...or should we demand that corporations, if they are people, show ID when buying beer?

Way back in the dark days of the 2012 presidential election, Former Governor Mitt Romney was addressing a testy group of Iowa farmers at the state fair. Being in the heartland, Romney was doing his "no new taxes" tap-dance when a concerned fairgoer rudely suggested that taxes should be raised for some; like the super-rich. Romney, always ready to defend the aristocracy from the rabble, demurred. He suggested that taxes could be raised "on people"  but before he could explain what people, someone yelled "corporations". The heckler had apparently read that day's Wall Street Journal and discovered that America's  companies were mostly recovered from the 2008 crash and were doing rather nicely. In a rare departure from his prepared text, Romney opined that "corporations are people too, my friend."

That's a stunning statement. He might have said "Corporations have some of the same rights as people." He could have said "Supreme Court decisions all the way from 1818 (Dartmouth College v. Woodward) to 2010 (Citizen's United v. Federal Elections Commission) have, from time to time, granted corporations and other groups some citizen rights where speech, property ownership and federal regulations are concerned."
He might even have explained that Hugo Black and William O. Douglas wrote that corporations maintain the same human rights as do the individuals who make up the corporate entity. He didn't. Well, it was Iowa and it's hot in August.

Talk of corporations as people raises an interesting question:  in the wake of  several tragic occurrences over the last few years, why are corporations...as people... never (and I mean never) held accountable for their crimes? Seriously, if the police find a murder victim in a river, they investigate. They learn the who, what, when where and why. They collect facts and, very often, they apprehend the perpetrator.  The district attorneys then try, convict and incarcerate the culprit. I know that is true because I've seen every episode of Law and Order...twice. However, if all the criminals that Lenny Briscoe uncovered were companies, Law and Order would have been a half-hour show. Jack McCoy would have been out of a job. Companies never pay for anything. To wit:

Consider those beach friendly, Gulf lovin' shrimp protectin' Brits at British Petroleum. Back in 2010, BP was happily pumping oil from the Gulf of Mexico using a rig called Deepwater Horizon. On April 20 the rig exploded. Eleven actual people were killed. For 87 days the world watched as crews who had never tried to cap a deep well before, tried to cap a deep well. Throughout the entire tragedy BP: minimized the spill (estimated at 210 million gal.), shifted blame to every one short of the gas station owners in Gulfport and in general, behaved like the weasels they were. The damage was in the billions. The cost to sea life and other wildlife was incalculable. In April this year, BP announced that the clean-up was done and went home. The US Coast Guard said BULLSHIT (Well, they would have if they were allowed to.)

So, with all this loss of life and property, how many "people" from BP and their contractor companies went to jail? How many were tried? How many indicted? Say it with me...Not a Goddamn One. Zip! Zero! Eleven dead and no one pays.

OK how about Wharton, WV in 2012. Two coal miners died when the Brody #1 mine, operated by the Patriot Coal Co. experienced a "severe coal burst". Subsequent investigations revealed that the Brody mine had a long and very dangerous history of safely violations. It was one of three mines in the country that was considered so dangerous it was designated a pattern violator.  "Regardless of the safety concerns we do not have the authority to shut a mine down" said the head of the West Virginia Office of Mine Health Safety and Training. Patriot Coal continued to profit from the Brody pit until two men died. They knew it was a catastrophe waiting to happen. They did nothing. So is the greedy CEO of Patriot, Irl F. Englehardt in the clink?  Are the do-nothing executives who sent miners into a deathtrap serving a little time? Say it with me, Noooo.

This could go on for some time. There's the Duke Energy ash dump into the Dan River in North Carolina which contaminated the drinking water of thousands. And, of course, there is the incredible malfeasance of the biggest banks and financial institutions culminating in the Great Recession of 2008. We all know how many "people" went to jail in that one. (Hint: The next indictment will be the first.)

But I close with our favorite automobile company, General Motors. This sorry story goes back to 2001 when GM engineers discovered that faulty ignition switches were prone to ignition...of the entire vehicle. The "powers that be" at GM decided on the best course of action...shut up. As a result of this exercise in corporate omerta, thirteen "people" died. True, GM was on the ropes for much of the Bush years; mostly because twenty years of substandard auto production had begun to take a toll. When Barack Obama bailed them out, the last thing they needed was a recall. (Hey, who would participate in "Cash for Clunkers" if you were just getting another clunker?)  I'm sure the chairman at the time, Rick Wagoner was able to sleep nights knowing that he was protecting the jobs of 220,000 people in 400 facilities on six continents. After all, he was at war with Japan and well, people die in wars. Right?
I won't bother to ask you if Mr. Wagoner is currently a guest at Muskegon Correctional  Facility. He isn't and he's not likely to be. Go figure.

So what have we learned from our little saunter down memory lane, boys and girls? We have learned that corporations are people as long as it involves lobbying, campaign contributions and other forms of free speech. When it comes to the sorts of personal responsibilities that all actual people must acknowledge, such as doing the time having done the crime, companies are somehow excused. Corporations can kill you with impunity and apparently immunity. No one is ever at fault.

The courts have ruled that a collection of people with a common interest has the rights afforded to the members as individuals. OK but why don't the sins of the group fall back on the individuals who make up the the collective? When does the corporate decision-making process become a criminal conspiracy with blame attached to all conspirators? First-hand knowledge or active participation is no defense for the driver of the get-away car in a holdup. If you are engaged in an illegal act or conspire with those who are, you are guilty. Believe me, the first time that the FBI raids a corporate board room and shuffles the board members into waiting paddy wagons much of the corporate sanctioned homicide will stop. Honestly, who wouldn't love to see Lloyd Blankfein, Chairman of Goldman Sachs, marched out onto Wall St. with a raincoat over his head and his greedy hands cuffed behind him?

We demand justice but we're not barbarians (except maybe Texas). How about if the entire board of directors of BP is forced to work on an oil rig for a year? GM executives must only drive their company's most unsafe car...which is apparently all of them. Coal mine owners who hold other lives so cheaply should be made to pick up a pick. Mitt, if corporations are people, how is it they hate healthcare? Real people don't. Why do they balk at minimum wage increases? Real people need a decent wage.  Why are they sending jobs to China when real people want the jobs in the U.S.? They're not people Mitt, they're cyborgs. Having seen you run for President I can see how you might get confused.

...or should colleges "teach manners" before "teaching tolerance"?

Liberals are insufferable. I should know. If they're not careful, they can make themselves cross-eyed from looking down their noses at everyone else. Being on the side of the angels most of the time can, over time, cause liberals to see themselves as morally superior.  Naturally, that leads to  a sense that those who espouse a contradictory stance are inferior beings. Liberals see themselves as the well educated,  urbane, well-dressed guardians of the culture. Liberals know which fork to use for each course, which wine goes with what meat and which pre-school will most likely lead their brilliant offspring to the ivies. They see conservatives as the unwashed denizens of fly-over states. For those misguided souls forks are irrelevant when eating McDonald's French fries: PBR goes well with everything, including Count Chocula and pre-school is the lady down the street who watches kids for  $2.00 an hour while you work at Walmart. Face it, liberals never think of the mega-rich Koch Brothers as the poster boys for right-wingers. It's more likely Larry the Cable Guy.




However, recent events at America's institutions of higher learning have put a lie to the notion that liberals are always the best and the brightest. The actions of several universities have caused the elbow-patched jackets of the liberal elite to appear a bit frayed. Within the last few weeks, invitations to commencement speakers at three universities have been unceremoniously withdrawn.

At Smith College, student and faculty protest caused the school to rescind a speaking invitation to IMF Chairman Christine Legarde. (Seriously Ms. Legarde wears white hair with more style than anyone you have ever seen.)


It seems that some folks at this Massachusetts institution of higher learning  feel that they can learn nothing from the woman who controls the world's checkbook. Apparently, they object to the monetary policies of the IMF and, rather than listen to her thoughts and theories, the guardians of political correctness at Smith relented and withdrew the invite. Considering the esoteric nature of world capitalism, it's refreshing to discover that any college student body is passionate about something besides each other and football. (At UConn. substitute basketball.) Nevertheless, denying Ms. Legarde the opportunity to address the graduating seniors because of the decisions made where she works is small-minded and pejorative; actions truly unbecoming a group who professes a larger world view.




Meanwhile, a bit further east in the leafy suburbs of Boston, Brandeis University was busy taking in the welcome mat for Ayaan Hirsi Ali.  Ms. Hirsi Ali is a Somalia born Dutch citizen who is famous for attacking Islam's treatment of women. She has lived with death threats from the Muslim world since she collaborated with Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh on a film exposing the quaint  Islamic traditions of honor killings and female genital mutilation. (Van Gogh was murdered by a Muslim attacker in 2004.)


She has traveled extensively in the single pursuit of justice for Muslim women who live in virtual slavery at the hands of their husbands and families. Apparently the plight of women in the Muslim world is less important to the community of scholars at Brandeis than the potential offense to Islam that her speech might present. Wouldn't want to offend a murderous band of crazy people who think drive-by shooting is an acceptable form of political speech. Wow! If I were a member of a religion that treated women like chattel, I wouldn't want to be reminded either. No wonder Howard University invited P Diddy to speak.



And finally we have Rutgers University in sunny New Brunswick, New Jersey. As the state university, Rutgers is expected to act a tad less capriciously that the private institutions mentioned above. After all the state's governor is trying to be President. How would it look if they can't even get the commencement right? Well, first they invited Condoleezza Rice, former Secretary of State, to address the senior class. What...too soon? I guess so. Having been part of the cabal that  bullshitted the country into two wars, the students of New Jersey said "fugetaboutit". (There's actually a correct spelling for that.) Sec. Rice, showing a grace under fire that was absent from her turn at State, bowed out.
Next on deck was Eric LeGrand, a Rutgers football player who was paralyzed while making a tackle in 2010.  He was invited to speak by the school president Dr. Robert Barchi. A week later he was cashiered by the athletic director (well,  she left a voice mail) saying that LeGrand had been bumped by former governor Thomas Kean. Ouch! Fifteen yards for unnecessary roughness. Time for some traffic problems in New Brunswick.


This just in... Haverford College in Pennsylvania has withdrawn a commencement invitation to Robert Birgeneau, former president at UC Berkley in response to student disapproval. Seriously? The man who ran the  Cooperstown of liberalism wasn't politically correct enough for Haverford?



Naturally we expect college students to protest. That's what they do. And it's usually the uber-liberals who take offense over everything including the racist segregation of the salt and pepper in the student union. What is troubling is the lack of spine that is evident among the adults who run these institutions. In past years, student protests were met with the indifference they deserved. Student revolt was the price you pay for having 15,000 fairly bright people on your campus with too much free time. Participation in student rebellions are often the only way some kids can get laid. Students expect to be ignored. It fuels their rage and makes them feel righteous.


I was frankly a bit embarrassed that my  own beloved alma mater Fordham University, invited Tito Martinez, former NY Yankee first baseman to address the graduation class. True, Martinez has an Olympic Gold Medal and four World Series rings. He was a fan fav and apparently an all-around good guy. Still the selection comes up a bit short in the prestige department. OK I'm a snob but it's a good school and I would have liked to see Michael Bloomberg or Hillary C. (Hey, she lives right up the street, right?) That said I suspect the faculty senate felt they had little to fear from an invitation to a Cuban-American first baseman. Any protest is likely to come from the few campus supporters of the Boston Red Sox and who would listen to them...especially in the Bronx?

...or would international marketing and sales be easier if we didn't have to deal with all those foreigners?

We're back.

Hiatus is a wonderful thing...probably more sofor you than me but all good things must come to an end... just ask the producers of the "Die Hard" movies. Anyway, something caught my eye yesterday that bears comment. No, not the travails of Gov. Arbuckle of New Jersey, nor the prosecution of former Governor Bob "if it's free it's for me" McDonald and his avaricious wife in Virginia. (One can only hope that Governor Ultrasound is enjoying the same cavity searches as his medieval law imposes on the women of Virginia.)  Those stories are delicious but well covered in the mainstream press. Instead, what I saw was a wonderful presentation on international sales as presented by a talented and engaging sales manager from a revered national publication.

The presentation detailed many of the more subtle aspects of dealing with offshore real estate purchases as well as some of the pitfalls. All in all it was cogent and informative. However, the presentation missed a few of the broader nuances involved in buying and selling to offshore entities. Calling on my vast experience as an international marketer and negotiator (I once talked a Senegalese hot dog vendor into comping me an orange drink with the purchase of three dogs with onions and kraut) I have  included a few additional guidelines for successful global sales:

1) Talk louder. Very often, when dealing with a person from another country, you will find that English is not their mother tongue. Any language barrier can be easily  overcome by simply shouting English at the customer. Another communication skill is to speak in an exaggerated manner while using hand gestures. You will find that the price of your product can be effectively conveyed by merely holding up the necessary number of digits and yelling "Forty thousand each"! You will immediately notice that your customer's look of confusion is replaced by something akin to irritation and anger. Now you're communicating.

2) Be Jingoistic. Many cultures, especially in Western Europe, have an over-inflated sense of their own superiority. Letting some of the air out of those egos can improve your selling advantage.  Take every opportunity to remind the client what language he or she would be speaking if Uncle Sam had stayed home in 1941. (Hint...it rhymes with Herman).  Offhanded comments like "you wouldn't last five minutes in the U.S." will strengthen your hand and establish your sales dominance. Even under-your-breath remarks like "well what do you expect with all that inbreeding?" can go a long way toward making the sale.
And don't overlook our Asian customers. Hey, you're taller than them...use it. Note: references to "laundry", "ritual suicide" and "little commies" should only be employed when things are headed south in the sales process.

3)Be pedantic. Most negotiations in this global economy are in English, thank God. That's like a home field advantage. Use it. Correct your client's English whenever possible. (Adopting the voice of a bored schoolteacher speaking to a slow child is always a plus.)  Use arcane words and idioms.  Employ colloquialisms and obscure local references. The customer should feel a bit stupid but not overly insulted. Reminding him that soccer is not football nor is an elevator a lift will reinforce your marketing superiority.

4) Show your knowledge. Europeans will respect you more if you act like you've been to their countries. Feel free to criticize England's weather, discuss the French lack of familiarity with personal hygiene, Spain's "manana" attitude and well almost anything about the Germans. Chuckle at Dutch drug legalization and Italy's never-ending governmental chaos. When dealing with businessmen from South America, lump all the countries into stereotyped generalities. Argentina, Chile, Peru, whatever. For Asians, well,  we can't tell them apart so how can they? And why try?

Isitjustme hopes that these tips will come in handy when doing business on the international scene. Keep in mind sales is a game so, of course, cheating is acceptable. A few mental steroids will give you just the edge you need. Remember, in any conflict no one remembers who finished second...except maybe that country whose name rhymes with Hermany.













    

...or should border security be more concerned with who gets out than who gets in?

Much has been written lately about American foreign policy starting with the assertion that we don't actually have a foreign policy. If it's true that Barack Obama is making it up as he goes along, good for him. God forbid a president should include new information in his deliberations. Better to be like his predecessor and never cloud any issue with facts. Anything would be better than the last committee of geniuses who determined our actions on the world stage. To his credit, Barack Obama has navigated some pretty hairy waters regarding Syria lately and so far:
1) No one is dead at our hands
2) We haven't blown anything up
3) Syria may be prepared to fork over those nasty chemical weapons
4) Russia is actually trying to help...maybe
5) No one has died from a US bombing (That bears saying twice.)

Anyway, as America attempts to discover how best to help the most number of people while doing the least amount of harm, a terrible tragedy has occurred. While no one was looking, three deranged psychotics escaped from the loony wing of the U.S. Congress and, in a plot only the Cohen Brothers could imagine, worked their way onto a stage in Cairo. Allowing these three asshats to speak in public is a farce. Allowing them to represent the United States in public is tantamount to allowing Honey Boo-boo to serve as ambassador to the UN. Seriously, if these three are the poster children for democracy, Egyptians everywhere will wish someone had Hosni Mubarak on their speed dial.
This then is the actual address in front of who-knows how many Egyptians. Hopefully no translators were available. Note: Of the people in the U.S. who have seen this video, 32% have applied for citizenship to other countries, 12% to Somalia.
Also, this video has been purchased by Gore Verbinski for his new sequel "Ring 3 - D.C."

 

 

 

 

...or do we need a leash law for Steve King?

And then we have the state of Iowa. You might suppose that a state with only four representatives  in the US Congress would take a bit of care in selecting them. If that were true however, how do you explain Congressman Steve King? If Rep. King's pronouncements were any stranger he could run for office in East Texas. Mr. King has come to national prominence by attempting to enrage, infuriate and otherwise offend every progressive special interest and minority in the entire country. Considering the number of tone-deaf, out of touch Republicans vying for the title of Most Inappropriate Politician in a Leading Role, Mr. King's rise to obnoxious prominence is impressive. One might be tempted to stereotype Iowa as just another collection of Mid-Western goobers who want Uncle Sam to subsidize their crops but look the other way while they romance the livestock. That would be an over simplification.

Iowa has been a difficult state to handicap. They nominated Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum for President in recent years but Iowa was one of the first states to recognize gay marriage. As devout Christians, Iowa has adopted the Biblical edict to love thy neighbor to its logical conclusion. Good for them. Iowa is 91% white (this number fluctuates depending on the racial makeup of the University of Iowa's offensive and defensive lines) and 75% catholic or Christian Protestant. If Iowa were a little farther north it could be Denmark. They have much in common with their cousins to the south and west (big on grits, guns, God) but on some things (for example English is not the official language) they go their own way. The farmers in King's own district favor a path to citizenship for illegals by a factor of two to one.

But then there's Steve King. Not content to  simply accept millions from Monsanto and the other agribusiness interests in his district, King has decided to walk in the shoes of Todd Akin of neighboring Missouri. Not about rape but about immigration.  In a recent speech Steve allowed that for every  illegal immigrant (read Mexican) who goes on to become valedictorian of his/her class there are hundreds smuggling drugs across the border. King has this on good authority. He spoke to one agent. The point of this despicable hate-speech is King's desire to torpedo the so-called Dream Act designed to streamline a path to citizenship for illegals brought here as children. Considering that there are about 35 illegals in Iowa (72% of the white population never leave) one wonders why Mr. King is so worried. Most immigrants would prefer Guantanamo to Des Moines.

However, King has not limited his warped world view to Latinos. He has attempted to attach a rider to the current farm bill which would virtually nullify state animal rights laws for companies engaged in interstate commerce. He has clearly stated his disinterest in any humane treatment of animals in factory farm situations. Jesus what's the big deal? They're just chickens. King thinks dog fighting is just fine and children should be able to attend. "There's something wrong when we outlaw dog fighting but allow people to fight." Well gee, who could argue with that logic? Psst! Congressman, People have free will. They can choose to fight. Dogs can't.

But why try to argue with morons like this. Iowa elected him so we're stuck. However, as our friends in Egypt have clearly demonstrated, elections, unlike diamonds, are not forever. Not that anyone is suggesting that we send the military to oust him. I'm sure a small, motivated gaggle of pit bulls might be helpful. At least they wouldn't be fighting each other.

Or are we the most easily distracted country in the...oh look...squirrel!

It's August and there isn't much going on anywhere. Well there is Egypt but that's a giant mess and picking a winner there is tougher than handicapping next year's Kentucky Derby. So while right-wing radio is blaming the President for: 1) Backing the wrong side in Egypt, 2) not backing the right side in Egypt and, 3) not knowing which side is the right side; the fighting and dying continues.  Of course no one on the right knows which side is "right" either except John McCain who wants to arm and attack all sides. No matter. The conservatives blame the President if it rains on the Fourth of July fireworks so the White House said screw them and headed for Martha's Vineyard. Cue the right-wing outrage about Presidential vacations. 

Still, there are 24 hour news cycles to be fed and nothing fills the gaps between real news stories like America' favorite pastime ...righteous indignation. We may owe our language and heritage to the English but, when it comes to getting our knickers in a knot we are purely French. Everything riles us. Kids who wear their pants around their knees, the ubiquitous use of cell phones, coddled criminals, Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman, abuse of police power, the NSA, the IRS, the BSA allowing GAY scout leaders. All this and more seem to set our kettles to boil. Here are a few examples from this week's Washington Post:

Item

Last week,  a rodeo clown at the Missouri State Fair donned an Obama mask as part of his rodeo clown shtick (whatever that is) much to the delight of Missourians who clearly voted in substantial numbers for the other guy in 2012.  In a state where cow tipping is an Olympic event and the state university offers a course in post hole digging, no one should have been surprised that the current President would be the object of derision in Missouri. Nevertheless, even before  the last cow pie was tossed, cries of racial insensitivity were loose in the kingdom. It goes without saying that whenever the name or visage of Barack Hussein Obama appears in some derisive manner, cries of racism will be sure to follow. This comes with the territory when you are the first person of your race to hold the job. Just wait until Hillary gets elected in 2016.

The clown/perpetrator says it was all in fun and I for one am prepared to take him at his word.Not so the captains of the politically correct police. The Washington Post editorials sounded as if someone had vaulted the fence around the Rose Garden and planted watermelons. They even found some Texas Congressman (shocking!) who invited the rodeo clown, one Mr. Tuffy Gessling to appear in his home district. Importing clowns into Texas? Talk about carrying coals to Newcastle! The clown (the performer not the Congressman) has plenty of defenders in Missouri. A support group, formed on Facebook, has 60,000 "likes". Who knew that Missouri had 60,000 folks on Facebook? Hell, who thought 60,000 Missourians could read?

Item

Here in the nation's Capital we live in a constant state of indignation. It's more constant than humidity in August. One of our recent pet peeves is the statue of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. which stands near the Tidal Basin across from Tom Jefferson. Since its dedication in August, 2011 the statue, or rather its pedestal, has been a sore spot for fans and followers of Dr. King. It seems that one of the quotes on the base of the monument was, for reasons best known to the designer, truncated in such a way as to distort its meaning. Although the mangled quote was decried by many, it took a Post (Washington not New York) reporter, one Rachal Manteuffel to lobby to get the thing changed. So, at a cost of $900,000 the statue will now be both politically and historically correct.

However, buoyed by her success, Ms. Manteuffel has appointed herself the sole arbiter of statuary good taste in the nation's capital. Her column in last Friday's paper attacked no less than six statues/monuments around the city including the Boy Scouts and Mary McLeod Bethune. In one case, a particularly offensive rendering of Abe Lincoln freeing the slaves, she may be on to something. The slave in question is in chains and on all fours in front of the President.This might have passed for symbolic art in 1894 but in today's racial climate...not so much. A minstrel show might have been less inappropriate.

As for the other five cited works, Ms. Mantuffel is a trifle off the mark. She seems to feel that every statue which includes an adult and a child is an ode to pedophiles everywhere. This sort of perverse thinking might cause the dismantling of the Washington Monument. After all, should a giant phallus be the symbol of the Father of our Country? The imagery is even more stark this summer when, closed for repairs, the monument is sheathed in a giant condom. Children, avert your eyes. 

For those who can't get terribly worked up over rodeo clowns and public art, we still have the ever popular (or unpopular) NSA. Sadly, on a subject which should actually engender outrage, the number of Americans who care about who listens to their conversations or reads their email would fit comfortably in the back seat of a Chevy Suburban. Seriously, we think we should deplore this snooping, we certainly want to be outraged but face it, we just don't care. The one thing in the news this summer that should probably cause universal indignation is generating less emotion than the trials of Paula Dean.

Try as we might we just don't see the harm in Big Brother knowing the daily machinations of our lives. "Let 'em listen" the sentiment goes. "I'm not that interesting." The Internet, Facebook, and Twitter have warped our sense of privacy to the point that we really have no privacy left and really...who cares? Aside from the conspiracy crowd who think that government is coming for their guns, no one is alarmed that Uncle Sam knows about your affair with the gardener or how you made par from a trap on the 7th hole at the club.  If you want to get people excited, try closing the local Walmart or cancel  Dancing With The Stars. 

There have been many reasons put forth to explain the fall of the Roman Empire but my own theory is that it started when Romans stopped worrying about what their government was doing and started caring more about the point spread in the Lions vs. Christians event at the coliseum.

...or are the Real Women of Washington just a fading memory?

Where are they now?

The recent emergence of Anthony Weiner (I just can't help myself) and the identification of the women he was sexting brings to mind all the delightful sexual transgressions of days gone by. Where are the Fannie Foxes of yesteryear? How titillated we all were at the news that long-time Congressman Wilber Mills was caught cavorting with a woman of "sporting morality" in the Tidal Basin in Washington DC one Oct night in 1974. Actually it was only Ms. Fox who jumped into the water and she was a stripper not a hooker but those are just details.

In any event, the exposure of Mr. Weiner's " amour de selfie" has launched the dubious career of a lady named Sydney Leathers. (So a guy named Weiner is exposing himself to a woman named Leathers? Who's writing this stuff Seth MacFarland? Soupy Sales?) Ms. Leathers has thrown a lanyard around her fifteen minutes of fame in the form of a bikini spread in the New York Post and an interview on Howard Stern. It's sad but, hey, it's August and nothing much is going on.

 So just for fun let's play a game called "Match the Miscreant" where you identify the lecher and put him with the lady in his life. Below is a list of famous men who have been identified with various women who then became famous. In fairness, not all of the women were actually guilty of anything. They were just tragically standing too close to some guy when the spotlight came on. There are one or two trick answers. Also, there are more women than men because some guys are serial offenders. No Googling please.



                    Gary Hart                                                            Monica Lewinsky (too easy?)           

                    John Jenrette                                                       Mary Jo Kopechne                            

                    Eliot Spitzer                                                        Gennifer Flowers  

                    Bill Clinton                                                          Rielle Hunter             

                   David Petraeus                                                     Sherry Rowlands            

                   Dick Morris                                                          Christine Keeler 

                   Nelson Rockefeller                                               Paula Jones 

                   Ollie North                                                           Deborah Jeane Palfrey

                   Levi Johnston                                                       Amy Fisher

                   John Edwards                                                       Donna Rice

                  David Vitter                                                          Kathleen Willey

                  John Profumo                                                       Elizabeth Ray 

                  Wayne Hays                                                         Asley Dupre

                  Joey Buttafuoco                                                   Meghan Marshack  

                 Ted Kennedy                                                        Bristol Palin

                                                                                                Rita Jenrette

                                                                                                Mandy Rice Davies
                                                                                             
                                                                                                Paula Broadwell

                                                                                                 Fawn Hall


I'm sure we forgot a few so please let isitjustme know who we left out and I'll edit the list.





                                      

                                                             








                                        

...or is Anthony W. the political equivalent of "Take my wife...please".

The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things: of soups and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and Carlos Danger.

There is a certain reluctance in writing about the disgraced/disgraceful former congressman from Queens, NY. Everyone from Bill Maher to Francis I has taken their shots. And why not? A sex scandal involving a man named Weiner is irresistible. And to compound the farse, the guy is continuing his run for mayor. Sure, there have been circus-style mayoral elections in New York before (1965 and 1969 come to mind) but those character-candidates at least kept their pants on. While lowering his trousers, Mr. W. has raised the bar on weird, creepy behavior.

Anyway, in an attempt to be fair (to keep our punches up, so to speak) this column will contain no penis puns, no double entendres and no laugh-up-the-sleeve jokes. Clearly, the story of a U.S. Congressman's serial sexting should be troubling enough without the added smirking engendered by his unfortunate last name. (However, please feel free to snicker at will if the spirit moves.)

So the big question remains...Holy crap! What was he thinking? How does a man with a model for a wife and a promising political career, toss it all in the trash so that he can pursue a career as a new age Long Dong Silver? Seriously, Anthony's bizarre peccadillo (OK that's close) makes Mark Sanford's trip to Appalachia via South America look sympathetic. He may have been looking for love in all the wrong places but at least he was getting laid. Bill Clinton looks like the lovable rogue. Weiner's actions hue closer to our friend Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. And he even chose a         nom de stiffie, Carlos Danger.

Candidate Weiner, as we all know: 1) got caught sending pictures of his naughty bits to women not his wife, 2) resigned from Congress, 3) vowed never to do that again, 4) went right back to "doing that again", 5) announced his candidacy for mayor of New York, 6) held a press conference last week with his wife at which he refused to resign from the race and with her unflinching support, suggested that there may be more sexting incidents as yet uncovered. Actually the public did most of the flinching.

So, we already know that the ex-congressman imagines a scenario whereby New Yorkers will go to the polls on Sept 10 (actually Sept 10 is the Democratic Primary but the Dems will probably win in Nov.), take a deep breath outside, hold their nose and vote for A. Weiner.  (Truth be told Weiner would fare a lot better if the polling place were at the city dump.) What we don't know, at least not entirely, is what the lovely Huma Abedin aka Mrs Anthony Weiner was thinking when she excused, forgave and supported her creep of a husband. Clearly, working so closely with Hillary Clinton gives her a rare insight as to how to navigate your public personae when your spouse is a skunk, but even the long-suffering Hillary might have handed Mr. Weiner his walking papers. Although, when you start grading perversity i.e. .sending strangers snaps of your genitals vs. having the planet learn how your husband has been flavoring his cigars, you're already competing for dumbest spouse of the year with Silda (Mrs. Eliot) Spitzer.

In today's NY Times, Maureen Dowd speculates that Ms. Abedin's Saudi upbringing might be a factor in her "stand by your heel-of-a-husband" attitude. As a Muslim woman (although born in the U.S. and educated at George Washington University) she may feel that being able to drive the family car and not being lashed regularly qualifies as a pretty sweet deal. After all, what Anthony does with his gonads is no affair of hers. It's like using the shower at the gym...except the shower is coed. In any event if she's not humiliated, who are we to judge? Maybe he's a good cook?

Still, New York is not New Delhi and the stink arising from the Weiner campaign might even offend those hardy souls east of the Hudson. The idea that people rally around locals comrades when they are attacked from the outside may not be enough to carry the day. It's not as if Mr. Weiner was Mike Bloomburg with a proven track record. Weiner's stay in Congress was marked mostly by fiery speeches that led to no legislation. Come to think of it, Mr. Weiner's notoriety stems almost entirely from making public what most of us keep private. By that measure, we should nominate Edward Snowden for Mayor.

OK just one headline:

"When It Comes To Sexting, Anthony Weiner Has No Sense Of Huma."