that's not the topic for today, boys and girls. Today's sermon is about an epiphany; specifically, mine. I have seen the light. Glory hallelujah.

I was sitting in a waiting room in a doctor's office, referral in hand, when it hit me. Our system of health insurance is really the best in the world. Screw the French. Socialized medicine is for wimps, commies and Hillary Clinton. America has it going on. If you have health coverage in America, you're golden. If you don't, tough beans. Stop whining and get a second job. Why should I pay for a bunch of slackers and people whose immigration status is questionable at best? I'm already paying for their malt liquor and their welfare Cadillacs.

This concept of privatization is the best idea America has come up with since the electoral college. And we have it all to ourselves. No other civilized country has a system like ours. All that's missing is the collective will to expand the concept.

We can start by changing the fire and police systems in American towns to a more entrepreneurial concept. Under this plan, anyone who wants fire and police protection should buy an individual insurance policy. Then, when your kitchen goes up in flames or someone breaks in and steals your 357 Magnum, you just call your friendly neighborhood fire dept or police dept. (don't forget to have a $20 on hand for the co-pay). If you're covered, they respond. If not, don't worry. There is always the "free" public police/fire dept. available for the uninsured. Of course, they are located twelve towns away and they may not respond until next month but, hey, it's free. Hell, why should I pay for police protection for the very people who commit most of the crimes..the poor? Why should I be responsible for the cost of fire response for dummies that have barbecues in their living rooms?

We need new bumper stickers that say "America for Americans...with money" or "The Only Free Ride in My Country is Back Across the Border".

My plan should receive considerable support from the average American. Most of the people who don't have health insurance are hard working folks in low-end jobs. They don't just shop at WalMart, they also stock the shelves and punch the cash registers.

Ironically, these are the very same people who profess to hate Hillary Clinton and all she stands for. These sons and daughters of the red states will pull a lever against gay marriage but not for someone trying to help them. They would rather believe the neo-con nutjobs who spread fear of increased taxes and two week waits at the emergency room. Well, my plan will lower their taxes by lowering the cost of local services. What could be more Republican than that? Fewer calls for help...fewer cops, fewer patrol cars. Infrequent fire dept responses cuts down on hose fatigue.

If you think that this sounds a cynical rant, remember that we have privatized many services that were once provided exclusively by local and national governments. Many prisons are now run by large corporations as is garbage collection. Packages once delivered by the post office now come via FedEx.

So the next time you're sitting around your doctor's waiting room perusing a copy of Leeches Today, remember how lucky we are here in America. We live in a land where doctors can make seven figure incomes while working fewer hours than George Bush. We have a system that practically demands that we work for large companies because the cost of private health coverage would choke Bill Gates. Ours is a country where being poor or underemployed is considered a social disease and a potentially fatal one.

But smile, my friends. We have health insurance. We have no worries...and apparently no conscience.

...or is Blackwater just a little scary?

Just in case you haven't been following all the interesting news coming out of Iraq and Washington, here are a few tidbits.

You may have seen the name Blackwater, in the news lately. Blackwater, USA is a private security firm in the employ of your friendly neighborhood US State Dept. They earn 90% of their revenue from your federal government; 2/3 of which is under no-bid contracts. These contract cowboys have at least 30,000 armed men on the ground in Iraq. (Some say it's closer to 100,000. Good luck finding out.) They operate with virtually no oversight and with no code of conduct. They are a shadow army, paid ten times what a US serviceman gets. Their presence allows George W. Bush to lie about troop strength and the need for more American soldiers.

Recently, the killing of eight Iraqi civilians by these "heros" caused Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki to banish the company from his country. Sadly, Mr. al-Maliki was under the mistaken impression that he was in charge in Iraq. Not so. Within a week the boys of Blackwater were back on the job. So much for democracy, the rule of law and all the rest of the bilge that America appears so eager to export. Good luck winning hearts and minds when you have an army of unrestrained assains undoing any the good the American military might be doing.

The fact that we have turned this band of cut-throats loose in Iraq is a disgrace. What exactly happens to this mercenary army after Iraq? Oh, of course! What was I thinking? There is no "after Iraq".



Another item that may have escaped your notice is the pending trial of Army Spec. Jorge Sandoval. Spec. Sandoval is an American soldier who, until recently, was employed as a sniper in Iraq. Sandoval's court martial for premeditated murder arose from a practice called "baiting". It seems that the Army has created a nifty new unit called the Asymmetric Warfare Group. These creative characters issue spools of wire, metal pieces and AK-47 rounds to sharpshooters in order to induce Iraqis to betray themselves as terrorists. They leave this stuff in the road and if a local shows interest in the item, bang, another evil doer bites the dust.

If this practice isn't scary enough, consider the specifics of the case of Spec. Sandoval. To insure that the shooting of a civilian on April 27, 2007 wouldn't be questioned, he and Staff Sgt. Michael Hensley planted a coil of wire on the body. Nice, eh?

Let's be clear. Second guessing the actions of soldiers in the field is a crummy thing to do. These young men and women are in harm's way everyday. In a place where you can't tell the good guys from the bad, civilians will get shot. Spec. Sandoval should not be on trial for following orders. The person who should be in the stocks is the head of the Asymmetric Warfare Group. He should be charged in the same indictment as the commander of Abu Ghraib and the guy running the Renditions program. (Don't you just love the clever names like "Asymmetric" and "Renditions"that hide the dirty deeds?) And while we're at it, how about a subpoena for Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld?





War doesn't excuse everything. You can't start a civil war in someone else's country and then use methods that would make Stalin blush. Americans don't snatch people off the streets of other countries. We don't torture prisoners first and let them go after we're satisfied that they don't know anything. We don't leave "bomb pieces" in the road and shoot the first dope that picks them up. If we do these things, why did we bother to depose and execute Saddam?